Masochist me/Carriage

From Create Your Own Story

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Revision as of 04:25, 20 March 2017

Eye contact: Depends on client

Some prefer direct eye contact for a more intimate experience.

From: lifehacker.com/a-scientific-guide-to-the-perfect-first-date-1443210946

The study shows that when we lock eye contact for too long the other person might see that as forced dominance, which is (usually) not something you want to exude on a first date because it's confrontational. Likewise, it's not as persuasive as it once was and the study showed that too much eye contact was actually counterproductive.

In the context of a first date, balancing the right kind of eye contact is crucial. You don't really want to appear too dominant and controlling, but still need to maintain the confidence that comes from solid eye contact. So, what's the right amount of eye contact? The Wall Street Journal suggests that it's about 7-10 seconds of eye contact at a time. Hold your gaze, look away briefly at a window, waiter, or other table, then return the look. Eye contact is still important, but don't overdo it. The last thing you want to do is creep out your date with cult leader eyes.



If you've ever spent an extended amount of time with someone you know that you'll likely pick up a few of their mannerisms, expressions, and gestures. That mimicry is an accidental sign of affection in most cases and science suggests that we're also attracted to that copycat behavior.

In a study published in Social Influence, researchers found that men were more likely to enjoy a date when the woman mimicked him. Another study published in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society demonstrated that we're more likely to like people who mimic us, and yet another study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests that people mimic others they find attractive. The moral of the story here? Mimicry—whether it's verbal or bodily—is often a sign of attraction.

This means that mimicry is a good thing to look out for when you're on a date with someone. This might be them subtly crossing their legs after you do or if they put their hand to their chin after you. The New York Times breaks it down like so:

“When you’re being mimicked in a good way, it communicates a kind of pleasure, a social high you’re getting from the other person, and I suspect it activates the areas of the brain involved in sensing reward,” [neuroscientist Dr. Jean Decety] said.

Of course, it's a thin line between a charming mimic and purposeful persuasion. Don't go overboard trying to mimic the person you're on a date with or watching to see if they mimic you. Doing so will probably make you come across as a creepy mime.



Psychology Today breaks down the obvious signs you might accidentally give and offers this advice:

Don’t assume an unattractive pose. That means that men should not pretend to a macho style where they strut about and assume a truculence as a way of looking strong. Women should not seem aloof. It comes across as snobbery. Neither should either men or women pretend sophistication. I think even those who have been around the world a few times and know a great deal about a great number of things should not present themselves that way if possible. It is intimidating rather than appealing.

In the context of a first date, it's also important to keep your body language relaxed and comforting. In a report published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, it's suggested that you keep your movements subdued at first. Remember that the person across from you is essentially a stranger, so use small gestures, slower movements, and don't crowd them. Once you're comfortable together (and you're no longer seen as a threat) you can make faster, more animated gestures. Basically, show interest in what your date's saying and doing, but don't go all Kramer on them.

Others prefer the woman to be more passive, shy, flirtatious, or submissive

Physical contact: Similar to eye contact, but training mentions little methods, such as touching clients hand, or getting close while walking.

www.more.com/love-sex/dating/first-date-9-signs-hes-you

1. Prolonged Eye Contact: This may seem simple enough, but sometimes people tend to forget just how much a locked stare or held gaze can actually say. A Dartmouth University study found that male participants who were asked to rate models based on a series of photos preferred those who were staring directly at the camera; those who weren’t were seen as less agreeable. Think of it this way: if your date’s eyes wander during the conversation, he might be bored.

2 Dilated Pupils: Eye contact is one thing, but dilated pupils are hard to fake. Science has proven that a person’s eyes dilate when she sees something she finds attractive. This could be a great way to determine if your date is into you, but be careful, because it might also be that plate of food in front of her that she’s interested in, or perhaps the sign of a drug problem. Either way, the pupils provide important information.

3. The Eyebrow Lift: It sounds like a cliché out of an old classic film, but according to Yahoo Personals, when a man sees someone he’s into, he might quickly lift and lower his eyebrows, wrinkling his forehead in the process. He may not even be aware of his own actions, as anthropologists have labeled the move “the eyebrow flash,” so you have to be on your own toes to pick up on this one.

4. A Whispered Tone: If your date’s personal lowdown comes in the form of a softly-spoken tone, that’s a good sign. When a man talks in a low voice, he’s likely indicating that his words are for you only, said Greg Hartley, former Army Special Forces interrogator and author of I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language. Hartley spoke to msn.com regarding men’s sure-fire signals that prove they’re interested. “If he’s telling you something private or secret, it’s a good thing—guys don’t do that to women they’re not into,” he said. And women take note; this is the kind of move that works both ways.

5. Spread Legs: This implies an invitation of sorts, and it’s considered a primal move that men tend to do subconsciously. Datingtips.com says men do this to make themselves appear taller, hotter, and more attractive. It can be done sitting or standing, so if those legs are slightly ajar, it’s likely in your favor.

6. Relaxed Posture: Most of us, male or female, will keep close to our dates if we’re interested, avoiding a lot of space between us. But a relaxed posture can reflect a comfort level that provides a great sign. A man may pull the suave upright stance and swagger to lure a woman in, but when he’s at ease and having a good time, he’ll likely be all rounded shoulders and soft-head tilts.

7. Pointed Toes in Your Direction: It may seem like a minor gesture, but if a person (particularly a man) is pointing his toes and/or body in your direction on a date, things are going well. Males generally point their bodies in the direction of the women they like to let them know they’re attracted to them. This is a particularly helpful tip if you’re in a group setting and the man is generally always facing in your direction. It may imply he’s trying to single you out in a crowd with his attention.

8. Physical Contact: A hand on the knee, a peck on the cheek, a pat on the arm—it’s all about making contact to indicate the interest in more contact. People generally don’t touch other people they’re not interested in, so if your date has made any physical contact that doesn’t include wiping that drink off you she may have accidentally spilled, it’s a positive.

9. Highlighting the Best Attributes: If your date isn’t touching you, she may be touching, er, herself. Whether a woman is running her hands through her hair or a man is flexing his muscles, we all tend to inadvertently highlight our best attributes in front of someone we’re into. If she’s drawing attention to her lips, it’s a solid sign of attraction; if he’s got his thumbs tucked into his pants pockets … well, you get the drift.