Calamity
From Superdickery
Is it the next Clonetopia? The next Dolphinland? Who's to say? The story of Calamity begins...now.
And yes, for the record, this will probably be corny.
Contents |
Why?
Once upon a time, people were on Superdickery. It was a golden age, a land of prosperity, and everyone loved each other. There was much e-dating and fake children and glorious, glorious love.
But, nothing lasts forever. People left. People fought. People cried. More people left.
shanealt was sitting around one day, thinking about the people he missed. Sure, he still spoke to HotAndCold over AIM, and he was friends with Doctor Sneeze and wonderfish on Livejournal, but it just wasn't the same! And then wonderfish mentioned that she was going to stop spending time on the internet. Shane panicked! His friends, they were leaving him! This was a bad thing.
Something needed to be done!
Calamity? Really?
"Quickly!" Shane thought, rushing to Invisionfree. "I must make a new forum!" And so he did. And so he did.
"What to name this wondrous land?" he asked himself. He could think of nothing, but a single word popped into his mind. "Calamity!" he exclaimed. "What a brilliant name." Yes, true believers, that's right--for whatever reason, Shane chose to name his new, happy forum after the concept of disaster. His ways are often illogical.
Pokemon? Really?
Invisionfree was cruel, and required Shane to identify the forum, to give it a category. But what to pick? There was nothing that fit! Okay, sure, stuff like "social" and whatnot, but those are boring. "But wait!" Shane thought to himself, scrolling through the lists. "Here we go. Pokemon!" For Shane loves Pokemon. And really, who doesn't? Losers, that's who. So Calamity became a Pokemon forum. Now created, the invitations were sent to a select few, and quickly they came.
Elitists? Really?
Quietly the few conspired, inviting others to their nest. "Come to us," they said. "Hey, you, we like you," they whispered. Some came willingly, others backed away in fear. "Play with us," the few chanted. "Play with us forever and ever and ever."
The forum was not a secret! Heavens, no. But was it openly advertised? Also no. There were certain people...not exactly welcome. Why attract them? It was this attitude that made Calamity slightly controversial, leading to...several incidents best not mentioned.
Calamity became mentioned more and more, and now everyone knows about it, more or less. It's just that most people don't care.
Pokemon? Really? Part Two!
Now that there were a few members, Shane figured, hey, maybe we should get a layout. Because the standard Invisionfree layout invited Dolphinland comparisons. Not that Shane had a problem with Dolphinland--he'd never even been on it--but, well, layouts are nice. Plus, now that Calamity had a counting thread, the confusion was understandable.
Shane happened to be browsing a Pokemon website at the time, and, well, the board was technically a Pokemon forum...so he started to get images of Pokeballs and Ash and Misty and Pikachu and then a random Calamity banner from a Google imagesearch, and a few sloppy edits later, the layout was done! It was a masterpiece. A shitty, shitty masterpiece.
Avatars? Really?
Shane was bored, and loved the idea of forum events. He'd already edited the avatars of a few people, but it was time for something...more. He did a Google image search of everybody's name, grabbed the first image, turned it into an avatar, and assigned it to that person. This endeavor took far too much time, but really, Shane has nothing but time on some days. That's why this page even exists in the first place.
The event began. Confusion, complaints, and even more comparisons to Clonetopia followed. Shane cringed. The avatars did not last.
Administrators? Really?
Every board has their own method of choosing administrators, Calamity included. It is a method with strict rules and is not left up to personal opinions or biases.
First, Shane accepts bribes. This is always important to note. Interestingly, one member actually followed through with a bribe, and now Shane is the proud owner of a Beta Ray Bill action figure. It currently resides in a cardboard box with the rest of his toys, mostly forgotten.
After that, Shane would begin accepting nominations. Except when he wouldn't, and would let everyone have a shot.
Finally, Shane would turn on his Pokemon Diamond game, and go to his Poketch. For those losers out there who do not play Pokemon, a Poketch--short for Pokemon Watch--is a little tool that takes advantage of the DS touchscreen. It has numerous applications, many of them completely worthless. One application simulates a roulette wheel, where different sections can be drawn and marked off as appropriate. Shane would then put every nomination into the application, and then spin. Whoever won would become an administrator!
The first time Shane did this, the non-posting member Pokeperson won. Twice. In a row. Eventually, Pivitor became a Calamity administrator.
Currently, the administrative staff is made up of shanealt, Pivitor, Doctor Sneeze, and Skippy, with moderators Drake everman and Manonganak. An upcoming "election" will appoint one new moderator, and steal the power away from one of the administrators or moderators, chosen at random. Shane is even at risk. He prays that he is not chosen, for it would be rather embarassing.
Negativity? Really?
At one point, people began to complain about how there was all sorts of complaining in what was originally supposed to be a happy forum, where people could escape the drama. Much of this was because most members hailed from Superdickery. So Shane made a subforum where all the negative stuff was to be posted. Skippy didn't want to see this, so it became Members Only so that Shane could filter Skippy out. The thread has complained about SugarSugarNoNo, Starke, and Superdickery in general. There has also been some complaints about family, but those remained mostly ignored unless posted in the main forums.
Filters? Really?
Shane was calling SugarSugarNoNo "Sugarsluts". wonderfish did not like this very much. An argument was had about objectifying women, and all of that. To stop the argument, Shane filtered "slut" into "funnybutton". Everybody liked this. Pivitor then went crazy with similar filters. Occasional other filters are added, always based on forum jokes. Skippy can now only be called "Irish", for instance, and something can only be touched, never fucked. Some people hate this, but the filters give Shane a childlike joy.
Mr. T? Really?
On April Fool's Day, Doctor Sneeze gave the forum a Mr. T layout. It was awesome. It was changed back the next day. Everybody was sad.
Wastelands? Really?
Shane spends too much money. This is a fact. However, he still likes to post about it on Calamity and then complain about how he's broke. He is silly that way. Skippy began to threaten Shane, saying that if he continued spending money, Skippy would use his administrator abilities to destroy the forum. Shane laughed and continued spending.
Several hundred (okay, thousand) dollars later, Skippy destroyed the world. Only a wasteland remained. The other administrators quickly fixed this, and Skippy was temporarily depowered. The new Wasteland forum was kept on, though, and everybody was given moderator abilities in there. For awhile, Ingiald and a few others went crazy, and nobody could keep track of what was going on. After a few days, they all got bored. The wasteland is mostly forgotten now.
Skippy went on another destructive streak after Shane bought more stuff, and all of the forum names were changed, and every page could only have one post on it. Although that part was brought back to normal, the new forum names remained. As such, the Wasteland is now simply named "The Mess".
Really? Really?
Shane made a page for Calamity on the Superdickery Wiki. He used the word "Really?" a lot. It is probably best not to read this page, because really, what's the point?
