Zombies

From Superdickery

Zombies are depicted in movies as being corpses brought back to life, with very little intelligence, and walking stiffly due to rigor mortis. In some films they move fast as hell, because the creators realized rigor mortis wears off after a few hours. Zombies are really strong, because they use all their muscles while attacking. Unfortunately this becomes a problem. When excercising a person tears small strands of muscles that regrow and become stronger. Zombies, being unable to heal themselves, grow weaker. If you are bitten by a zombie, have sex with a zombie, or eat the marrow of a zombie's bones, you will become a zombie.

Actual zombies are victims of voodoo. A voodoo witch doctor gives them this stuff, which puts them in a deep, near-death state. Because they are breathing so little, there is not enough oxygen to their brain, and they suffer from extreme brain damage. When they wake up, they are mentally retarded to an insanely high degree. They are able to recognize basic things from their past, but don't have many motor skills, and can't communicate. This is why they were mistaken as being the living dead.

Zombies are the natural enemies of cyborgs and knights.

Necromancer's remark

I totally approve of Zombies.

President's remark

Zombies are a threat to national security and should be eliminated, at all costs, with extreme prejuduce.

Zombie's remark

BRAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNSSS.