Admin at 00:57, 28 December 2007

2007-12-28T00:57:51Z

New page

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<center>'''This super-secret page contains tools for use by [[Uncyclopedia]] administrators only. If you are not an admin, please close your browser NOW.'''</center>
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{{Wilde|STOP READING THIS IF YOU'RE NOT AN ADMIN! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER THAN THIS QUOTATION!}}

== Article deletion ==

'''{{tl|coin}}''' This tool is used as the first step to decide whether to [[kitten huffing|huff]] individual newly-created article stubs on sight:

{|width=90%
||
;heads: deface
;tails: delete
;edge: nominate on VFH
||{{coin}}
|}

== Editing and page protection ==

'''{{tl|card}}''' If an article survived the previous step, decide here how to deface it beyond recognition:

{|width=90%
||
* 2 - Delete it and redirect to [[Uncyclopedia:CVP]]
* 3 - Delete it and replace with a redirect to [[Special:Randompage]]
* 4 - Add it to [[Uncyclopedia:QuickVFD]]
* 5 - Add it to [[Uncyclopedia:Pages for deletion]]
* 6 - Add more [[templates]]
* 7 - Add more [[cowbell]]
* 8 - Keep and rewrite beyond recognition
* 9 - Move to [[Undictionary]], where every useless one-line stub goes
* 10 - Keep any hot bikini pictures from the article
* Jack - Cut and paste into [[Jack the Ripper]] article
* Queen - Another one gone and another one gone, [[Queen|another one bites the dust...]]
* King - [[death|Off with its head]]!
* Aces - the page is good as it is. Protect it so no one can actually edit it.
and:
* Clubs - club the user into unconsciousness
* Hearts - take 'em and break 'em *blush*
* Spades - shovel some more rubbish in there
* Diamonds - sell 'em out to the highest bidder
||{{card}}
|}

== Random bannination ==

'''{{tl|die}}''' This tool is used to decide the [[F8|fate]] of individual editors on [[Uncyclopedia]] after randomly trashing their fine contributions:

{|width=80%
||
# - ban user for life and revert all posts
# - arbitrarily ban user for life
# - ban user for some random duration and go back to sleep
# - replace user's posts with {{Random Swearing}} swearwords
# - seek out and and revert all of user's edits
# - ignore user completely and maybe they'll go away
||{{die}}
|}

== Featured article ==

'''{{tl|slots}}''' This tool is used if any text is left intact, to decide whether to nominate what's left of the article for VFH or VFP:
{|width="99%"
|valign="top"|
{|
||[[Image:Slots-cherry.gif|30px]][[Image:Slots-cherry.gif|30px]][[Image:Slots-cherry.gif|30px]]
||Nominate for [[VFH]]
|-
||[[Image:Slots-pineapple.gif|30px]][[Image:Slots-pineapple.gif|30px]][[Image:Slots-pineapple.gif|30px]]
||Nominate for [[VFP]]
|-
||[[Image:Slots-bar2.gif|30px]] or [[Image:Slots-bar3.gif|30px]]
||Just kidding, go ahead and ban user forever!
|}
||{{slots}}
|}

== Misc cabal actions ==

'''{{tl|Chess}}''' Instructions for interpretation are on Admin Secret Form E-317a, pages 17-338.

{|width="99%"
|valign="top"|
{|
|-
||[[Image:chess_pw.gif|left]] A non-admin user is always represented as a white pawn. Admin pieces are black.
|-
||[[Image:chess_pb.gif|left]] If surrounded by pawns, user has been [[pwned|PWNED]].
|-
||[[Image:chess_rb.gif|left]] If surrounded by rooks, user must [[Uncyclopoly|go to jail. Go directly to jail.]]
|-
||[[Image:chess_nb.gif|left]] If surrounded by knights, user has been SLAIN and fed to [[grue|dragons]].
|-
||[[Image:chess_bb.gif|left]] If surrounded by bishops reciting last rites, user is to be blown back to [[God|Gosh]].
|-
||[[Image:chess_qb.gif|left]] If user is surrounded by queens, s/he is to be handed over to the [[fashion]] [[police]].
|-
||[[Image:chess_kb.gif|left]] If user is surrounded by burger kings, would you like [[freedom fries|fries]] with that?
|}

||{{chess}}
|}

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==If all else fails==

Ban the user for vandalising a [[Main Page|protected page]]. Seeming as though you have (almost) absolute power, no-one will ask how the user managed to do this in the first place.

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<center>'''This super-secret page contained tools for use by [[Uncyclopedia]] administrators only. If you are an admin from some other site or a spy from {{c|**censored**}} and you read this page anyway, oh boy, you're in for it, eh?'''</center>
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[[Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes]]

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SAP - Revision history

Admin at 00:57, 28 December 2007