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Chapter Three: 7dejong, Last of the Leetspeakers

Yes, yes, YES! This was the paper that the cardboard professor was looking for! And that word... "Heat death"... THAT WAS IT!

"Hmm... 'HEAT DEATH'," Gadd read to himself. "Sun burning out... Temperature dropping... Second law of thermodynamics... Of course! OUR SUN, LIKE EARTH'S, IS BURNING OUT! But what's this...?"

Later in the newspaper, the MarioWiki's efforts to get others to convince others to retreat to the Mushroom Planet, and their humiliating failure, were discussed. Tears formed in the cardboard professor's eyes as he thought of his own ancestor going out into the streets with the intentions of saving onlookers, but leaving spat upon... How could those Earthling fools have done all this?

But, regardless of these thoughts, Gadd knew what he had to do: spread the word. Thankfully, the Mushroom Planet's heat death was in its very earliest stage, and he had plenty of time, but none to waste...

"Then again," thought Cardboard Elvin as he rushed toward the door, "maybe a little rest wouldn't hurt me..."

The poor professor, when finding the newspaper clipping, had been so close to finding what he'd been longing for for a whole week: sleep. Now that he had what he was looking for, his chances of resting were even worse... So he decided that one little nap wouldn't hurt.

And he forever regretted this decision in the future.

The next morning, Twomblez, who often acted as the laboratory's janitor when Gadd wasn't performing experiments, came in Gadd's room to dust things off. Recently, Cardboard Gadd had restricted his room and the nearby vault for his newspaper search, but Twomblez had noticed the current lack of noise and hoped with all her heart that the professor was finished with his work.

What she was met with, though, was far worse than anything she could've previously imagined. Papers were strewn all over the floors, the bed was split in two, the floor was soaking wet, the computer had completely fallen over; but worst of all, Professor Cardboard Elvin Gadd was gone. Kidnapped, presumably, on the brink of an important discovery.

"How could this have happened?" a saddened Twomblez whispered to herself. She decided that the first thing she'd do was pick up the professor's beloved computer. She did so.

And as she did so, something caught her eye. There was one open window on the computer; and on this window, written rather sloppily and seemingly rushed, was a code of symbols in MS Paint. This symbol sequence read:

"/-/[-/-\'][' [)[-/-\']['/-/ [()]V[!^/(_+. ']['/-\\|<[-^/ 13`/ [1_()/-\\|<[-[) |=!(_+|_||?[-."

Now Twomblez certainly wasn't uneducated in the field of language. She could fluently speak about every language, even the dead ones like Latin, HTML, and that ever-elusive Wikisyntax. But Twomblez couldn't speak this one... Yet she managed to recognize it.

This was Leetspeak, also known as 73315p34k and 1_[-[-']['§|*[-/-\\|<. When spoken clearly, it is quite easy to understand, but can be much, much more complex... and full of strange, intertwining, downright uninterpretable symbols. Twomblez had studied Leet, and actually knew a little of it, but she certainly wasn't adept... No one was. Not anymore... Long, long ago, there was a mage of leet named Smiddle, although he had disappeared without a trace even before the retreat from Earth. Know no one who knew Leet was left...

Except for one man: 7dejong, both last of the Dejongs and last of the Leetspeakers. The thought of confronting this young man, though, made Twomblez gulp...

7dejong was nothing to be feared, or so they said... As a matter of fact, some say that his relatives, most notably his great-great-great-great grandfather, were rather kind and outgoing. But 7dejong, he was different... He decided to live in seclusion in Dejong Mansion, the Dejong family's almost never-used (until 7D's birth) household. In his time, 7dejong had turned the mansion into an eery and creepy place... one that made several jump to conclusions of unknown status in truth about him.

Twomblez knew what she had to do. She didn't like it. But she knew. She quickly scribbled Gadd's message down on a piece of paper and stood up, facing the door. She was going to Dejong Mansion...

...And she soon faced the hill overlooking it. The mansion was a rather sadistic-looking place, with drooping trees, dark greenery, and a ramshackle appearance of the house itself. Twomblez had no idea how phobia-stricken Maxlover2, the only person anybody knew who was acquainted to 7dejong, managed to spend so much time there...

But once again, Twomblez knew what she had to do. She nervously plodded down the walkway, occasionally stopping to check if she was being chased, watched, or attacked in any way. The mansion's courtyard was an odd place... She figured the mansion itself was even worse.

Eventually, after desperately stumbling through the cold, maze-like path to the mansion, Twomblez came across a very heartwarming sign: One that said "DEJONG MANSION DEAD AHEAD". Twomblez gave a happy sigh as she read this, looking down at the message in Leet. Under the sign, though, were words that gave Twomblez more shudders: "GRAVEYARDS LEFT AND RIGHT". Only a very cruel and emotional person could have boneyards completely surrounding his home...

But Twomblez persisted, and soon found herself on the very front doorstep of Dejong Mansion. She tapped with one of the mansion's door knockers; these door knockers featured a rather dark-looking "AHH!" phrase with a small ring attached. Before Twomblez could even finish her knock, the tall doors slowly creaked open and a voice welcomed her to enter. Twomblez did so, and, hearing the door shut, turned around to thank her doorman, although she was rather dazed and frightened to see that no one was at the door or even in her near vicinity. Ghosts...

A frozen-with-fear Twomblez continued progressing in Dejong Mansion. The place actually had respectable beauty, but there was something... corrupted about it. The fanciful chandeliers were rather sharp and threatening. The classic paintings all depicted rather crude and sadistic-looking figures. Every little beautiful antique was covered in cobwebs...

Eventually, Twomblez came to what she knew was the door just before the resting place of 7dejong himself. It was a rather large, drawer-filled room, with a frontward side not at all unlike the Grand Staircase of the Titanic. Two staircases rapped around a central door, each leading up to a small platform with a less prominent door. The door below this platform, which read "7D", was assuredly the gateway to 7dejong's room. From this room, Twomblez heard a strange chattering... An eccentric chanting, followed by a crushing sound and many laughs. It was as if some kind of magical spell, most certainly an evil one, was being created beyond this door...

The noise eventually stopped, and Twomblez knew that there would be no better oppurtunities to comfront 7dejong. She put her hands against the door and began to push, when...

THUMP!

"Oh... Sorry," said a soft, familiar voice that Twomblez immediately recongnized. This voice belonged to Maxlover2, local die-shaped tourguide and best, if not only, friend of 7dejong. Max2 had exited the same door Twomblez was trying to enter, knocking her over.

"That's okay," Twomblez said, getting up. "W-what's going on in there?"

"I was just visiting with 7D. He ran out of Graveyards, so he sent me to fetch some more."

Twomblez could only wonder what 7dejong needed with a graveyard, and what he had done to Max2. "Well... Is it okay if I go in? Would I be disturbing any... rituals?"

"No..." Max2 said, giving Twomblez an odd look. "Why would li'l 7D be performing 'rituals'?"

"Oh... So it's... safe?"

"Yeah... Are you okay?"

"FINE! I'm perfectly fine!! I mean, uh... Yes; thanks for asking. And you?"

"...Great," Max2 said, giving one last odd glance to a tense Twomblez before dashing outside. Meanwhile, Twomblez let loose a heavy sigh, realizing that these recent events only further confirmed that 7dejong was some sort of evil magician, perhaps one skilled in hypnosis. Needless to say, she was frozen with fear and couldn't believe she was actually ENTERING the room where the ultimate evil slept...

Behind the fanciful door was a long hallway spangled with pictures of men wearing orange shirts decorated with varying numbers and the letter "D". "7dejong's relatives, no doubt..." Twomblez thought as she noticed their welcoming but somehow stern faces.

At the end of this huge hallway, Twomblez could barely make out a small staircase leading right into a wall; on this staircase was a throne-like chair (more of a couch) with the word "7DEJONG" on its front. To the sides of the throne were many empty, black cans of an unknown substance in front of softly burning candles on the red carpet-spangled wall. It was almost like some sort of shrine to 7dejong, the attendant of the throne-chair.

"Max2, is that you?" 7dejong asked blankly, beginning to barely be able to make out Twomblez, who was still far down the hallway. "You back with those Graveyards yet?"

"Um..." Twomblez nervously gulped mostly to herself. It was then that 7dejong squinted and was finally able to make out Twomblez's figure.

"Why, it's you!" he exclaimed upon doing this. "The lab assistant gal I've heard so much about... What's your name...? It was... Twumphlez, right?"

"Uh..." Twomblez said, nearing 7dejong's throne but wishing she was back in the laboratory.

"Yes, yes; Twumphlez," said 7dejong, rising out of his seat when Twomblez's eyes met his. Soon the two were right next to each other, and Twomblez knew what she had to do. "So--"

"PROFESSOR GADD WAS KIDNAPPED, AND HE LEFT A MESSAGE IN LEET! I CAN'T READ IT; YOU MUST HELP ME!"

7dejong gave Twomblez an awkward look. "I'm... sorry," she told him. "I've... just... heard some rumors about you, and I've been kind of..."

"Hey, guys!" This was Maxlover2, who had just entered the room and was dashing down 7D's long hallway.

"Alright!" 7dejong yelled with joy. "Didja get those Graveyards?"

"You betcha!" said Max, throwing 7dejong a small, black can and keeping another for himself. 7dejong then picked the lid of the can and began barbariously guzzling a multicolored liquid within.

As his can neared emptiness, he threw it to the side of his chair (which he then sat on) and whiped the foam off of his mouth. "Ah... That Graveyard's good stuff. I didn't drink much in the winter, and ended up accumulating so much I had to move my supply outside! Yep, the whole place is surrounded by hills and hills of Graveyards... It's a pretty beautiful thing. I just got up to putting a sign to warn visitors and the like of them this morning..."

"How many visitors do you get?" Twomblez asked, beginning to edge on her own problem.

"Not many," said 7dejong, "which is why I'm very pleased that you came over. Graveyard?"

"Uh... No thanks, Mr. Dejong."

"Mr. Dejong" smiled at her. "You can call me '7D'."

"Alright... 7D," she said, smiling back.

Max2, who was getting bored just watching, then began to speak. "I don't see why people dislike 7D so much! So what if he has trouble keeping the garden well-trimmed and the mansion in shape; big houses like this just... tend to get creepy-looking! Now if people visited him more often, they'd no the kinda guy he really us... Certainly the best MarioWikier I've ever met."

"Why thank you," 7dejong said, grinning. He then looked back at Twomblez before saying, "Now, what's all this about Professor Gadd being kidnapped? ...And what's that note hanging out of your pocket?"

"What... This?" Twomblez said, groping toward her pants for Gadd's note. "It's actually a message he left before disappearing... In Leet!"

"Leet, eh?" 7dejong said. "Not many people know that nowadays. I personally haven't had to speak it since... Well, since my Leet tests in Language School. It's almost never used."

"You can say that again," Twomblez remarked. "Think you can translate it?"

"I know I can," 7D said, grabbing the note from Twomblez's outreached arm. "Hmm... He's goin' harsh on us; no threes or fours here... A 'G', eh? Never seen that one in all my studies... 'HEAT'... Hmm... Ah-HA! Here's what Mr. Gadd said: 'HEAT DEATH COMING. TAKEN BY CLOAKED FIGURE'."

"Cloaked figure?" Twomblez said. "...Strange. I guess we can gather that some sort of cloaked figure was what kidnapped him, then... And what's this 'heat death'? That term's totally new to me."

"Me too," 7dejong said. "Never heard of it..."

"I have," said Maxlover2. "It happened a long time ago..."

"How long?" Twomblez asked.

"I'll just say that it was right around when I first joined MarioWiki and its ways... And when that happened, I immediately befriended 7dejong's great-great-great-great grandfather."

"Wow!" Twomblez exclaimed. "That was... years ago!"

"Yup. Star being = live for a long time. You wouldn't understand. Anyway, that 3D... He had the prettiest little funeral you ever did see... Anyhow, way back then, the MarioWikiers were based on --get this-- Earth!"

"Earth? Really?!" Twomblez had only heard of this far off planet in early school textbooks, which all described it simply as an obscure ball of ice floating out in space.

"Yep. Now, have you ever heard off--" Max2 squinted a little, giving an almost disgusted look, "heat death? The heat death of the universe?"

"Um, no..." Twomblez said, rather embarrassed that she, a well-respected graduate of Woohoo Hooniversity, had never heard of such a subject.

"Well... Where do I start? A LONG time ago, and I mean, like, before the MarioWiki was ever even established, the scientists of Earth theorized that their sun was... burning out."

"What do you mean?"

"It was kinda... losing it. It's hard to understand, but the sun's core was just... diminishing. Some even said it was burning; that the sun had caught itself on fire." Maxlover2 stopped to laugh before quickly getting back to the serious subject at hand. "Anyway, the scientists had this 'heat death' theory, but they were fools. They didn't really care about it; the only message they ever even received from it was to enjoy their remaining days."

"Absurd!" Twomblez and an also-listening 7D said in perfect unison.

"Yes, very," Max said sighing. "If only they'd have known... But there was a little hope. The MarioWikiers of the day thought of heat death as a very serious subject, watched on it closely, and eventually decided that something had to be done. MarioWiki's last days on the survivable Earth were spent warning others... to no avail."

Twomblez gasped. "Do you mean... they failed?"

"...Yes. Unbelievable as it is, they got no support from the other Earthlings. On that very last day, they were all rounding up into an escape pod to the Mushroom Planet... You see, I had prepared their coming from up here and was very up-to-date on everything... And, well, they got no one. Nobody. Nada. Just all of them... No, wait! They even LOST their founder to some cloaked guy... But then they came here, and, as you know, were pretty successful. And that's all I know. That's heat death."

"Fascinating," Twomblez said. "But how could it be 'coming'? It sounds like it's long gone."

"Maybe," 7dejong cut in, "it's coming HERE. Maybe OUR sun's burning out, and maybe OUR days are numbered..."

"Why, that's IT!" Twomblez said. "Poor Elvin was trying to warn us... And I bet that's why he got kidnapped, too! This 'cloaked figure' he spoke of doesn't want us to know about heat death... But what can we do?"

"I suggest going straight to the top," 7D said.

Twomblez gasped. "You don't mean?!"

"Yes, I do," 7dejong replied. "You'll have to see HK-51... He's the only one with enough power to do anything about it."

"But isn't he--" Twomblez gulped, "-feared and hated by all?"

"He is a rather trying leader... But he's gotten us through most of our hardships, right?"

"Yeah, but--"

"And you had similar thoughts about me before we met, right?"

"Yes, but this is--"

"Excellent then! You're off to see Hunter-Killer Fifty-One, mayor of MarioWiki City!"

Twomblez collapsed.

To be continued...