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From Randomramblings

Current revision as of 23:27, 24 October 2006

Poppington is afraid of munsters and robuts what gonna et him up.

This page needs more yiff. You can help RR by donning your furrysuit and humping it into shape.

Look out behind you?

How to portect yourself

Let's start with munsters. This accounts for everything from Alieums to Zumbies.

Alieums: These have long sausage heads. How do you defeat sausages? With a knife, you can cut them into thin lunchmeat slice heads. These also have tails. How do you defeat things with tails? By giving them a baby. Babies yank the crap out of tails. Just hand them a baby with a knife and you're gold.

Blob, the: This will absorb you. Try to wear gloves so it can't absorb you. If you don't have gloves you can just pull out your handy dandy liquid nitrogen bomb. Gloves are easier to find.

Christine: This car is like possessed by the devil or something. Maybe spray it with water so it will rust. I hear blood is like 90% water so you can just push your friend into her.

Damn Snakes: Why did it have to be snakes? There isn't any stopping these probably just make peace with christ and take your own life.

Elves: These are creepier than anything, but they're totally short and white. Just hide the little crackers' weapons on the top shelf. Be careful, lest they bite you and you become one of them.

Farms: Not the ordinary farms, farms that are also one giant munster. Be careful of their horrible corn fields. Luckily they can't move beyond the indian burial grounds they were built on, so you can just burn them to the ground from a distance.

Gremlins: Try drowning them?

Humbugs: These things hate christmas spirit, so it's best to avoid anything christmas related to keep them at peace. Also, they'll burrow into your brain and lay eggs so watch out for that.

Invisible Man You can't see him unless you put something visible on him, so you should always stay inside a pool of paint. Wear x-ray gogs so you can see through the paint yourself, otherwise it will just be darkness. I guess you would also see through the paint on the Invisible Man so he would still be invisible, but maybe he'll get radiation poisoning from your goggles.

Jason: He may be a zumbie but he's profilic enough for his own segment. Also he's the only munster that starts with J. He only kills people he sees doing drugs or having premarital sex or swearing or disrespecting their mother. Basically don't sin and you'll be fine.

Kermit: It aint easy being green, so he's trying to turn the whole world red. He thinks they go together or something. Anyways he kills anyone who lays eyes on him if they don't kill three others by the end of the month. Just try not to lay eyes on him.

Lepercan: These are like elves, only they'll eat you more often and are Irish elves. Avoid raimbows and pots of gold and the color green. (It is believed that the widespread fear of green caused by lepercans has made it uneasy being green for kermit. This spreading may or may not continue.)

Mothra: Turn on a light on the other side of town. She'll go for it.

Nerf Crotch Bat: Block your crotch. It hurts like a foam bat to the crotch.

Octopus: These may not seem like munsters at first, but if you look at their crazy beak you will see different. These can even move on land. They're like eight damn snakes and an elf rolled into one. Even Christ cannot save you, and they're too sadistic to let you take your own life, and you can't avoid them. Just accept them and wait.

Pagans: Pagans perform rituals that result in much candy for children all over the world, but without children what they gonna do? I mean seriously. Just lock your kids up to protect them. Pagans are pretty much the lamest monsters ever.

Q: Hard to use in scrabble. Try to pass it off as an O.

Rope Mummies: They're like mummies only covered in rope. Hanging them won't work, they won't even notice. You can't tie them up, because they'll just go, "yah so what," if you do. I suggest shooting them.

Skeletons: They're just like zumbies who showed up late. If they eat your flesh it will just fall to the floor and you can get it right back. No big threat.

The headless horseman: Punkin for a head. Wait for his punkin to decay, then he can't see you. Hollow out a sleepy place for him in case he gets tired of waiting.

Urkel's ghost: He died right? Just be careful not to cross the beams.

V for Vendetta This jerk is trying to overthrow a perfectly good government with his creepy bald sidekick. It's losers like this that give totalitarians a bad name. Luckily, if you make him believe your government is some hippy anarchy happy lovefest, he won't make much trouble.

Wolfman: He has the strength of a wolf and a man, and he can shoot webs from his wrists and climb walls. He's got family members you can take out if you find his secret identity.

X flavored ghost?: I don't know! Why are all the hard letters at the end of the alphabet!?

Yautja: Turns out Yautja is what Predaturs call themselves. These things are all slimy and gross and have fleshy dreadlocks so try to keep their helmets on. Do the same as with invisible men here, not the same as alieums, that's a very important distinction to make.

Zumbies: Zumbies want you to be one of them because they don't think your lifestyle is good enough. They'll try to recruit you by biting you, just like those door to door wacky religion guys. If a zumbie tries to bite you, you just bite him before he does you and he'll turn into a human. It wont work biting a zumbie if you're already a zumbie, so make sure to bite them as a human.

Robuts

Robuts are less varied than munsters, but just as dangerous, if not more. The square bodied cyclops model has been the standard for over 400 years. New robuts have been invented, but these types have always come back as the most effective.

Robut history:

The very first robuts were built 300 years ago, just after God created the heavens and the earth, and just before he hid all those dinosaur bones underground for people to find.

Robuts in the future will have had sent a self replicating robut into the past to see what it was like before the universe was formed, but those had a critical malfunction with their floppy disc drives and went mad! They soon became the dominate species of robuts we live in fear of today!

Robuts in the present:

Luckily, robuts have been just standing there patrolling the streets ever since we developed a material that could deflect their human sensors and coated every house with it. Thanks to lead paint mixed with asbestos, and as long as nobody ever leaves their house, the robots will continue to believe we have all died out. Also nobody make any noise, okay?

(surveys show that the average household can survive for about eight more days before running out of food so we may need to come up with a new plan. Give us about a week.)

Robuts in the future:

Lucky us, we've managed to capture the origional robut that was sent back into the past from the future. We've disabled his radio communication so none of the others know where he is, and we're interrogating him about the future.

Sleep deprivation doesn't seem to be working. We can't torture him because bult with a synthesized soul. If you have any info on how to extract info from a robut with a damaged disc drive, please fill out the form below:

Name:______________
To ________ data from a robot with a ________ disc ________, all you need to do is ________ it's ________. Once that's done, _______ open the ________ casing and ________ the ________. Watch out for the robuts ________ claws and ________ grip! Replace the________ into the robut and ________ in the new disc drive. ________ you're all done!

Reference sheet:
1)A person's name
2)verb
3)adjective
4)noun
5)verb
6)noun
7)adverb
8)adjective
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10)noun
11)adjective
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15)exclamation