Trip accidentally and tackle one of the ladies
From Create Your Own Story
It's not often you get the chance to trip accidentally even near two such befoolingly, besottingly wantable women, let alone on one (or two if you can execute your money game), so when the opportunity presents, you like to make the best of it.
Falling accidentally is an ancient art, of the same class as that taking flight after a fall, as described in certain books dealing with dolphins, hyperspatial highways, and towels; though where that skill works to counteract gravity, this one seeks to surrender to it, even prompt it.
Accidental trips are not common pratfalls, the bread and butter of nobody rodeo clowns or clumsy fall-up-the-steps first dates forgotten even before the goodnight peck has evaporated. In the hands of a master, they are true accidents, completely unpredictable -- at the highest level of accomplishment, even by the accidental tripper him- or herself. The master of accidentally tripping can never be defeated in hand-to-hand combat, as their maneuvers, being sheerly unimaginable, have no counters. In fact they often enfold their counters into themselves, defeating the opponent in ways hardly conceivable, or concretely describable via major news outlets.
In your time as an aerial acrobat, a professional wrestler, and an Olympic diver, you came across men and women whose humble devotion to this art inspired you to follow their path. And while you would describe yourself only as an advanced amateur, though you dally and fritter away your life like a grasshopper when you could be practicing, refining, deepening your technical wisdom, ever simplifying your approach and outlook on your craft, in your heart you feel one with the greatest accidental trippers. Even as great a one as Evel Knievel.
So you consider carefully, in the few nanoseconds between your pants-headed steps after Willie and the redhead, what maneuver would be most appropriate for the moment. It's a purely aesthetic decision, which is how you like it. However, the longer one considers "one's" maneuver, the more likely it is that it will be more or less conscious when it occurs -- which of course can have all sorts of horrible, scarring, maiming outcomes. You might even look like a buffoon to witnesses. Luckily there are few in this here cornfield. Like maybe a gopher or two.
You consider the Chandelle de Posterieur; madness, of course, for an amateur like yourself even to consider it. The sad story, more poignant than the ends of Icarus and Harry Houdini combined, of the Young Man on the Flying Trapeze who tried it once, and never found his pancreas again. The worst part, of course, was that not a soul even noticed he'd tried it.
Then there's the Terrific And Fantastic Whifferdill Helocastical, a grand, sprawling epic of a tumble; you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll start dropping loose change in the street on purpose, you'll go back to snailmail; you'll forgive your mother; there's just no telling the reaction of the audience when one is performed successfully. After a merely moderately popular one executed in Billingsley, Iowa, the newspapers ran headlines extolling it for three days prior to the attempt. Recommended particularly for those acrobats who have unified the theories of relativity and quantum physics. Also, much easier to execute by a body of water; sadly here there isn't any.
You sigh internally and recall the old standby, the Rookie's Pitch (sometimes called the Rookie's A Bitch, sometimes called Mr Adams' Anti-Knack), wherein one trips by placing one foot in the way of the other, just as if someone else were tripping you. Lacking finesse, even journeyman accidental trippers sneer at it; but in a certain way, it is where all accidental tripping starts; it contains everything one needs to know to accidentally trip, and is approved by the Accidental Trippers' Guild. So it's fair.
- Perform the Chandelle de Posterieur.
- Perform the Terrific And Fantastic Whifferdill Helocastical.
- Perform the Rookie's Pitch.
| Status | ||
| Health | Horny | Location: |
| MP | 0 | |
| Level | 1 | |
