Piggy's Day/Make a rope and a keel

From Create Your Own Story

Captain: "Fine, you try and 'survive' all you want, but I'm making a rope and a keel, and one of these days, Jack..."

He looks down on Jack, shaking his fist.

Captain: "...I'll get you keel-hauled..."

After two days you've found enough coconut fiber to make a rope. Not knowning how to tie a rope, you instead tie a knot every four inches to keep the rope together. You then find yourself a very sharp rock from the woods, and fashion an axe out of it. Using it, you cut down the tallest palm tree you can find, and cut it rectangualry with your axe. The finished keel is excellently curved for keel-hauling purposes. The next night you sneak into your crew's campsite, and wait until everyone is asleep. Then you go into one of their leaf-tents, and tie the rope around Jack's neck. Halfway through, Jack wakes up.

Keel-haul-Jack: "Wha- AAAAAAHHHH!"

Captain: "I'LL KEEL-HAUL YOU, DAMMIT!"

The other crewmembers wake up. You yank Jack up with the rope still around his neck, and run off into the woods. You tie the other end of the rope around his waist, and untie the knot around Jack's neck so he won't suffocate. Reaching the shore, you find the keel, climb on top, and throw Jack down from one end. The captain then pulls from the other side, hauling him under the keel. This is, however, made very difficult by the fact that the keel is on shore. The other crewmembers don't know where the keel is located, and by the time they reach it, they find Jack gasping for breath.

The first mate: "Where did he go?"

Keel-haul-Jack: "*gasp* O-over there...."

Keel-haul-Jack points to the woods.

First Mate: "That's it, I knew he'd gone insane. It's time to hunt down that crazy pig!"

The rest of the crew searches the entire island through the night. Come morning, someone finds captains body under a tree. It seems he tried to climb into the tree to hide, but the tree snapped under his weight. Literally being a fat pig, the crew has no regrets eating him.

At this point you hear a knock on the bathroom door.

Swine: "Piggy, you've been there for hours! You might not need a toilet but I sure do."

Piggy: "Alright, alright. Geez, I need to tone down my fantasies."

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