Admin at 20:26, 21 December 2007

2007-12-21T20:26:01Z

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{{Template:Info/Species
|image = Smartass.jpg
|size = 240px
|caption = It's pronounced due-mass.
|Where the wild things are.
|(see mneumonics)
|is where you should be if you<br>don't know the above word's definition.
| '''Drop and give me fifty, Faggot!'''...
|family = Suborder
|"In a pink tutu with handlebar braids!"
|genus = Genius
|Not to be confused with Genus
|Smart Masses
|''They're'' the ones saving ''our'' asses from extinction. (pun intended)
|Duh.
|Gay Bride
|name2 = Range
|image2 = Earth.jpg
|size2 = 240px
|caption2 = Smartasses populate the whole planet. (Yes, that includes the oceans, because they can obviously swim. When I said whole planet, do you really think I meant the WHOLE planet? Jesus Heysis Christo)
|
}}

The '''smartass''' ''(Equus genius)'' is a type of [[donkey]] known for its very high [[intelligence]], with an [[IQ]] ranging from 150 to 950 .

{{Wilde|I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass| Smartasses}}

==Appearance==

A smarty smart smartass looks just like any other donkey, which can make distinguishing a smartass from an ordinary donkey about as hard as telling [[Japanese]] and [[Black people]] apart. However, if a smartass is in its natural habitat, it can be easily identified as a smartass. A smartass's [[house]] has a lot of "intellectual" objects in it. [[Book]]s, [[essay]]s (the American kind), and [[math]]ematical [[formula]]e litter a smartass's house. This differs from a donkey's habitat in that donkeys live in the sties, with the only exception being [[you]]. (Seriously, if I had to tell you that donkeys don't live indoors, then you ain't exactly on the [[Stephen King]] end of the [[evolutionary]] food chain.)

Oh, and if you '''''really''''' don't know what a smartass looks like, then you definitely shouldn't look at that picture at the sidebar to the right, cause that's totally a picture of a smartass over there.

==Mating habits==

Smartasses are the leading experts on [[pickup line]]s; in fact, they were invented by smartasses. The first pickup line was used by a teenage male smartass, who said to his potential mate, "Hee-haw!", which is equine for "I just watched a sketch comedy TV show about rednecks. Wanna fuck?" The two dated, and eventually they were [[happily married]].

Sadly, smartass pickup lines have worked poorly ever since [[human]]s learned about them. Humans have come up with a rather wide variety of pickup lines, and are even on the verge of inventing a pickup line that's still funny the second time you hear it. This is much superior than the smartass's methods, seeing as how they only say "Hee-haw". But just so you know, "Hee-haw" is not the only thing a smartass can say, but they obviously just choose to say it all the time, sorta like how you're not dumb; you just choose to be dumb all the time.

==Slavery==

Smartasses are free to do anything, however, this has not always been the case. In the [[Medieval]] times, smartasses were forced to do mental work such as transferring [[crops]] from the field to the silo. Of course, back then everyone who wasn't the [[King]] was the King's [[babe]], but even up to the [[1800s]], smartasses were primarily used as beasts of burden in all parts of the world. When the [[Emancipation Proclamation]] was signed, smartasses were freed, and after the [[trail of tears]] movement of the [[2008's]], smartasses were legally considered equal to other humans. However, every known person in a political party is attempting to reverse both these decisions to make smartasses slaves once again. After all, nobody likes a dumbass.

And since I just know some idiot is going to say something like "Well what about me? I like smartasses!", I'm just going to go ahead and remind you that admitting you like smartasses only proves you are indeed a smartass.

==Smartasses in culture==

Smartasses have impacted culture in many prominent ways:

*Smartasses are often considered to be pioneers of [[stand-up comedy]]. [[Demetri Martin]] is proud to admit he is a smartass with extensive [[plastic surgery]]. Many other notable stand-up comedians have had surgery so as to fool people into thinking they're humans.
*[[Dionysius]] was often portrayed as a smartass.
*The smartass is the symbol of really smart [[Entrepreneur]]s

I know what you're thinking: "You said smartasses had 8 prominent effects on culture! That's only [[3|three]]! Three isn't enough!" Oh yeah, well you've had [[0|zero]] prominent effects on culture, and three divided by zero may or may not be [[infinity]] times three, making it a 50% chance of failure, 50% chance of success, and a 0% chance for compassion?

==Etymology==

The word smartass derives from the [[Greek]] word "smar", meaning "seventeen", and the [[ROT13]] word "tas", meaning "tater salad"... '''WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?'''

==See also==

*[[Ass]]
*[[Dumbass]]
*[[Wiseass]]
*[[Fatass]]
*[http://www.thesmartass.info TheSmartass]
*[[Triple Dog Dare]]
*[[Bestiality]]

[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Education]]
[[Category:Mammals]]
[[Category:Better than you]]
[[Category:UnBestiary]]

Smartass - Revision history

Admin at 20:26, 21 December 2007