Jim Bones

From Brass Goggles

The cook aboard the HMS Ziggurat, Jim Bones was a bartender from San Francisco until he was coaxed on board by Captain Iphigenia McCannon and Adelaide Braun.

[edit] Early History

James Kingsley Bones was born in San Francisco shortly after the gold rush. His father, a slick snake oil salesman with the same name, had an affair with his mother, Scarlet Lacey Laurey, a saloon girl, lasting about a month. Not allowed to hang around the saloon as a young boy, Jim Bones lived with his aunt, Lorraine, until he was 16. At that age, he took up permanent residence in the same bar/saloon that his mother worked in, a class establishment named the Whiskey Slide. There, he bussed tables and cleaned floors, slowly working his way up to be one of the most talented and efficient bartenders on the west coast.

[edit] Life Aboard the Ziggurat

In the early 1890s, the Whiskey Slide encountered a bar brawl like no other, in which the entire saloon was knocked unconscious and all the schnapps had been stolen. This brawl was a direct result of the Captain Iphigenia McCannon and her Navigator, Adelaide Braun, being very stupid indeed.

Bones complained to the sheriff, who examined his saloon, then slapped a charge on him for illegal sale of alcohol. Bones bribed the sheriff monthly for two long years, delaying the the inevitable court appearance, until, in 1892, McCannon showed up again.

He immediately confronted her for ruining his life, and demanded payback. Using a series of confusing and manipulative debating skills, McCannon somehow convinced him to take a job as cook aboard the HMS Ziggurat.