Captain Iphigenia Maximillienne Fenway McCannon
From Brass Goggles
Contents |
Early History
Iphigenia Maximillienne Fenway McCannon was born above Chicago at the English-States Coalition Airbase to Wright McCannon, English pioneer of the Auto-Magic Omelette Maker, and Delaney Cooper, an Irish bibliophile. Spending most of her early childhood in London (when not traveling with her parents), Iphigenia schooled herself. During frequent visits to World's Fairs, Iphigenia often returned to America. She met Jerry Yarder, an aspiring engineer, when she was sixteen. A short and casual romance sprung between the two, but Iphigenia was jilted one summer when she was 17, when Jerry discovered Laurel Patterson - a stunning, blonde beauty, and the niece of Wright McCannon's arch-nemesis, Thomas Patterson. Astonished and upset, Iphigenia made plans to be courted by Tom Patterson, Thomas' son, however, Iphigenia and Tom soon gave up after realizing that they felt thoroughly icky being lovers. After this disaster, Iphigenia has not had very much in the way of romantic relationships - nad by "not very much", I mean "not at all".
On her eighteenth birthday, she received news that her parents were killed in an explosion, accidentally caused by the Brigadier Spenser Hawkes-Leggett (though she doesn't know he's the culprit yet). She then enrolled in the American air force as Max McCannon, working her way up to the rank of Sergeant. This was when she realized she really, really enjoyed weaponry. When she was 25, she was conked on the head by a piece of flying debris, and was sent to the British army in order to recoup. The British set her up with the bullshit job of Captain of the Potential Space Exploration Unit. Her first assignment was to find an adept crew.
The HMS Ziggurat
The HMS Ziggurat was conceived by McCannon and is constantly under construction, in order to be fit for space. Armed with this ship, McCannon scoured the known earth for a crew. She first bumped into the Brigadier Spenser Hawkes-Leggett at a tea party and luncheon in Edinburgh. The two made quick friends and he was assigned the position of First Mate. He referred to her as Iffy, eventually making McCannon known more by her first name rather than her middle.
Iffy McCannon then met Adelaide Braun at a bar brawl in San Francisco. Learning that Braun was an adept botanist and a fair map-reader, McCannon offered her the position of ship's Navigator.
Relatives
Delaney Cooper's mother, Molly Cooper, was a part-time washerwoman, and her father, Harold Cooper, owned a pub. Delaney had two siblings, sisters named Trista and Annabel. The McCannons have very little to do with the Coopers, and Iphigenia has only met Molly.
Wright McCannon's father was illustrious British war hero Aloysius McCannon. Illustrious, that is, until the Johannesburg Incident - they don't like to talk about it, but it involves a herd of angry elephants, a crate of cigars, and several thoroughly unhappy infantrymen. Aloysius moved to Connecticut with his wife, Mabel, after the incident. Mabel died of the consumption several years ago, leaving Aloysius slightly mad, but in the most pleasant of ways. When Iphigenia served in the American air force, she often returned to Aloysius' Connecticut estate for rest.
Currently
Iffy and her crew are crashed on an island in the British Isles, inhabited by Incas and a mad anthropologist, in The Daring Adventures of the HMS Ziggurat: Volume 1.
Notable Quotations
Of course I'm the worst captain ever, why do you think I'm in command of the S.S. Failboat here?
I'M SURROUNDED BY AMERICANS!
