You hear what you want to hear

From Rpcvdraft

My passport says I entered Nigeria on Nov 6, 1965. I was in Biafra when it declared its independence on May 30, 1967 and left Biafra July 20 1967 from Port Harcourt. My passport only says I left Nigeria July 23 1967 for Ghana on the way to Somalia.

As things heated up prior to and including Biafra, I remember thinking that only BBC or VoA would be closer to a non bias viewpoint. Certainly no newspaper or radio broadcast from Nigeria or the Eastern Region could be trusted. This was a very specific thought that I held every time I read a newspaper or listened to the news. I never said it aloud to anyone, but I considered everything in the press to be propaganda. I reminded myself of this many time. I am not trying to make a value judgment about any point of view except my own.

Yeah, so what? "You see what you want to see, and hear what you want to hear", says the Rockman in "The Point". Without trying to be too contemporary, the lesson I learned then is that is not exactly true. This hit me when I was in some Hotel in Lagos and the thought went through me head that I was probably surrounded by Nigerians who wanted information about Biafra and were ready to swoop in.

Another of my concepts of self includes a "guy who sits on my shoulder". When that thought went through my head, "my guy" simply asked if I really believed that? It was like an instant whack of culture shock. It staggered me. In some ways my internal value system said I was definitely paranoid. In short, part of me had bought into the "Be Vigilant" poster and all the words and thoughts I was exposed to in Biafra. This flipped me on my head.

It had a profound impact. I realized conditioning happens and it is not just about me.

A few months before, I had realized that part of me had made a serious switch. I thought I was Black, as in African black. Along with other PCVs, I had walked into a fancy hotel in Port Harcourt to watch a movie. As we moved to the front to find seats, I started tucking in my shirt, checking my buttons and zippers repeatly. After sitting down, I kept this up until "my guy" asked me why I was repeating this behavior. I identified that I felt nervous, my guy asked why? I realized that most people in the theater were not Nigerian and I thought they were all looking at me, I was different than them. With this rationalization, I started to laugh at the great joke.