Review: Freedom
From Create Your Own Story
NOTE: THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN EDITED AFTER A BROKEN LINK WAS FOUND WITH THE ENDINGS
Title: Freedom
Author: Wizardbaker
Pages: 41 As of Review
Preview: No
NO
NO
You can't do this
NOT NOW
You were so close! We were so close! The story was almost perfect! You were almost the perfect Joey! Do you get your kicks out of this? You are leaving these people to rot, just to prove your own free will! People are going to suffer now, and it is all your fault!
Review:
I was very intrigued by the name of this story. Not about the topic of freedom, but the fact that it hasn't been taken up by some other user up until now!
Anyway, Freedom centre's around you waking up in the morning, deciding what you would like for breakfast, then leaving for work. That's the story before it gets a bit more 'interesting'. The story branches off into quite a few different areas and I was contently surprised over this, hence the site being called 'Choose Your Own Adventure'. Problem is that they have contradictory storylines.
In one example, everyone is (presumed) dead , while in another you're an average Joe seeking apprenticeship by from different kinds of 'Smiths' around the area. The story also suffers from plot holes in which you would have to fill in the blanks yourself. A very big taboo in the writing world. The story also suffer from 'One-Sided-ness'. This is when you have two choices, one choice lets you continue, while the other automatically fails you. This is okay when it's near the end, perhaps being a life or death decision, but these choices happened in the middle of the story.
One last thing note about Freedom is that you cannot really make choices in what you want to do. An example of this is in the beginning, in which I get to 'choose' what if I want to head downstairs for breakfast, or decide not to and sleep. Immediately after I choose to stay in bed, it reads:
You go back into bed, but quickly decide not to go to sleep.
You can't go to sleep now, the adventure has to go on.
Followed by a link from the previous page which says to go downstairs. This is a Choose your own Adventure site, now, I know that there may be some decisions which have to be compulsory, but this kind of moment happened repeatedly, to the point when it just felt like really short novel.
If you also haven't noticed, the story has many grammatical errors dotted throughout the course of the adventure, leaving behind a less than tasteful experience. A problem that could have been fixed just from a simple proof-read. The pages could have also had a little more detail, or more or less more stuff to read, a few lines here and there would easily draw this up as an intense story.
Once all is said and done, Freedom comes up as an 'interesting' story suffering from plot holes and One-Sided-ness, with mediocre grammar to boot.
