Plastic at 22:04, 27 January 2008

Plastic — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:04:53 GMT

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YAY STUFF

Format:

_________________

"Opening quote"

_________________

(Number and name)

(Tippi comment)

"Quote when killed"

"Post-fight quote"

________________

"Next Sammer Guy's opening quote"

________________

You get it.

_________________

"You stand before Jade Blooper, the lurking threat that guards
the 1st gate."

_________________

0001: Jade Blooper

Tippi: That is a Sammer Guy. This martial artist serves King
Sammer... Max HP is 1-99. Attack is 1-10. Defense is 0-4. Basic
attack patterns are similar, but every Sammer Guy is different...
There are 100 of them in all. You will have to adapt to fighting
each one... They always fight with great honor...

"I am sunk..." (it sank)

"Your skill is strong. Your master has taught you many ancient
techniques... May we cross tentacles again, challenger!"

_________________

"I SEE YOU! Look upon Hill with Eyes, keeper of the 2nd gate! You
run along the earth, attacking immobile blocks... AND I SEE YOU!
You leap above deep pits, Dodging wandering beases... AND I WATCH
YOU! Soon you will fall in battle by my merciless hand... AND I
WILL LAUGH AT YOU!"

_________________

0002: Hill with Eyes

Tippi: That's Hill with Eyes, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... He once lost a staring contest to King Sammer and hasn't
recovered...

"Ow... Right in the eye..."

"You did not wither beneath my cold, unflinching stare... And so I
am defeated... But defeat and victory are equally meaningless to
one such as I. I will remain in the distance, waiting without
remorse and... ALWAYS WATCHING!"

_________________

"An opponent blows in... My name floats like an ill wind, for I am
Puffing Fist, Guardian of the 3rd gate! I can send the mightiest
opponent to his doom with a single strike! Pwaaaaaaang!"

_________________

0003: Puffing Fist

Tippi:That's Puffing Fist, one of King Sammer's Legendary Sammer
Guys... He claims to have studied ancient Pwaaaang traditions.
Whatever that means...

"Noo... It is you who has death the pwaaaanging..." (WTF?!?!)

"I have failed the ancient Pwaaaaaaaaang traditions! My strikes
lack puff. I must go and train at the cloud temple. I will use
my remaining vacation days.

_________________

"Soon, challenger, you will scream in terror at the name of the
Flightless Bird! For I am Squatting Birdo, ever-hunkering guardian
of the 4th gate! Now you will now the fury of the most deadly
fighting style. Birdo...SQUAT!"
_________________

0004: Squatting Birdo

Tippi: That's Squatting Birdo, one of King Sammer's legendary
Sammer Guys... He's a true master of the Squatting Birdo stance...

"SQUAAAAWWWWWK!"

"The egg of my defeat burns hot on my face... I bow to your skill.
Birdo be with you, challenger!"

_________________

"Tell me, challenger, have you ever tried to catch a jumping fish
with your bare hands? You will know the frustration soon, for I am
Leaping Cheep, keeper of the 5th gate! The Cheep Cheep soars in the
air and strikes its prey like a fishy tsunami!"
_________________

0005: Leaping Cheep

Tippi: That's Leaping Cheep, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... He spends days at a time awkwardly attempting to leap out
of the water...

"But...That's so cheeeeeep!"

"Your skill is strong. If only my flying, fishy friends had lept to
my aid when I had called out for them..."

_________________

"Before we must fight, consider this haiku...
"A challenger comes... "Under the darkening sky... Wiggity Wiggle."
Master Wiggler wiggles in defense of the 6th gate... WIGGLE WIGGLE
WIGGLE!"
_________________

0006: Master Wiggle

Tippi: That's Master Wiggler, one of King Sammer's legendary
Sammer Guys... His abstract haiku poetry has quite a following in
literary circles...

"Wigggggoooorrrttt!"

"Before you leave, contemplate this haiku... "The challenger came..
Now my face wiggles in pain... Wiggle wiggle wig..." Wiggle on,
warrior. Wiggle on..."

_________________

"STOMPOW! I am Shoe of Kuribo! I protect the 7th gate! STOMPOW!
Some try to tiptoe past me like little fancy slippers! I stomp
them! STOMPOW! Shoe, stomps all! STOMPOW! Shoe of Kuribo will tread
on you! STOMPOW!"

_________________

0007: Shoe of Kuribo

Tippi: That's Shoe of Kuribo, one of King Sammer's legendary
Sammer Guys... He goes through several pairs of shoes a month...

"STOMPOWED!"

"Stompow... I am stomped... You crushow my stompow... You boot
shoe! STOMPOW!"

_________________

"YOU FRY NOW! I am Guy who Fry, master of the Dripping Magma Punch,
guard of the 8th gate. I see your eyes burn with purpose. Will I
torch you today? Or will your burning desire to win extinguish me?
I say... YOU FRY NOW!"

_________________

0008: Guy who Fry

Tippi: That's Guy who Fry, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... Guy who Fry's special Sammer Guy diet consists entirely of
deep-fried foods...

"It is I who fry today..."

"I am like a sad pail of discarded grease... Go now and fry Sammer
Guys in memory of Guy who Fry!"

_________________

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZK!
The shrill shriek of the SCREEEAAAAMING MANTISSSSS paralyzes you at
gate 9! You are now motionless with fear! Now I prey on your face!
YEZZZZZZZK!"

_________________

0009: Screaming Mantis

Tippi: That's Screaming Mantis, one of King Sammer's legendary
Sammer Guys... Screaming Mantis is often on the injured reserve,
due to hoarseness of the throat...

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHZZZZZZZ!"

"Screaming Mantis's throat grows hoarse... Screaming Mantis
requires a lozenge..."

_________________

"And so you come at last... Like a young bloom poking through an
early spring snow. I am called Koopa in Winter. I wait, immobile,
by the 10th gate. The plant that blooms early freezes and perishes,
and so, too, shall you!"

_________________

0010: Koopa in Winter

Tippi: That's Koopa in Winter, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer
Guys... He's not sure why, but he cries every time he looks at a
sunset...

"N-N-N-Noooooooo!"

"The cold sun of winter has set upon my soul... It made you bloom
this day, but beware... The ice and snow know no allegiance. They
will consume you, too!"

_________________

"The 11th gate... A place of power. And here you will find
Footsteps of Coins! Tell me, warrior, do you walk with your eyes
open? Do you see many coins? Coins in blocks, coins on clouds...
Everywhere there are coins glittering. It is I who leave them
It is I who wander the wide world, coins falling from my heels.
Does this mean others should pick up my coins? OF COURSE NOT!
The coins are mine alone! And now, I will make change out of YOU!
CHA-CHING!"

_________________

0011: Footsteps of Coins

Tippi: That's Footsteps of Coins, one of King Sammer's famous
Sammer Guys... His lesser know brother is called Footsteps of
Meat...

"I'm broke!"

"My wealth was in my battle skills, and you have robbed me of them.
My poverty of spirit is now matched by my empty pockets. And now I
am faced with... NO! A loan from Mother! She will frown upon me!
I would rather sell my weapons!"

_________________

"So, you challenge your skill in the Duel of 100? I am the guardian
of the 12th gate... Urchin Lung. Hah hah. So... you must be
wondering "How many more of these guys must I fight?" FOOL! There
are 88 more of us! Does your resolve falter? Do you have what it
takes? It is a relentless marathon on martial artistry! Now, come
at me!"

_________________

0012: Urchin Lung

Tippi:That's Urchin Lung, one of King Sammer's more infamous Sammer
Guys... He was once King Sammer's personal Trainer, until an
unfortunate sit-up incident...

"A cramp! I yield..."

"Hah hah. So you are not a slacker after all, fresh challenger...
You may have the stamina to defeat us all. Or, perhaps you will
get a side ache!"

_________________

"KAKAAAAAWWWW! KAKAAWWW! I will feast on the delicious flavor of
your defeat! I am Crow who Eats, guardian of the 13th gate! I will
make many meals from your shame! KAAAAAKAAAAWW!"

_________________

0013: Crow who Eats

Tippi: That's Crow who Eats, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... He likes to taunt his foes, which makes it a little more
awkward when he loses...

"Kawwwwwww...kawwwww...kaww..."

"Cruel Irony, now it is I who must eat crow..."

_________________

"Hewwo, pwaything! I am Swollen Tongue, master of the 14th gate.
Flear me! You shall not gas! Wait, I mean gwass! I mean... PASS!
Oh, who cares! Lettuce fight! Gahh!"

_________________

0014: Swollen Tongue

Tippi:That's Swollen Tongue, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... His affliction makes the customary prebattle taunt a little
difficult...

"Glaagb... I have been fit! I mean... HIT! I wish I was more fit.."

"So... Had enough, have you? Buy now! I mean BYE!"

_________________

"The foe you face next is Slipping Grip, fearless guardian of the
15th gate. I am a new student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts
Academy... But I recently passed my Slapatology exam with the
highest marks! Now it is you who reap the benefits of my
industrious note taking!"

_________________

0015: Slipping Grip

Tippi: That's Slipping Grip, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... He's a young student at the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts
Academy...

"Grip...Slipping..."

"I bring shame upon the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts
Academy! But you will be no match for my brothers! Their palms
wield the fury of the winds!"

_________________

"So you have defeated my brother... I am the second most famous
student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... You have no doubt
seen me in the academy newsletter. I am Clammy Hand. Guarding the
16th gate is my senior project. I WILL NOT FAIL!"

_________________

0016: Clammy Hand

Tippi: That's Clammy Hand, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... His notouriously clammy grip must make first introductions
a little awkward...

"The world grows clammy... So...clammy..."

"Do not think this is done. You must face my other brother next!
He got detention for studying the forbidden Wicked Palm of a
Thousand Sweats!"

_________________

"I am Forbidden Slap, former top student of the Sweaty Palm Martial
Arts Academy... But I was expelled for learning forbidden slapping
techniques from dark tomes. Now, I wield history's most feared and
reviled sword slaps!

_________________

0017: Forbidden Slap

Tippi: That's Forbidden Slap, one of King Sammer's more infamous
Sammer Guys... He was expelled from school for learning the
Wicked Palm of a Thousand Sweats...

"The Forbidden Slap yields..."

"You have defeated the three star pupils of the Sweaty Palm Martial
Arts Academy..."

_________________

"Come closer! I am just a harmless leaf on the trimmed lawn of the
18th gate... HAAACHHH! NO! I am Hairy Arantula in the Grass! I leap
onto your head and bite your earlobe! HAAACHHH!"

_________________

0018: Hairy Arantula in the Grass

Tippi:That's Hairy Arantula in the Grass, one of King Sammer's
famous Sammer Guys... He loves to hide in the grass in the park and
leap out and startle people...

"Tchchchchch-Tchchh-Tch..."

"Your earlobe, it is like IRON! I skitter away..."

_________________

"Stoic and impeneterable, Another Castle stands vigil over the 19th
gate... Many challengers attempt to lay siege to me. All leave in
tears. Tire yourself all you like pummeling my stony abdomen...
I WILL NOT FAIL!"

_________________

0019: Another Castle

Tippi:That's Another Castle, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer
Guys... He takes himself so seriously that he once dug a moat
around himself...

"Walls...Falling..."

"Well done... but your prize is in another castle...Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha."

_________________

"SMOOOSH! TO ROLLING THWOMP, THERE IS ONE THING BEST IN LIFE...
ROLLING. SQUISH! I ROLL OVER YOU AND MAKE YOU FLAT LIKE SHEET OF
PAPER!"

_________________

0020: Rolling Thwomp

Tippi: (Didn't get)

"BYORGG!"

"WHY DO YOU NOT SQUISH FOR ROLLING THWOMP? ROLING AND SQUISHING IS
NOT THE SAME AS IT WAS... YOU GO NOW... I HAVE LOST PASSION FOR
SQUISH..."

_________________

"The guardian of the 21st gate simmers in hot, savory fury!
I am THRASHING PRAWN! You will never pierce my briny husk! I will
flail mercilessly at your face with my tiny arms!"

_________________

0021: Thrashing Prawn

Tippi: He loves butter... For some reason he slathers it on
everything...

"I thrash...in...rage..."

"So you have defeated the briny terror of the Sammer Kingdom...
But there are crabbier challengers ahead..."

_________________

"GRAARRRR! It is I, Thousand-Year Roar! I will make your ears
explode with a guttural, manly shout!"

_________________

0022: Thousand-Year Roar

Tippi: He spends weekend mornings sipping coffee and quietly
reading the paper...

"Yelp!"

"Grarrr...? The Thousand-Year Roar is reduced to a pitiful
whimper..."

_________________

"I am Unshy Guy. Public speaking holds no challenge for me! I will
bludgeon you with my confidence and charm!"

_________________

0023: Unshy Guy

Tippi: He makes piles of coins making appearances on the Sammer
lecture circuit...

"My confidence is shattered..."

"The balloon of my self esteem has been savagely punctured. I feel
so...deflated..."

_________________

"I am...Useless Badge. Living a life without utility enrages me!
I may only exist for novelty. but that won't stop me from attacking
you with futility!"

_________________

0024: Useless Badge

Tippi: He doesn't seem to think much of his own abilities...

"It is... useless..."

"Bleh! You reek of shrooms... It is a most disgusting odor! Is that
the secret to being less useless? Do you eat them and be useful?
I hate shrooms, but I will eat them by the handful id they make me
less ineffective..."

_________________

"FOULNESS! I am Sunshine Flood, the shining beacon that exposes
your filthy filth! I will mop the stage with your filthy clothes!
FILTHY FILTH FILTH!

_________________

0025: Sunshine Flood.

Tippi: He's obsessed with cleaning. You should see his kitchen...

"I have been filthed..."

"You have shamed me. You are truly a champion... A filthy champion,
but a champion nonetheless... Now you may go and prove your filth
to even stronger sammer guys...."

_________________

"Tell me. challenger, do you come to the 26th gate seeking a kick
in the face? I am Grand Master Kickface, foremost dispenser of
swift kicks in face. You seek face kick... AND FACE KICK YOU
RECEIVE!

_________________

0026: Grand Master Kickface

Tippi: He often teaches clinics on proper and effective
foot-to-face contact...

"Ughh...my face..."

"Many faces I have kicked... But this day, it is my face that has
felt foor... I must climb the highest peak and meditate on my
failure to kick face... You may pass. May your feet swiftly impact
the faces of a dozen warriors..."

_________________

"You arrive at the 27th gate, but you foolishly do not look to the
skies. I do not wear it now, but I am Soaring Cape! I would have
swooped down on you. But my cape has shrunk, and now I must defeat
you tethered to the earth. I am at a great disadvantage. If you
have honor, you will not use your best ability! I will fight you,
but know you do not face my full soaring wrath!

_________________

0027: Soaring Cape

Tippi: He doesn't wear it now, but sadly, he often wears his cape
in public...

"I am...grounded..."

"If only I had my cape! They will pay dearly for shrinking my cape
of soaring. Take your victory and run, but always turn and look to
the skies behind you!"

_________________

"WAACHAAWW! KEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAWWWWWWWWW 28TH GATE HICHOOWWWWWWWWWWW
YOWLING YUX HYAAWW!............ PACHOWWW!"

_________________

0028: Yowling Yux

Tippi: He's the lead singer for a popular heavy Sammer band...

"Keyawwww..."

"My battle screams had no effect on you... That was the first time
I had to fight... Everyone else ran away when I started shouting
long, crazed strings on nonsense... You may pass, but do not tell
the others! They think I am an insane grand master..."

_________________

"The 29th gate. A place of gossip and legend. Here you find
Mystical Whistle. I am hidden here, deep in the Duel of 100, to
keep my intoxicating power safe. Many have sought to harness my
power to ride the wind past the obstacles of life. Some succeed.
There is a name for them. That name is CHEATER. Now, I will CHEAT
you out of your life!"

_________________

0029: Mystical Whistle

Tippi: Curiously, dogs run away whenever he approaches...

"You must have...used...a...code..."

"You have defeated Mystical Whistle, but I will not whisk you to a
faraway land... Cheaters are only cheating themselves out of a
great journey... You have honor, and so I know you would not wish
to dishonor yourself. You may pass. But know that Mystical Whistle
always waits, ever tempting..."

_________________

HAH HAH HAH. You are that famous hero from a faraway world! HAH
HAH. Long have I heard of your brave deeds and comical hijinks!
HAH. Never did I, Laughing X-Naut, expect to meet you here at
the 30th gate! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. (I hate you.)"

_________________

0030: Laughing X-Naut

---That reminds me, I have to tape The Grodus Chronicles with
my recordomeow.

Tippi: He really likes watching comedies...

"Hah...hah...hah...hah..."

"Hah. Hah. Hah. X-naut. I laugh on the outside, but I cry on the
inside... Always crying..."

_________________

"Some men dance on dance floors... Some men dance in jubliant
celebration... And some men dance on the heads of turtles...
I AM THAT MAN. I am... Dances on Turtles. Today, it is you who are
the turtle!"

_________________

0031: Dances on Turtles

Tippi: He's not very tech savvy. Any machine with buttons sends him
into a panic...

"You have danced a lively jig upon my honor..."

"I gained so much joy from dancing upon turtles and kicking their
shells... I must find a new hobby, like sliding down hills INTO
turtles. I will change my name!"

_________________

"Gingerly you step towards the 32nd gate, and for good reason...
For Fathomless Chasm of Falling stands between you and the gate.
Many have attempted to leap beyond me, only to plummet to their
game over... You cannot leap what is unleapable... NOW YOU MUST
PLUNGE TO YOUR DOOM!"

_________________

0032: Fathomless Chasm of Falling

Tippi: His hobbies include knitting and scrapbooking...

"I have been...vaulted..."

"You leap into Fathomless Chasm of Falling, and yet you are
unscathed! Go now! Leave me to ensnare less fleet-footed
interlopers..."

_________________

"Creeeeeeaaaaaaaaaak! Thirsting Bones guards this 33rd of gates...
My dry,dry bones grow parched and juiceless. They yearn for
dampness... I WILL MOISTEN THEM WITH YOUR TEARS!

_________________

0033: Thirsting Bones

Tippi: On weekends, he knocks balls out of the park for his
softball team...

"Creeeeaaaaak...CRACK...."

"Your drenched bones are an embarrassment of juicy riches! Why do
you not share your watery abundance? Thirsting Bones is so dry...
So dry...

_________________

"Rweeowr! You stop now, at the 34th gate. Half cat, Half geological
event, Molten Panther erupts into a flaming sludge of RAGE! Like
a searing, smoking river of magma running down a volcano, you
cannot flee me! PUURRRRRR!"

_________________

0034: Molten Panther

Tippi: His "Magma Wings" are a huge hit at the annual Sammer Guy
BBQ... (LOLWTFBBQ)

"Hisssss..."

"You did not combust in a firey display... and so I am defeated.
I will smolder, ready to burst again from the ground in a flaming
spurt..."

_________________

"A sniker in the darkness... A blurry glow... The prickle of a neck
hair... It is I, Peeking Boo, who watches from the shadows and
haunts the 35th gate... Whatever you do, interloper, DO NOT LOOK
AWAY!"
_________________

0035: Peeking Boo

Tippi: He reads the dictionary every day. His favorite word is
"Revenge"...

"Booooooooooo..."

"You have won this day, but you will never be rid of me. You will
never have a moment that escapes my peeking gaze..."

_________________

"You are late. You have much to learn about timing from Action
Commander! No audience can contain its applause when I excecute
moves of great style. Here at the 36th gate, you meet timing
perfection. NOW IS ACTION TIME!"

_________________

0036: Action Commander

Tippi: Action Commander likes to relax on the weekends and not
leave his couch...

"It is...not...my time..."

"My actions were commanded with perfection, yet you still shamed
me. I am humbled. Never again will I let cheers of "Stylish" cloud
my head..."

_________________

"Bleeechhh... I am Bullet Ill, guardian... ughh...of the 37th
gate... I will blast into you with the raw power of a violent
stomach cramp..."

_________________

0037: Bullet Ill

Tippi:Believe it or not, Bullet Ill loves to ride roller coasters..

"Hurrrrgggggghhh..."

"The bitter taste of defeat makes me queasy... I never should have
used my last sick days on that week at the beach... Go! Go quickly
before I fire another round of projectiles..."

_________________

"You arrive at the 38th gate, treacherous grounds of Sliding Shell.
Always do I glide upon the ground, undercutting the legs of my
opponents. No line of warriors is left standing after I ravage
the landscape. You stand upon dangerous ground. Now you must...
LEAP FOR YOUR LIFE!"

_________________

0038: Sliding Shell

Tippi:On weekends, he volunteers his time teaching children how to
slide safely...

"Clink... Clank..."

"This shame will bounce in my head for eternity like a shell
between two pipes... Glide on, challenger, and cut down all those
that stand before you!"

_________________

"YARRRRRRRRR! Me name be Software Pirate, barnacle-booty'd scourge
of the 39th gate! I be plunderin' yer bits an' yer bites and
downloadin' 'em into me britches! Me treasure disks'll be full of
cyber-riches after I swipe yer treasure bump mapping! DIGIBOOTY
AHOY!"

_________________

0039: Software Pirate

Tippi:Don't be alarmed if you don't understand him... Most people
can't...

"Arrrful..."

"Yarr, I be washed up... Sunk by me unquenchable lust for
digibooty..."

_________________

"BOOOOOOOM! Flailing Boom Boom is master of this place, the 40th
of gates!"
(I accidentally skipped the second part of this. =/)
_________________

0040: Flailing Boom Boom

Tippi:He's a master finger painter. His abstract, frenzied works
sell for thousands of coins...

"I fizzle..."

"But I flailed! Then I went BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! But I lose... Next
time, I go BOOOOOOM! Then I FLAAAAAAAAAAIL!...AND I WIN!"

_________________

"Beating relentlessly upon your sweaty brow. It is I, Sun of
Displeasure! My burning disapproval burns like a furnace in the
sky! No oil or lotion can spare you from my white-hot wrath!
SIZZZZZZZLE!

_________________

0041: Sun of Displeasure

Tippi:Making friends is difficult for him, due in part to the
burning..."

"I hang low... in the sky..."

"You fight with honor and skill, even in the angry face of a force
of nature! Sun of Displeasure looks upon you with disapproval!"

_________________

"In you sneak to gate 42, only to be confronted by The Furious Fang
of Goomb! My fangs are small and have never pierced the hides of
any creature... But today, you will carry the shame of being the
first to fall to them!"

_________________

0042: Furious Fang of Goomb

Tippi: He is a big believer in aromatherapy. His favorite scent
is lavender.

"I think I lost a fang..."

"My life is a lie! My fangs, they are not so furious... What is a
fang if it is only to be ridiculed?!"

_________________

"Challenger! You approach the 43rd gate, and yet you bring no
vittles? I am Zesty Recipe, and you dishonor yourself by not
bringing a savoury snack. No matter. I am cooking my own special
recipie for you... The soup of your DEATH!"

_________________

0043: Zesty Recipe

Tippi:He bakes warm, gooey brownies for the Sammer Guy break room
every day...

"Hoisted by my own...spatula..."

"You held the ingredients to my downfall... You may pass, but take
that secret recipe to your grave!"

_________________

"And so you appear, as if through some hidden byway. I am Warping
Pipe. I am the guard of the 44th gate, true, but that is not all...
I hold hidden knowledge... Yes! All worlds are linked, and I travel
among them! No, I will not show you how. Such power is not for you,
who would cheat though life. True warriors must see all the worlds
before skipping among them! NOW. TO BATTLE!"

_________________

0044: Warping Pipe

Tippi: He doesn't like it when people jump on him and try to warp
to other worlds...

"Reality has warped!"

"You command the power of time and space, I see... I underestimated
you... You fight in the fabled Warp Zone, where the mighty warriors
tread. I concede."

_________________

"Fruit in Belly welcomes you to the 45th gate! As you see, no plump
fruits hang from lush trees and bushes... I have picked them all
clean. The only colorful fruit left ungulped... IS YOU!"

_________________

0045: Fruit in Belly

Tippi:He was banned from several local supermarkets for gulping
produce...

"Gulp..."

"Fortune smiles on you. The seeds of ten thousand fruits weighed me
down... Hyaawnn... So sleepy... Now I will nap, dreaming fresh,
dewy melon dreams..."

_________________

"Reaching the 46th gate is not easy. I, the Last Sheep, applaud
you. Surely you are exhausted, challenger. You are in need of
blissful rest. I linger at the hind end of the herd, but it is I
who finally brings sleep. Snuggle close to a soft and wooly
blanket... Make your defeat a groggy one..."

_________________

0046: The Last Sheep

Tippi: His hobbies include air guitar and singing in front of the
mirror...

"Baaaaaahhhh!"

"Many have dozed off to the rhythmic sound of my prancing hoofs...
But how do you resist the bewitching charm of the pillow? You have
an iron will..."
_________________

"SHLURRRPUPRYLURPSHLURPPSHLOORPYROPSCHLUUUUURRPPP! INFINITY
SHLURP SHLURRP YOU NOW SHLOOOOOORP! NO SCHLORPING AT GATE 47 GURRP!
SHLURRRP!"
_________________

0047: Infinity Shlurp

Tippi:He really doesn't have the strongest vocabulary...

"No shlurpy shlurpy..."

Not even gonna type down the last one.
_________________

"Up I pop from the bowels of the city, my wrenches wheeling through
the sky! It is I, Spanner of Rock, who pelts you in defense of the
48th gate! I fling a whirling wrench into your plans!"

_________________

0048: Spanner of Rock

Tippi: He is unstoppable at the wrench-throwing game when the
carnival is in town...

"To the...manhole..."

"The bitter,rusty taste of defeat fills my mouth... I must return
under the manhole to train with Grand Master Rocky..."

_________________

"Twinkle and glitter I do, for I am Star of Seven Shards! You are
drawn to my shimmer at the 49th gate like a moth to a flame! I
catch your eye, like a fleck of gold in a pan! You will try to take
me... but it is you who will be shattered!"

_________________

0049: Star of Seven Shards

Tippi:He spends most of his day polishing his armor to a shiny
glitter...

"I am...Broken..."

"Your victory has shattered my delicate facets, but it is you who
loses most... For one day, you must travel every land in an epic
search for my many shards..."

_________________

"A frigid wind ripples up the small of your back... It is the
hoary breath of Ice World. Every traveler must come upon me
eventually... And you find me at the 50th gate. You try to tiptoe
past my stormy wrath, but you bring down... THE AVALANCHE!"
_________________

0050: Ice World

Tippi: He has a milkshake dispenser in his armor...

"And so I melt..."

"You have beated Ice World, which means you can fight Bonus World!
Just kidding."

_________________

"WAAAAAAAH! I, Weeping Pokey, guard this 51st gate! Soon you will
know the sadness of defeat! And I, Weeping Pokey, will know the
empty sadness of victory! I will cry vigorously! And you will see
me cry and laugh at me... And your laugh enrages me! Now we fight!"

_________________

0051: Weeping Pokey

Tippi: He enjoys power walking through the park early every
morning....

"EEEE...WAHWAHWAHWAHWAH!!!!"

"Wrathful tears blinded me... My weeping hands lost my sword...
Such is my defeat... The righteous tears of the victor fly from
your eyes, but I laugh at your sad joy! ...Sob..."

_________________

"Interloper, you have come to the 52nd gate! And I, Hammer Uncle,
guard it! When you are below, I lurk above! Leap above, and I
plunge below! Like hammers from the sky, my blows will rain upon
you! I am the hammer of justice! SMASH!"

_________________

0052: Hammer Uncle

Tippi: After work, he enjoys a long, relaxing soak in a hot bath...

"SMASH!"

"You have reminded me of myself in my younger days, when I traveled
with my brothers. Yes, we were brothers of the hammer, but long
years have intervened. Yes, many hammer nephews and hammer nieces
now... They are the hammer future. They must hammer on..."

_________________

"Look upon Squatting Toad! The 53rd gate is my ward! My strength
has no rival! I lift with my legs, and never lower my back! Never!
Prepare for squatting!"

_________________

0053: Squatting Toad

Tippi: He threw his back out several years ago and was out for the
season...

"HRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

"Your skills amaze me! Today, it is you who has squatted best! My
joints have grown stiff with idleness! I am shamed! Soon I must
limber up! Begone from me!"

_________________

"Welcome to you... You have come upon Ageless Goomba... Guardian
of the 54th gate. Time casts no shadow on me. Stomping boot and
flaming flower hold no fear, either! You will learn to fear my
relentless perambulation! GOOMBAAA!"

_________________

0054: Ageless Goomba

Tippi: Sometimes, he drifts off into deep contemplation
mid-conversation...

"GOOMBAAAAAARGH!"

"I have not been flattened. Always will I lurk, creeping slowly
forward like time itself. One day, when your will falters, I will
be upon you! But now, go from here!"

_________________

"It is about time you arrive! As usual, I am forced to wait! Such
is my life! I am The Negative One, guard of the 55th gate! And
warrior who fate laughs at! My life is misfortune! My wishes
always perish! And so someone must pay! IT IS YOU!

_________________

0055: The Negative One

Tippi:

"Defeat. Why does this not surprise me..."

"Being crushed at your hands is but one more affirmation that fate
loathes me. Why must I always suffer so? Do I not deserve better?
Will I never find solace?"

_________________

"I am Bob the Silent Blade, guardian of the 56th gate, gentle
assassin... Blades are usually loud, noisy instruments. But I wield
them quietly and discreetly. Now you go silently... I SAID
SILENCE!"

_________________

0056: Bob the Silent Blade

Tippi: As silent as he is on the job, he moonlights as an opera
tenor...

"My defeat...is so loud..."

"My defeat...was neither silent nor gentle... If you were truly
skilled, you would have dispatched me with but a whisper..."

_________________

"From below, from above, from the innocent pipe... I strike! I am
the guard of the 57th gate, Piranha Root! I grow in power beneath
your feet! My mighty foot chomping shall utterly unnerve you!
Victory will be mine! And now I bite!"

_________________

0057: Piranha Root

Tippi: He has an enormous garden at home, but it's completely
overrun with weeds...

"Slowly I wilt..."

"You fight as though your hands were made of flame! You plucked me
as a weed! My skills cannot flower in the shadow of one so great as
you! Please, pass!"

_________________

"Doodle-ee-doodle-ee do do! Doodle-ee-oo! Before the 58th gate lies
me! I am known far and wide as Over the Flagpole! Many have tried,
but none can claim to have leapt me! And so, another comes...
Now... LEAP TO BATTLE!"

_________________

0058: Over the Flagpole

Tippi: At the beginning of each day, all the Sammer Guys turn and
salute him...

"You...have cleared me!"

"Surely you are cheating! You are exploiting a glitch! You are a
sequence breaker!"

_________________

"Kee-yow! I am Cheep Chop! My horn gleams in defense of this, the
59th gate!...Say, look over there. I will not chop you in the back.
Really I won't. You... You are not looking. You think I will chop
you in the back. Or the neck. How dare you suggest a thing? You
dishonor me! I chop you now!"

_________________

0059: Cheep Chop

Tippi: He learned all his best moves from comic books...

"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OW!"

"Why did you not turn? My chopping is less effective when my prey
looks at me! How dare you... Next time, I will give your back a
chopping for the ages!"

_________________

"You arrive at the 60th gate... only to find it guarded by ME,
Raging Blargg! ...My name amuses you?! That enrages me! BLARGG!"

_________________

0060: Raging Blargg

Tippi: He loves souvenirs, and buys them every time he goes on a
trip...

"Blargg... I am sunk!"

"This defeat sends me into a powerful rage! But next time, you will
sink into the lava of my anger!"

_________________

"Hm. You disturb my rest. You have awakened the guard of the 61st
gate. I am known as Sleeping Turnip. Soon you will sleep. And in
that sleep, you will dream of defeat at my hands. And you will wake
from that dream to find it was real. SLEEEEEEEEEP!"

_________________

0061: Sleeping Turnip

Tippi: Sleeping Turnip needs to buy an alarm clock and not be late
to work...

"I...must be dreaming..."

"This dream world feels real, but I know it cannot be... For I have
tasted defeat... Soon I will wake, and be the victor once more...".

_________________

"Bloop... The guard of the 62nd gate will soon sink you! I am
Way of the Blooper! I lurch up! I swoop down! And then I lunge
forth! Your screams are but bubbles! You drown beneath my fists!
BLOOOOOOP!"

_________________

0062: Way of the Blooper

Type: Wave Sammer Guy. No specials. Attacks are Wave Slash. Between
18 and 36 hp.

Tippi:He was a stand up comedian, but his act was too surreal and
he scared audiences...

"Bloo...Blooooop..."

"You have brought an end to the warrior known as Way of the
Blooper... Now and forever, I will be known as Way of the Loser!"

_________________

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I am Phanto Grin! I guard the 63rd gate! My
face is stoic, but my weapons find you amusing! They laugh at your
insolence! But I do not! Awaken my wrath, impudent warrior, and I
will soon be upon you! My anger awakes... and it, too, is grinning!

_________________

0063: Phanto Grin

Tippi: He loves to play as himself in The Duel of 100: The Home
Edition...

"Ow... That is not amusing..."

"My face does not betray my emotion, but my body has lost its inner
grin. You have found the key to beating me, it would seem. Yes, you
have stolen it! Hear this! Someday you will turn and find that
Phanto Grin is upon you!"

_________________

"Oh! You have found me! I am known as Invisible Brock! The guard of
the 64th gate! You leap, but above you, where nothing appears,
something springs to life! So does the confounding style of
Invisible Brock cloud the senses! Now that you are aware of me,
however, we must fight... AND FIGHT WE WILL!"

_________________

0064: Invisible Brock

Tippi:He enjoys collecting rare shells and arranging them on his
bookshelf...

"No...Such a visible defeat!"

"If I could truly disappear... I would hide this shame... I would
hide far and wide! Invisible Brock would pass into legend! None
would find me...without a guide."

_________________

"Here, at the 65th gate, your path ends... for it is guarded by me,
Chomp of Eternity! I cast aside my iron chain! It restrains me no
longer! I will nibble on you forever! My head is hard as bedrock!
My teeth, sharp as winter's dying breath! Are you ready for me?
CHOMP!"
_________________

0065:Chomp of Eternity

Tippi: He insists on making loud chomping noises when he eats
around other people...

"Ch...Chomped..."

"This chomping is but a passing thing... In the eyes of eternity,
it is but a tender nibble on the drumstick on infinity!"

_________________

"I leap at you from nowhere! So my attacks shall come! You
heedlessly run ahead, unaware of the dangers that crouch beneath
your feet! But I, Monty who Waits, protector of the 66th gate,
shall slow you down!"

_________________

0066: Monty who Waits

Tippi:He's a real hypocrite. He gets furious when he has to wait
around for people...

"Wait!"

"I...I will wait for the next warrior. Perhaps I will not leap
upon him so quickly..."

_________________

"I am Mustard of Doom! Soon you will know I have the guarding of
the 67th gate! Your face is nonsense! It is like a sad doodle
drawn by a person who is ugly! And now it will have the
punishment doled upon it! MY SWORD HAS FURY!"
_________________

0067: Mustard of Doom

Tippi:He likes his food unbearably spicy...

"I...had fury..."

"Now I have failed to slather you in justice... but one day, the
slathering will be mine! Be off, awful person..."

_________________

"You arrive at the 68th gate, stuck in the web of Peanut-Butter
Pider... My hands are a creamy flurry. My kicks pack explosive
chunk. This stage is my cracker... NOW I SPREAD YOU THIN!"

_________________

0068: Peanut-Butter Pider

Tippi: He insists on using his sword to spread all his condiments..

"You have smeared my honor upon the ground..."

"You...You are the ants on the log of my existence!"

Get off his log.

_________________

"You would prey on the weak... You would whack innocents... You
would harvest their pain... You know of what I speak. WHACKAAAAAAA!
Oh, you claim no knowledge? WHACKAAAAAAAA! I am the Wrath of
Whacka, guard of the 69th gate! And I avenge WHACKAAAAA!"

_________________

0069: Wrath of Whacka

Tippi: He enters the Sammer Quiz every year, but always presses
the button early...

"Whack-OOOOOOOOOOOH!"

"You whacked me! The... great injustice! You will get no bump from
me, fiend!"

_________________

"I demand your pardon...now. I am the warrior known as Micro
Boomba, guard of the 70th gate. My speech is small, but my wrath
is monstrous. Do not snicker. My sword does not speak so softly.
No...It...SCREAMS!!!

_________________

0070: Micro Boomba

Tippi:He's a die-hard fan of "Flint Cragley, Cragtrotter"...

"Big pain!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! It is I who beg YOUR pardon!"

_________________

"Ugh! It is an interloper! First I will club you, then I will crush
you! No matter what weapon I wield. be it bludgeon or blade, I WILL
CLUB YOU! I am guard of the 71st gate! I am Steel Clubba! Now,
face me!"

_________________

0071: Steel Clubba

Tippi: He has a master's degree in philosiphy of blunt objects...

"Ugh... I am clubbed..."

"Hm... My clubbing is a shameful thing. My master weeps from his
high mountain seat... My training begins today! I must forget
the ways of the Clubba, and learn anew!"

_________________

"Who interrupts my peace? You have interfered with Staggering
Dizzy Fuzzy. Your goal is the 72nd gate. You will stumble, dazed,
and fall. Your stomach will lurch. Your eyes will lose focus.
And you will plunge to doom!"

_________________

0072: Staggering Dizzy Fuzzy

Tippi:He once walked onto a dance floow and accidentally started
a new dance craze...

"Wh-which way is up?"

"What is this wooziness? The world stretches and bends before my
eyes! Is this the ancient prophecy? Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy?
NOOOOOOOOOO! My training was supposed to make me immune! How has
it come to this?"

_________________

"You reach the 73rd gate! I am Upward Leaping Ninji! You have met
your match! My sword leaps to my hand! The blade craves
sustenance! Soon it shall be fed! And then after you have fallen,
I shall leap up and down... UPON YOUR SOUL!"

_________________

0073: Upward Leaping Ninji

Tippi: The neighbors below his apartment don't appreciate the
"Upward Leaping"...

"No...Down I fall..."

"When one leaps high, there is far to fall... So far..."
_________________

"The challenger approaches... I am the Bronze Shroom, unstompable
guardian of the 74th gate... Your skill is weak. I have trained
decades in Iron Goomba style. Let us fight!

_________________

0074: Bronze Shroom

Tippi: He heats his food just by breathing on it...

"I am...stomped. If only I had chosen Steel Shroom as my fighting
name..."

"My Whirling Fungus Thrust was no match for you..."

_________________

"The 75th gate is before you! And so, too, is its guard! I am
Lakitu Storm! You have come a long way and fought many battles...
For that I commend you! But now, the storm breaks above you, and
there is no cover to hide beneath! BOOOOOM!"

_________________

0075: Lakitu Storm

Tippi: He loves pineapple, but hates mangos...

"My rain...of terror..."

"You weathered my storm, and for that, I give respect. Proceed
under cloudless sky!"

_________________

"Slow are my feet, sharp are my spikes... I am the guardian of the
76th gate, the one known as... Wandering Spiny! Born from the
clouds, I wander the earth alone! And I punish all things!"

_________________

0076: Wandering Spiny

Tippi: He refuses to ask anyone for directions...

"I have wandered into defeat!"

"And now, after falling to you, where does my path lead? Back to
the clouds? Once fallen, can one truly... rise again?"

Plastic's sammer guy stuff - Revision history

Plastic at 22:04, 27 January 2008