Superdickery - User contributions [en]

Casstoons

2007-07-04T23:35:07Z

ChthonicSpirit: /* Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons */

'''Casstoons''' is the name of a stripcomic, drawn by [[EspanolBot]], and written by [[Drink]], although other writers (such as [[Ing]] or [[Justin Carr]]) have contributed to it. It describes the diverse misadventures of Cassandra Cain, the third [[Batgirl]], and Tim Drake, the third [[Robin]], the vast majority of those dealing with the recent editorial decision of DC to make Cass evil.

In a moment of rage following the release of Robin #150, where that storyline began, Drink and Espanolbot, notorious members of the [[Cass Cult]], made a small strip where Cass rips Didio's face off. If you ask almost anyone, he deserved it.

After this first try, the two members continued to make strips about that editorial decision, always giving Cassandra Cain the major role. Soon, the strips diverged to include other DC characters (and more recently Marvel and Vertigo ones) and to concentrate on other storylines, not necessarily linked to Cass and Tim. The two characters, however, always appear in the strips.

Most characters in the Casstoons are either parodies or caricatures of their comic versions. For example, [[Hal Jordan]] is extremely offensive towards women and minorities, and Iron Man is portrayed with a Martini in hand, a jab at his past as an alchoholic. Cass herself has committed ann increasingly horrific series of murders in her desperation to become 'good' again.

The Casstoons have also produced a daughter comic of sorts featuring Booster Gold in addition to Cass, produced entirely by [[HotAndCold]], who usually uses the comic to express her rage at the handling of Booster in 52.

Casstoons became the most important attraction of the Cass Cain appreciation thread in a matter of weeks. It has also been successfully presented to the official DC message boards and other noteable forums.

==Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons==

Alfred Pennyworth- Batman's Butler. So incredibly English. Only member of the Batfamily with a known age.

[[Batman]]- Ultimate Superhero. Has Bat-Female-Sidekick-Forgetting and Baby-Kidnapping powers.

Batwoman- She's a lesbian, in case you didn't hear. In fact, it's almost all she ever says. Kinda like a Pokemon.

Beast Boy- Former Teen Titans who hangs out with the main characters. Cass often injures him in one way or another.

Adam Beechen- The writer who did the story in which Cass went evil. For his own safety, he is rarely shown in the same panel as Cass. He's a rabid Tim Drake fanboy and in all his stories Tim wins by miraculous duex ex machina--even if Tim was not a main character.

Stephanie Brown- Cass's best friend and former costumed hero the Spoiler. Was killed senselessly in the War Games crossover, but Cass made a pseudo-alive scarecrow replica of Stephanie, inspired by 52. She was revived briefly when Tim dabbled in dark magic, then permanently by Death itself. She now lives with Cass and Tim and shares their adventures. She's dating the revived Superboy and works as a secret agent.

Cable- Liefeldian character and Deadpool's buddy. Is pissed off that Wade left their book and started living next to Cass.

Cassandra Cain- Most current Batgirl who was turned evil recently. In a desperate attempt to become good again, Cass has gone a series of crazy adventures, as portrayed in the Casstoons. She tends to point out the holes in the logic of comics, and often seems to be the only rational person around her. Currently the Pope of the Catholic Church and the Boxing Champion of the world.

John Constantine - Chainsmoking english magician. appears occasionally in casstoons that involve the occult in some fashion. Currently shagging Zatanna.

Deathstroke- Pedophile and leader of the Titans East. He is older than dust.

Dan DiDio- Whose face was bandaged after an angry Cass assaulted him, tearing off the skin from his skull. After some post-reconstructive surgery, he has been reborn as Dankor, based on the villian from Prince of Space. He loves Lesbians and hates the nineties and fun.

[[Deadpool]]- Merc with the Mouth and Cass's neighbour at her apartment complex. The two have become friends and often go on adventures together, whether to another dimension or just down to the Pizza Joint on the corner. Often has madcap and nonsensical adventures with the new Blue Beetle, Jaime Reyes.

[[Tim Drake]]- The current Robin. Often he is an asshole towards Cass, but despite that, she still hangs out with him and has even let him live with her when Damian burned all of Tim's things at Wayne Manor. He is currently involved with Rose Wilson, Cassie Sandsmark, and Mia Dearden (Despite her HIV infection) Sometimes all at once. He hates country music.

[[Nightwing]]- Former Robin, Dick Grayson. He is either a manic depressant or hopelessly emo. No one really bothered to do a proper diagnosis. No matter how bad you got things, Chances are you're still better off than Nightwing.

Green Arrow- Man-Whore and Commie Pinko extrordinaire. Waits till they're 18-unless they're an alien.

Hal Jordan- The foremost Green Lantern, the Halmeister gets by on his rugged good looks and his 50's style charm. In reality, he's a racist Man-Whore who hasn't got with the times.

Hellboy – Sounds like Slade

Henchie- Cass's Henchman. Mainly used in menial chores. Despite Ninja outfit, he's British. He accidentally went to Oz in a hot air balloon trip gone wrong, and now works as a talent agent for comic characters.

Jonah Hex- Western Bounty Hunter displaced from time by Cass.

Huntress- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. They often drink Tea together and discuss current events.

Jaime Reyes, the third Blue Beetle—can usually be found having madcap and nonsensical adventures with Deadpool. Dreams of being a dentist.

The ressurected corpse of Blue Beetle, Ted Kord- With Band-Aid on head. Currently dating Barbara Gordon.

Inertia- Bart Allen's nemesis and clone, and a member of Titans East. Has a slight crush on Cass but now dates Sungirl.

Iron Man- Drunken Womanizer and advocate for Superhero registration. Put Cass in charage of the Kansas initiave.

Ravager/Rose Wilson- Cass's one-time rival and current Teen Titan. One of Tim's girls. Might just possibly take it in the eye socket. You know what “it” is…

Road Hogg- A pig/human type thing, this past character from Cass's series crashed at her place, only to start living with Supergirl after a backfired rape attempt.

Titans East- Cass's former super team that consists mostly of the boneheads. Members include Slade Wilson (Deathstroke), Batgirl (Cass), Duela Dent, Enigma, Kid Crusader, Match, Inertia, Risk, and Sungirl.

Kid Crusader- Formerly Choirboy, member of Titans East. Fanatic religious nut. Has helped Cass on several ocassions but mostly enjoys smiting Kid Devil

Match- Bizarro clone of Superboy, member of Titans East. Has dated Duela Dent and Enigma.

Risk- Had his arm torn off by Superboy Prime. The brunt of many one-armed jokes. Member of Titans East

Duela Dent- Lunatic that's possibly the daughter of a supervillain, and member of Titans East. Was killed off after Titans East but somehow survived and attended her own funeral. Likes to pull practical jokes with Jason Todd.

and, Enigma- The Riddlers Daughter. Nobody knows anything about her. Or cares really. Member of Titans East

Renee Montoya- Lesbian cop and the new Question. Yes, you heard me right...

Lil' Cassie Wilson- The hypothetical daughter of Cass and Deadpool. Leads the League of Cass Daughters.

The rest of Team Arrow (Arsenal (now Red Arrow), Speedy and Connor Hawke): Wards and/or bastard children of Green Arrow. Speedy has HIV but it doesn't seem to affect her, or anybody she sleeps with, at all.

Damian/Ibn Al Xu'ffacsh- The bastard son of Batman. Possibly the Anti-Christ.

Barbara Gordon- Formerly Batgirl, currently Oracle. Although surly at times (particularly when dressed as a Dalek), she's Cass's surrogate sister. Believed to secretly worship the Old Ones. Currently dating Ted Kord, the dead Blue Beetle.

Bette Kane- Technically a former Batgirl (Although most won't admit it), Cass repeatedly exacts revenge on this poor doofus to make herself feel better. Apparantly immortal.

Miho- Cass's Ninja contemporary from Sin City and current champion of intercompany tournament (Only because Cass didn't compete though).

The [[Goddamn Batman]]- A harder, meaner, drinkinger and Goddamner version of Batman from the 80's. A new issue of his book is put out once a year. He has stubble and likes to eat rats.

Jesse Custer- Texan Preacher with the voice of God.

Kyle Rayner- Green Lantern who keeps getting women stuck in his fridge. Currently evil. Tried to extract revenge upon Geoff Johns Cass-style but it was overkill.

The Flash- Was Bart Allen, formerly Impulse, who was ludicrously emo. He died, and was replaced by the guy he replaced, Wally West. yeah, it makes no sense to me either.

Midnighter and Apollo- Comics leading gay couple.

Black Canary- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. Bastardized by Winick back into a damsel in distress.

Vic Sage- News anchor and Objectivist hero, the Question. Knows the truth about Aglets. Faked his own death and is alive and well hiding in Cass's apartment. Knows that A is always A.

The Secret Six- Consisting of Catman, Scandal, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Knockout, and Mad Hatter, who loved hats. Sexually. Harley Quinn has since replaced Mad Hatter. Cass desperately wants to be a part of this team, but will never be allowed to be.

Sin, AKA Cass Jr.- Adopted daughter of Black Canary, Cass gave Sin a minature Batgirl cowl of her very own. Will most very likely be killed for dramatic shock effect.

The Shade- Cool anti-hero and anti-rape advocate. Once tried to have Dankor burned as a witch.

Lady Shiva- Cass's mum. Will beat up anybody who besmirches her daughter’s honor. And occasionally she’ll beat up her daughter too.

Skeletor and Evil Warriors- Tri-Klops, Mer-Man, et. Al. Cass once was sold to their world. They’re all incompetent.

Spider Jerusalem- Futuristic journalist also displaced from time by Cass.

Spider-Man- possibly brainwashed by Tony. Likes Jell-O. Married to a supermodel yet hates his life.

Starfire- Photosynthetic nymphomaniac samurai xenomorph. Has adventures in space with Animal man and Adam Strange. Sex with her is the only thing in the world that can even temporarily cure Nightwing's depression.

Sungirl- Likes to burn stuff

Superboy- Was kept alive as a preserved head by Tim, until revived by dark magic. He's now a head on a giant robotic body-which is fine by him because he can wear jeans again. Currently dating Stephanie Brown.

Superboy Prime- punch-happy lunatic from another universe. Often called upon in moments of dire need by Cass. Had a one night stand with the Scarlet Witch.

[[Supergirl]]- A Horrid bitch, Supergirl has become a serial rapist, and often comes to blows with Cass over different subjects. Namely, how calling Supergirl a one-dimensional character is a compliment. She is trying to become a better person, but it usually depends on the writer and/or what drugs she's on.

Superman- A dick. During a psychotic rampage, Cass smacked him with a kryptonite hammer. Has no idea who Superboy is anymore.

David Cain- Cass's dad. Obsessed with breeding his daughter with eligible bachelors.

Jason Todd- Former Robin/corpse. Cass has twice one-punched him for trying to usurp the Batgirl role. Likes to dress up as random superheroes and play practical jokes on people with Duela Dent. Has a starring role in the current Countdown.

Ralph Dibny & Dr. Fate helmet- Stretchy hero who's out of his goddamn mind and helmet of a dead hero who he talks to. Turns out he was never insane and now he’s dead and we all feel bad.

Rorschach- Hrrrm.

Miss Martian- Cute new hero who was the object of lust for the womanizers. Cass protected her with violence and smarts. Will likely turn evil within the next decade.

Dr. Light- Rapist who was banished to the Shadow realm by the Shade, then raped by Supergirl. He then turned himself in after the ironic rape.

V- A man of wealth and taste.

Robotman- Member of the Doom Patrol and John Byrne hater.

The Chief- Leader of the Doom Patrol and all-around asshole.

Gail Simone- Is never seen, just her doorstep. One of the few non-villainified DC writers. In real life she’s a Casstoon fan.

The Punisher – Thinks he’s Captain America.

*The Goon*

Black Cat – see “Catwoman”

Elektra – Is a ninja.

J. Jonah Jameson- Hot headed editor. Hated by Spider Jerusalem.

X-23- Definite Wolverine clone and possible Cass clone from Marvel. The two girls were amalgamated by Access.

Wolverine- Semi-omnipotent superhero with claws. Horribly, horribly, horribly short.

Access- The guardian over the doorway to DC and Marvel. Access had a vendetta against Cass due to her liberal passage through the universes. Once successfully masqueraded as Evil Cass, which only worked due to Tim’s stupidity.

The League of Cass Villians- A group of mediocre villians that Cass faced: Rigor Mortis- A stiffened corpse, Miss Fire- A near sighted pyrokinetic, and Gelatin Man- The name pretty much describes him, but he's Scottish.

The TG-Verse- Many Transgendered version of aformentioned characters, such as Tina for Tim, Cassian for Cass, and Rafael for Raven. Their Green Arrow and Green Lantern are a monogamous lesbian couple.

Love Cass- A robotic nympho version of Cass in a bikini and an increased bustline. A world famous porn star and able to outsex every last Doombot.

Evil Cass- The version of Cass that appeared in Robin. Is either wearing a "Lil' Shiva" outfit or a Batgirl cowl with a monocle and glowing red eyes. While evil, she isn't particularly bright, despite her percipacity. Quite possibly a schizophrenic fractured personality of Cass.

Henchman X- The evil version of Henchie

Nina the Kryptonian Ninja- the hypothetical daughter of Cass and Superboy. For some reason, she speaks Japanese as a primary language. Founding member of the Legion of Cass-Daughters.

Goldie- The hyothetical daughter of Cass and Booster Gold. Will do anything for a promotion deal. Founding member of the Legion of Cass Daughters.

Skeets- Robotic sidekick and Pimp. Was briefly possessed by a giant killer butterfly.

Skats- Supposedly Skeets's daughter and Goldie's sidekick. Can also be used as a phone.

Brain and Monsiour Mallah- A living brain in a jar and a talking, superintelligent French gorilla. OTP.

The Devil - AKA [[Jimmy Olsen]]- Hates Cass and all her daughters.

Darkseid- New God. Got his hand broke during Handshake with Cass (Much to her own disbelief).

Thanos- Marvel's version of Darkseid (Or vice-versa, whichever came first). He also got his hand broken by Cass.

Arrowette- Sole Young Justice surviving member and possible bastard child of Green Arrow. She’s probably better off that way.

Guy Gardner- The best Green Lantern ever, behind G’nort.

Donna Troy- Has no idea who she is or what the hell she's doing. Often holds a machine gun.

Maxwell Lord- randomly evil then got killed. Still better off than Nightwing.

Leslie Thompkins- bitchy and insame murderer-by-proxy. Willing to perform Lobotomies.

Sinestro- Cass's teacher in EVIL! Currently trying to destroy the multiverse.

Zatanna- Mindraping cow. Slept with Hal Jordan as part of a deal involving a mindwipe, after Hal saw Miss Martian turn into a naked Green Arrow.

[[Wondergirl]]- Cassandra Sandsmark. Teen Titan and one of Tim's girls. Hopelessly emo, she's usually crying over her dead boyfriend Superboy--which is ironic seeing as he has since been revived.

Wonder Woman- Gets her lasso stolen regularly. Assulted Frank Miller once. Was NOT the subject of a 48-page rape comic.

Various versions of Cass (Such as a Liefeldian Cass)

Captain America- Supports Anti-drug groups, despite getting his very powers from drugs. He’s dead now, did’ja hear?

Alan Scott- Old Green Lantern. Cass once smacked him with a tree branch.

Raven- Has the misfortune of having Damien Scott as artist. Also has a hypnoass.

Death- Goth and guide to recently deceased souls. Has given Hal and Ollie a free ticket to come back to life after they groped her. Also revived Steph.

Dream (Daniel)- Death's brother and Cass's English tutor.

Misty- Goth and Zatanna's apprentice. She sent Tim to the TG universe after he hit on the Goths.

The Scooby Doo Gang—Cass spent the missing year with them.

Captain Nazi—Hates freedom.

Joker- Psychotic clown. Killed the Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker from 'The Batman'. Tries to shoot Cass every day, like clockwork.

Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker- Killed by the real Joker

*Surge*

*Dust*

Maggie Sawyer- Another Lesbian cop.

Holly Robinson- Lesbian and one of the current Catwomans

Obsidian- Alan Scott's son. He's one of a few gay male DC characters. Slightly insane.

Pied Piper- Former Flash rogue and another of the few gay males in the DCU. Likes to play the flute *snicker*

Grace Choi- Outsider and bi!slut. Likes to drink and curse. Not surprisingly, created by Judd Winick.

Thunder- Outsider and Grace Choi's girlfriend. Has no personality other than being gay and having daddy issues, which is to say, she has more personality than Batwoman.

Lobo- Fraggin' Bastitch who was Cass's rival for the Pope-hood. After a vicious Holy War they came to a truce.

Aquaman- Both the regular lame version and the "cool" current version

Bat-Mite- Batman's #1 fan from the 5th dimesion. Is smitten by Cass.

Stan Lee- Oddly enough, was bald in his first appearance, than had hair in subsequent appearances

Heroes for Hire- Mistaken by Cass for an S&M club.

Boba Fett- Bounty Hunter and acquaintance of Cass.

Cthulhu- Think of a tentacle-rape monster with the Power Cosmic. Cthulhu is a Great Old One who has risen unopposed and eaten some ate some Miskatonic University students.

Rose- As in Dr. Who's sidekick

Al from Quantum Leap

'Mystery Guy'- Recurring evil force focussed on destroying Cass. Turned out to be Access

Query- Hypothetical daughter of Cass and The Question. Likes to look at people’s underwar.

There is also a standard character model that Espanolbot uses frequently when a minor character (Such as a doctor or a shopkeep, for instance) is needed, rather than drawing a new one each time.

[[Category:Superdickery Related]]
[[Category:Comics Related]]

Casstoons

2007-07-04T12:15:57Z

ChthonicSpirit: /* Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons */

'''Casstoons''' is the name of a stripcomic, drawn by [[EspanolBot]], and written by [[Drink]], although other writers (such as [[Ing]] or [[Justin Carr]]) have contributed to it. It describes the diverse misadventures of Cassandra Cain, the third [[Batgirl]], and Tim Drake, the third [[Robin]], the vast majority of those dealing with the recent editorial decision of DC to make Cass evil.

In a moment of rage following the release of Robin #150, where that storyline began, Drink and Espanolbot, notorious members of the [[Cass Cult]], made a small strip where Cass rips Didio's face off. If you ask almost anyone, he deserved it.

After this first try, the two members continued to make strips about that editorial decision, always giving Cassandra Cain the major role. Soon, the strips diverged to include other DC characters (and more recently Marvel and Vertigo ones) and to concentrate on other storylines, not necessarily linked to Cass and Tim. The two characters, however, always appear in the strips.

Most characters in the Casstoons are either parodies or caricatures of their comic versions. For example, [[Hal Jordan]] is extremely offensive towards women and minorities, and Iron Man is portrayed with a Martini in hand, a jab at his past as an alchoholic. Cass herself has committed ann increasingly horrific series of murders in her desperation to become 'good' again.

The Casstoons have also produced a daughter comic of sorts featuring Booster Gold in addition to Cass, produced entirely by [[HotAndCold]], who usually uses the comic to express her rage at the handling of Booster in 52.

Casstoons became the most important attraction of the Cass Cain appreciation thread in a matter of weeks. It has also been successfully presented to the official DC message boards and other noteable forums.

==Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons==

Beast Boy- Former Teen Titans who hangs out with the main characters. Cass often injures him in one way or another.

Adam Beechen- The writer who did the story in which Cass went evil. For his own safety, he is rarely shown in the same panel as Cass. He's a rabid Tim Drake fanboy and in all his stories Tim wins by miraculous duex ex machina--even if Tim was not a main character.

Stephanie Brown- Cass's best friend and former costumed hero the Spoiler. Was killed senselessly in the War Games crossover, but Cass made a pseudo-alive scarecrow replica of Stephanie, inspired by 52. She was revived briefly when Tim dabbled in dark magic, then permanently by Death itself. She now lives with Cass and Tim and shares their adventures. She's dating the revived Superboy and works as a secret agent.

Cassandra Cain- Most current Batgirl who was turned evil recently. In a desperate attempt to become good again, Cass has gone a series of crazy adventures, as portrayed in the Casstoons. She tends to point out the holes in the logic of comics, and often seems to be the only rational person around her. Currently the Pope of the Catholic Church and the Boxing Champion of the world.

John Constantine - Chainsmoking english magician. appears occasionally in casstoons that involve the occult in some fashion. Currently shagging Zatanna.

Deathstroke- Pedophile and leader of the Titans East. He is older than dust.

Dan DiDio- Whose face was bandaged after an angry Cass assaulted him, tearing off the skin from his skull. After some post-reconstructive surgery, he has been reborn as Dankor, based on the villian from Prince of Space. He loves Lesbians and hates the ninties and fun.

[[Tim Drake]]- The current Robin. Often he is an asshole towards Cass, but despite that, she still hangs out with him and has even let him live with her when Damian burned all of Tim's things at Wayne Manor. He is currently involved with Rose Wilson, Cassie Sandsmark, and Mia Dearden (Despite her HIV infection) Sometimes all at once. He hates country music.

Henchie- Cass's Henchman. Mainly used in menial chores. Despite Ninja outfit, he's British. He accidentally went to Oz in a hot air balloon trip gone wrong, and now works as a talent agent for comic characters.

[[Deadpool]]- Merc with the Mouth and Cass's neighbour at her apartment complex. The two have become friends and often go on adventures together, whether to another dimension or just down to the Pizza Joint on the corner. Often has madcap and nonsensical adventures with the new Blue Beetle, Jaime Reyes.

Jaime Reyes, the third Blue Beetle—can usually be found having madcap and nonsensical adventures with Deadpool. Dreams of being a dentist.

The ressurected corpse of Blue Beetle, Ted Kord- With Band-Aid on head. Currently dating Barbara Gordon.

[[Nightwing]]- Former Robin. He is either a manic depressant or hopelessly emo. No one really bothered to do a proper diagnosis. No matter how bad you got things, Chances are you're still better off than Nightwing.

[[Batman]]- Ultimate Superhero. Has Bat-Female-Sidekick-Forgetting and Baby-Kidnapping powers.

Inertia- Bart Allen's nemesis and clone. Has a slight crush on Cass but now dates Sungirl.

Iron Man- Drunken Womanizer and advocate for Superhero registration. Put Cass in charage of the Kansas initiave.

Hal Jordan- The foremost Green Lantern, the Halmeister gets by on his rugged good looks and his 50's style charm. In reality, he's a racist Man-Whore who hasn't got with the times.

Ravager- Cass's one-time rival and current Teen Titan. One of Tim's girls. Might just possibly take it in the eye socket. You know what “it” is…

Titans East- Cass's former super team that consists mostly of the boneheads. They are:

Kid Crusader- Formerly Choirboy. Fanatic religious nut. Has helped Cass on several ocassions but mostly enjoys smiting Kid Devil

Match- Bizarro clone of Superboy. Has dated Duela Dent and Enigma.

Risk- Had his arm torn off by Superboy Prime. The brunt of many one-armed jokes.

Duela Dent- Lunatic that's possibly the daughter of a supervillain. Was killed off after Titans East but somehow survived and attended her own funeral. Likes to pull practical jokes with Jason Todd.

and, Enigma- The Riddlers Daughter. Nobody knows anything about her. Or cares really.

Batwoman- She's a lesbian, in case you didn't hear. In fact, it's almost all she ever says. Kinda like a Pokemon.

Renee Montoya- Lesbian cop and the new Question. Yes, you heard me right...

Lil' Cassie Wilson- The hypothetical daughter of Cass and Deadpool. Leads the League of Cass Daughters.

Green Arrow- Man-Whore and Commie Pinko extrordinaire. Waits till they're 18-unless they're an alien.

The rest of Team Arrow (Arsenal (now Red Arrow), Speedy and Connor Hawke): Wards and/or bastard children of Green Arrow. Speedy has HIV but it doesn't seem to affect her, or anybody she sleeps with, at all.

Damian/Ibn Al Xu'ffacsh- The bastard son of Batman. Possibly the Anti-Christ.

Alfred Pennyworth- Batman's Butler. So incredibly English. Only member of the Batfamily with a known age.

Jonah Hex- Western Bounty Hunter displaced from time by Cass.

Barbara Gordon- Formerly Batgirl, currently Oracle. Although surly at times (particularly when dressed as a Dalek), she's Cass's surrogate sister. Believed to secretly worship the Old Ones. Currently dating Ted Kord, the dead Blue Beetle.

Bette Kane- Technically a former Batgirl (Although most won't admit it), Cass repeatedly exacts revenge on this poor doofus to make herself feel better. Apparantly immortal.

Huntress- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. They often drink Tea together and discuss current events.

Miho- Cass's Ninja contemporary from Sin City and current champion of intercompany tournament (Only because Cass didn't compete though).

The [[Goddamn Batman]]- A harder, meaner, drinkinger and Goddamner version of Batman from the 80's. A new issue of his book is put out once a year. He has stubble and likes to eat rats.

Jesse Custer- Texan Preacher with the voice of God.

Kyle Rayner- Green Lantern who keeps getting women stuck in his fridge. Currently evil. Tried to extract revenge upon Geoff Johns Cass-style but it was overkill.

The Flash- Was Bart Allen, formerly Impulse, who was ludicrously emo. He died, and was replaced by the guy he replaced, Wally West. yeah, it makes no sense to me either.

Midnighter and Apollo- Comics leading gay couple.

Black Canary- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. Bastardized by Winick back into a damsel in distress.

Vic Sage- News anchor and Objectivist hero, the Question. Knows the truth about Aglets. Faked his own death and is alive and well hiding in Cass's apartment. Knows that A is always A.

The Secret Six- Consisting of Catman, Scandal, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Knockout, and Mad Hatter, who loved hats. Sexually. Harley Quinn has since replaced Mad Hatter. Cass desperately wants to be a part of this team, but will never be allowed to be.

Sin, AKA Cass Jr.- Adopted daughter of Black Canary, Cass gave Sin a minature Batgirl cowl of her very own. Will most very likely be killed for dramatic shock effect.

The Shade- Cool anti-hero and anti-rape advocate. Once tried to have Dankor burned as a witch.

Lady Shiva- Cass's mum. Will beat up anybody who besmirches her daughter’s honor. And occasionally she’ll beat up her daughter too.

Skeletor and Evil Warriors- Tri-Klops, Mer-Man, et. Al. Cass once was sold to their world. They’re all incompetent.

Spider Jerusalem- Futuristic journalist also displaced from time by Cass.

Starfire- Photosynthetic nymphomaniac samurai xenomorph. Has adventures in space with Animal man and Adam Strange. Sex with her is the only thing in the world that can even temporarily cure Nightwing's depression.

Sungirl- Likes to burn stuff

Superboy- Was kept alive as a preserved head by Tim, until revived by dark magic. He's now a head on a giant robotic body-which is fine by him because he can wear jeans again. Currently dating Stephanie Brown.

Superboy Prime- punch-happy lunatic from another universe. Often called upon in moments of dire need by Cass. Had a one night stand with the Scarlet Witch.

[[Supergirl]]- A Horrid bitch, Supergirl has become a serial rapist, and often comes to blows with Cass over different subjects. Namely, how calling Supergirl a one-dimensional character is a compliment. She is trying to become a better person, but it usually depends on the writer and/or what drugs she's on.

Superman- A dick. During a psychotic rampage, Cass smacked him with a kryptonite hammer. Has no idea who Superboy is anymore.

David Cain- Cass's dad. Obsessed with breeding his daughter with eligible bachelors.

Jason Todd- Former Robin/corpse. Cass has twice one-punched him for trying to usurp the Batgirl role. Likes to dress up as random superheroes and play practical jokes on people with Duela Dent. Has a starring role in the current Countdown.

Ralph Dibny & Dr. Fate helmet- Stretchy hero who's out of his goddamn mind and helmet of a dead hero who he talks to. Turns out he was never insane and now he’s dead and we all feel bad.

Rorschach- Hrrrm.

Miss Martian- Cute new hero who was the object of lust for the womanizers. Cass protected her with violence and smarts. Will likely turn evil within the next decade.

Dr. Light- Rapist who was banished to the Shadow realm by the Shade, then raped by Supergirl. He then turned himself in after the ironic rape.

V- A man of wealth and taste.

Robotman- Member of the Doom Patrol and John Byrne hater.

The Chief- Leader of the Doom Patrol and all-around asshole.

Gail Simone- Is never seen, just her doorstep. One of the few non-villainfied DC writers. In real life she’s a Casstoon fan.

The Punisher – Thinks he’s Captain America.

Hellboy – Sounds like Slade

*The Goon*

Black Cat – see “Catwoman”

Elektra – Is a ninja.

J. Jonah Jameson- Hot headed editor. Hated by Spider Jerusalem.

X-23- Definite Wolverine clone and possible Cass clone from Marvel. The two girls were amalgamated by Access.

Wolverine- Semi-omnipotent superhero with claws. Horribly, horribly, horribly short.

Access- The guardian over the doorway to DC and Marvel. Access had a vendetta against Cass due to her liberal passage through the universes. Once successfully masqueraded as Evil Cass, which only worked due to Tim’s stupidity.

The League of Cass Villians- A group of mediocre villians that Cass faced: Rigor Mortis- A stiffened corpse, Miss Fire- A near sighted pyrokinetic, and Gelatin Man- The name pretty much describes him, but he's Scottish.

The TG-Verse- Many Transgendered version of aformentioned characters, such as Tina for Tim, Cassian for Cass, and Rafael for Raven. Their Green Arrow and Green Lantern are a monogamous lesbian couple.

Love Cass- A robotic nympho version of Cass in a bikini and an increased bustline. A world famous porn star and able to outsex every last Doombot.

Evil Cass- The version of Cass that appeared in Robin. Is either wearing a "Lil' Shiva" outfit or a Batgirl cowl with a monocle and glowing red eyes. While evil, she isn't particularly bright, despite her percipacity. Quite possibly a schizophrenic fractured personality of Cass.

Henchman X- The evil version of Henchie

Nina the Kryptonian Ninja- the hypothetical daughter of Cass and Superboy. For some reason, she speaks Japanese as a primary language. Founding member of the Legion of Cass-Daughters.

Goldie- The hyothetical daughter of Cass and Booster Gold. Will do anything for a promotion deal. Founding member of the Legion of Cass Daughters.

Skeets- Robotic sidekick and Pimp. Was briefly possessed by a giant killer butterfly.

Skats- Supposedly Skeets's daughter and Goldie's sidekick. Can also be used as a phone.

Road Hogg- A pig/human type thing, this past character from Cass's series crashed at her place, only to start living with Supergirl after a backfired rape attempt.

Brain and Monsiour Mallah- A living brain in a jar and a talking, superintelligent French gorilla. OTP.

The Devil - AKA [[Jimmy Olsen]]- Hates Cass and all her daughters.

Cable- Liefeldian character and Deadpool's buddy. Is pissed off at Wade left the book and started living next to Cass.

Darkseid- New God. Got his hand broke during Handshake with Cass (Much to her own disbelief).

Thanos- Marvel's version of Darkseid (Or vice-versa, whichever came first). He also got his hand broken by Cass.

Arrowette- Sole Young Justice surviving member and possible bastard child of Green Arrow. She’s probably better off that way.

Guy Gardner- The best Green Lantern ever, behind G’nort.

Donna Troy- Has no idea who she is or what the hell she's doing. Often holds a machine gun.

Maxwell Lord- randomly evil then got killed. Still better off than Nightwing.

Leslie Thompkins- bitchy and insame murderer-by-proxy. Willing to perform Lobotomies.

Sinestro- Cass's teacher in EVIL! Currently trying to destroy the multiverse.

Zatanna- Slept with Hal Jordan as part of a deal involving a mindwipe, after Hal saw Miss Martian turn into a naked Green Arrow.

[[Wondergirl]]- Cassandra Sandsmark. Teen Titan and one of Tim's girls. Hopelessly emo, she's usually crying over her dead boyfriend Superboy--which is ironic seeing as he has since been revived.

Wonder Woman- Gets her lasso stolen regularly. Assulted Frank Miller once. Was NOT the subject of a 48-page rape comic.

Various versions of Cass (Such as a Liefeldian Cass)

Captain America- Supports Anit-drug groups, despite getting his very powers from drugs. He’s dead now, did’ja hear?

Spider-Man- possibly brainwashed by Tony. Likes Jell-O. Married to a supermodel yet hates his life.

Alan Scott- Old Green Lantern. Cass once smacked him with a tree branch.

Raven- Has the misfortune of having Damien Scott as artist. Also has a hypnoass.

Death- Goth and guide to recently deceased souls. Has given Hal and Ollie a free ticket to come back to life after they groped her. Also revived Steph.

Dream (Daniel)- Death's brother and Cass's English tutor.

Misty- Goth and Zatanna's apprentice. She sent Tim to the TG universe after he hit on the Goths.

The Scooby Doo Gang—Cass spent the missing year with them.

Captain Nazi—Hates freedom.

Joker- Psychotic clown. Killed the Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker from 'The Batman'. Tries to shoot Cass every day, like clockwork.

Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker- Killed by the real Joker

*Surge*

*Dust*

Maggie Sawyer- Another Lesbian cop.

Holly Robinson- Lesbian and one of the current Catwomans

Obsidian- Alan Scott's son. He's one of a few gay male DC characters. Slightly insane.

Pied Piper- Former Flash rogue and another of the few gay males in the DCU. Likes to play the flute *snicker*

Grace Choi- Outsider and bi!slut. Likes to drink and curse. Not surprisingly, created by Judd Winick.

Thunder- Outsider and Grace Choi's girlfriend. Has no personality other than being gay and having daddy issues, which is to say, she has more personality than Batwoman.

Lobo- Fraggin' Bastitch who was Cass's rival for the Pope-hood. After a vicious Holy War they came to a truce.

Aquaman- Both the regular lame version and the "cool" current version

Bat-Mite- Batman's #1 fan from the 5th dimesion. Is smitten by Cass.

Stan Lee- Oddly enough, was bald in his first appearance, than had hair in subsequent appearances

Heroes for Hire- Mistaken by Cass for an S&M club.

Boba Fett- Bounty Hunter and acquaintance of Cass.

Cthulhu- Think of a tentacle-rape monster with the Power Cosmic. Cthulhu is a Great Old One who has risen unopposed and eaten some ate some Miskatonic University students.

Rose- As in Dr. Who's sidekick

Al from Quantum Leap

'Mystery Guy'- Recurring evil force focussed on destroying Cass. Turned out to be Access

Query- Hypothetical daughter of Cass and The Question. Likes to look at people’s underwar.

There is also a standard character model that Espanolbot uses frequently when a minor character (Such as a doctor or a shopkeep, for instance) is needed, rather than drawing a new one each time.

[[Category:Superdickery Related]]
[[Category:Comics Related]]

Casstoons

2007-07-04T12:11:12Z

ChthonicSpirit: /* Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons */

'''Casstoons''' is the name of a stripcomic, drawn by [[EspanolBot]], and written by [[Drink]], although other writers (such as [[Ing]] or [[Justin Carr]]) have contributed to it. It describes the diverse misadventures of Cassandra Cain, the third [[Batgirl]], and Tim Drake, the third [[Robin]], the vast majority of those dealing with the recent editorial decision of DC to make Cass evil.

In a moment of rage following the release of Robin #150, where that storyline began, Drink and Espanolbot, notorious members of the [[Cass Cult]], made a small strip where Cass rips Didio's face off. If you ask almost anyone, he deserved it.

After this first try, the two members continued to make strips about that editorial decision, always giving Cassandra Cain the major role. Soon, the strips diverged to include other DC characters (and more recently Marvel and Vertigo ones) and to concentrate on other storylines, not necessarily linked to Cass and Tim. The two characters, however, always appear in the strips.

Most characters in the Casstoons are either parodies or caricatures of their comic versions. For example, [[Hal Jordan]] is extremely offensive towards women and minorities, and Iron Man is portrayed with a Martini in hand, a jab at his past as an alchoholic. Cass herself has committed ann increasingly horrific series of murders in her desperation to become 'good' again.

The Casstoons have also produced a daughter comic of sorts featuring Booster Gold in addition to Cass, produced entirely by [[HotAndCold]], who usually uses the comic to express her rage at the handling of Booster in 52.

Casstoons became the most important attraction of the Cass Cain appreciation thread in a matter of weeks. It has also been successfully presented to the official DC message boards and other noteable forums.

==Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons==

Beast Boy- Former Teen Titans who hangs out with the main characters. Cass often injures him in one way or another.

Adam Beechen- The writer who did the story in which Cass went evil. For his own safety, he is rarely shown in the same panel as Cass. He's a rabid Tim Drake fanboy and in all his stories Tim wins by miraculous duex ex machina--even if Tim was not a main character.

Stephanie Brown- Cass's best friend and former costumed hero the Spoiler. Was killed senselessly in the War Games crossover, but Cass made a pseudo-alive scarecrow replica of Stephanie, inspired by 52. She was revived briefly when Tim dabbled in dark magic, then permanently by Death itself. She now lives with Cass and Tim and shares their adventures. She's dating the revived Superboy and works as a secret agent.

Cassandra Cain- Most current Batgirl who was turned evil recently. In a desperate attempt to become good again, Cass has gone a series of crazy adventures, as portrayed in the Casstoons. She tends to point out the holes in the logic of comics, and often seems to be the only rational person around her. Currently the Pope of the Catholic Church and the Boxing Champion of the world.

John Constantine - Chainsmoking english wizard. appears occasionally in casstoons that involve the occult in some fashion. Currently shagging Zatanna.

Deathstroke- Pedophile and leader of the Titans East. He is older than dust.

Dan DiDio- Whose face was bandaged after an angry Cass assaulted him, tearing off the skin from his skull. After some post-reconstructive surgery, he has been reborn as Dankor, based on the villian from Prince of Space. He loves Lesbians and hates the ninties and fun.

[[Tim Drake]]- The current Robin. Often he is an asshole towards Cass, but despite that, she still hangs out with him and has even let him live with her when Damian burned all of Tim's things at Wayne Manor. He is currently involved with Rose Wilson, Cassie Sandsmark, and Mia Dearden (Despite her HIV infection) Sometimes all at once. He hates country music.

Henchie- Cass's Henchman. Mainly used in menial chores. Despite Ninja outfit, he's British. He accidentally went to Oz in a hot air balloon trip gone wrong, and now works as a talent agent for comic characters.

[[Deadpool]]- Merc with the Mouth and Cass's neighbour at her apartment complex. The two have become friends and often go on adventures together, whether to another dimension or just down to the Pizza Joint on the corner. Often has madcap and nonsensical adventures with the new Blue Beetle, Jaime Reyes.

Jaime Reyes, the third Blue Beetle—can usually be found having madcap and nonsensical adventures with Deadpool. Dreams of being a dentist.

The ressurected corpse of Blue Beetle, Ted Kord- With Band-Aid on head. Currently dating Barbara Gordon.

[[Nightwing]]- Former Robin. He is either a manic depressant or hopelessly emo. No one really bothered to do a proper diagnosis. No matter how bad you got things, Chances are you're still better off than Nightwing.

[[Batman]]- Ultimate Superhero. Has Bat-Female-Sidekick-Forgetting and Baby-Kidnapping powers.

[[Supergirl]]- A Horrid bitch, Supergirl has become a serial rapist, and often comes to blows with Cass over different subjects. Namely, how calling Supergirl a one-dimensional character is a compliment. She is trying to become a better person, but it usually depends on the writer and/or what drugs she's on.

[[Wondergirl]]- Cassandra Sandsmark. Teen Titan and one of Tim's girls. Hopelessly emo, she's usually crying over her dead boyfriend Superboy--which is ironic seeing as he has since been revived.

Inertia- Bart Allen's nemesis and clone. Has a slight crush on Cass but now dates Sungirl.

Iron Man- Drunken Womanizer and advocate for Superhero registration. Put Cass in charage of the Kansas initiave.

Hal Jordan- The foremost Green Lantern, the Halmeister gets by on his rugged good looks and his 50's style charm. In reality, he's a racist Man-Whore who hasn't got with the times.

Ravager- Cass's one-time rival and current Teen Titan. One of Tim's girls. Might just possibly take it in the eye socket. You know what “it” is…

The Secret Six- Consisting of Catman, Scandal, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Knockout, and Mad Hatter, who loved hats. Sexually. Harley Quinn has since replaced Mad Hatter. Cass desperately wants to be a part of this team, but will never be allowed to be.

Sungirl- Likes to burn stuff

Titans East- Cass's former super team that consists mostly of the boneheads. They are:

Kid Crusader- Formerly Choirboy. Fanatic religious nut. Has helped Cass on several ocassions but mostly enjoys smiting Kid Devil

Match- Bizarro clone of Superboy. Has dated Duela Dent and Enigma.

Risk- Had his arm torn off by Superboy Prime. The brunt of many one-armed jokes.

Duela Dent- Lunatic that's possibly the daughter of a supervillain. Was killed off after Titans East but somehow survived and attended her own funeral. Likes to pull practical jokes with Jason Todd.

and, Enigma- The Riddlers Daughter. Nobody knows anything about her. Or cares really.

Superboy- Was kept alive as a preserved head by Tim, until revived by dark magic. He's now a head on a giant robotic body-which is fine by him because he can wear jeans again. Currently dating Stephanie Brown.

Batwoman- She's a lesbian, in case you didn't hear. In fact, it's almost all she ever says. Kinda like a Pokemon.

Renee Montoya- Lesbian cop and the new Question. Yes, you heard me right...

Lil' Cassie Wilson- The hypothetical daughter of Cass and Deadpool. Leads the League of Cass Daughters.

Green Arrow- Man-Whore and Commie Pinko extrordinaire. Waits till they're 18-unless they're an alien.

The rest of Team Arrow (Arsenal (now Red Arrow), Speedy and Connor Hawke): Wards and/or bastard children of Green Arrow. Speedy has HIV but it doesn't seem to affect her, or anybody she sleeps with, at all.

Damian/Ibn Al Xu'ffacsh- The bastard son of Batman. Possibly the Anti-Christ.

Alfred Pennyworth- Batman's Butler. So incredibly English. Only member of the Batfamily with a known age.

Jonah Hex- Western Bounty Hunter displaced from time by Cass.

Barbara Gordon- Formerly Batgirl, currently Oracle. Although surly at times (particularly when dressed as a Dalek), she's Cass's surrogate sister. Believed to secretly worship the Old Ones. Currently dating Ted Kord, the dead Blue Beetle.

Bette Kane- Technically a former Batgirl (Although most won't admit it), Cass repeatedly exacts revenge on this poor doofus to make herself feel better. Apparantly immortal.

Huntress- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. They often drink Tea together and discuss current events.

Miho- Cass's Ninja contemporary from Sin City and current champion of intercompany tournament (Only because Cass didn't compete though).

The [[Goddamn Batman]]- A harder, meaner, drinkinger and Goddamner version of Batman from the 80's. A new issue of his book is put out once a year. He has stubble and likes to eat rats.

Jesse Custer- Texan Preacher with the voice of God.

Kyle Rayner- Green Lantern who keeps getting women stuck in his fridge. Currently evil. Tried to extract revenge upon Geoff Johns Cass-style but it was overkill.

The Flash- Was Bart Allen, formerly Impulse, who was ludicrously emo. He died, and was replaced by the guy he replaced, Wally West. yeah, it makes no sense to me either.

Midnighter and Apollo- Comics leading gay couple.

Black Canary- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. Bastardized by Winick back into a damsel in distress.

Vic Sage- News anchor and Objectivist hero, the Question. Knows the truth about Aglets. Faked his own death and is alive and well hiding in Cass's apartment. Knows that A is always A.

Sin, AKA Cass Jr.- Adopted daughter of Black Canary, Cass gave Sin a minature Batgirl cowl of her very own. Will most very likely be killed for dramatic shock effect.

The Shade- Cool anti-hero and anti-rape advocate. Once tried to have Dankor burned as a witch.

Lady Shiva- Cass's mum. Will beat up anybody who besmirches her daughter’s honor. And occasionally she’ll beat up her daughter too.

Skeletor and Evil Warriors- Tri-Klops, Mer-Man, et. Al. Cass once was sold to their world. They’re all incompetent.

Spider Jerusalem- Futuristic journalist also displaced from time by Cass.

Starfire- Photosynthetic nymphomaniac samurai xenomorph. Has adventures in space with Animal man and Adam Strange. Sex with her is the only thing in the world that can even temporarily cure Nightwing's depression.

Superboy Prime- punch-happy lunatic from another universe. Often called upon in moments of dire need by Cass. Had a one night stand with the Scarlet Witch.

David Cain- Cass's dad. Obsessed with breeding his daughter with eligible bachelors.

Jason Todd- Former Robin/corpse. Cass has twice one-punched him for trying to usurp the Batgirl role. Likes to dress up as random superheroes and play practical jokes on people with Duela Dent. Has a starring role in the current Countdown.

Ralph Dibny & Dr. Fate helmet- Stretchy hero who's out of his goddamn mind and helmet of a dead hero who he talks to. Turns out he was never insane and now he’s dead and we all feel bad.

Rorschach- Hrrrm.

Miss Martian- Cute new hero who was the object of lust for the womanizers. Cass protected her with violence and smarts. Will likely turn evil within the next decade.

Dr. Light- Rapist who was banished to the Shadow realm by the Shade, then raped by Supergirl. He then turned himself in after the ironic rape.

V- A man of wealth and taste.

Robotman- Member of the Doom Patrol and John Byrne hater.

The Chief- Leader of the Doom Patrol and all-around asshole.

Gail Simone- Is never seen, just her doorstep. One of the few non-villainfied DC writers. In real life she’s a Casstoon fan.

The Punisher – Thinks he’s Captain America.

Hellboy – Sounds like Slade

*The Goon*

Black Cat – see “Catwoman”

Elektra – Is a ninja.

J. Jonah Jameson- Hot headed editor. Hated by Spider Jerusalem.

X-23- Definite Wolverine clone and possible Cass clone from Marvel. The two girls were amalgamated by Access.

Wolverine- Semi-omnipotent superhero with claws. Horribly, horribly, horribly short.

Access- The guardian over the doorway to DC and Marvel. Access had a vendetta against Cass due to her liberal passage through the universes. Once successfully masqueraded as Evil Cass, which only worked due to Tim’s stupidity.

The League of Cass Villians- A group of mediocre villians that Cass faced: Rigor Mortis- A stiffened corpse, Miss Fire- A near sighted pyrokinetic, and Gelatin Man- The name pretty much describes him, but he's Scottish.

The TG-Verse- Many Transgendered version of aformentioned characters, such as Tina for Tim, Cassian for Cass, and Rafael for Raven. Their Green Arrow and Green Lantern are a monogamous lesbian couple.

Love Cass- A robotic nympho version of Cass in a bikini and an increased bustline. A world famous porn star and able to outsex every last Doombot.

Evil Cass- The version of Cass that appeared in Robin. Is either wearing a "Lil' Shiva" outfit or a Batgirl cowl with a monocle and glowing red eyes. While evil, she isn't particularly bright, despite her percipacity. Quite possibly a schizophrenic fractured personality of Cass.

Henchman X- The evil version of Henchie

Nina the Kryptonian Ninja- the hypothetical daughter of Cass and Superboy. For some reason, she speaks Japanese as a primary language. Founding member of the Legion of Cass-Daughters.

Goldie- The hyothetical daughter of Cass and Booster Gold. Will do anything for a promotion deal. Founding member of the Legion of Cass Daughters.

Skeets- Robotic sidekick and Pimp. Was briefly possessed by a giant killer butterfly.

Skats- Supposedly Skeets's daughter and Goldie's sidekick. Can also be used as a phone.

Road Hogg- A pig/human type thing, this past character from Cass's series crashed at her place, only to start living with Supergirl after a backfired rape attempt.

Brain and Monsiour Mallah- A living brain in a jar and a talking, superintelligent French gorilla. OTP.

The Devil - AKA [[Jimmy Olsen]]- Hates Cass and all her daughters.

Cable- Liefeldian character and Deadpool's buddy. Is pissed off at Wade left the book and started living next to Cass.

Darkseid- New God. Got his hand broke during Handshake with Cass (Much to her own disbelief).

Thanos- Marvel's version of Darkseid (Or vice-versa, whichever came first). He also got his hand broken by Cass.

Arrowette- Sole Young Justice surviving member and possible bastard child of Green Arrow. She’s probably better off that way.

Guy Gardner- The best Green Lantern ever, behind G’nort.

Donna Troy- Has no idea who she is or what the hell she's doing. Often holds a machine gun.

Maxwell Lord- randomly evil then got killed. Still better off than Nightwing.

Leslie Thompkins- bitchy and insame murderer-by-proxy. Willing to perform Lobotomies.

Sinestro- Cass's teacher in EVIL! Currently trying to destroy the multiverse.

Zatanna- Slept with Hal Jordan as part of a deal involving a mindwipe, after Hal saw Miss Martian turn into a naked Green Arrow.

Superman- A dick. During a psychotic rampage, Cass smacked him with a kryptonite hammer. Has no idea who Superboy is anymore.

Wonder Woman- Gets her lasso stolen regularly. Assulted Frank Miller once. Was NOT the subject of a 48-page rape comic.

Various versions of Cass (Such as a Liefeldian Cass)

Captain America- Supports Anit-drug groups, despite getting his very powers from drugs. He’s dead now, did’ja hear?

Spider-Man- possibly brainwashed by Tony. Likes Jell-O. Married to a supermodel yet hates his life.

Alan Scott- Old Green Lantern. Cass once smacked him with a tree branch.

Raven- Has the misfortune of having Damien Scott as artist. Also has a hypnoass.

Death- Goth and guide to recently deceased souls. Has given Hal and Ollie a free ticket to come back to life after they groped her. Also revived Steph.

Dream (Daniel)- Death's brother and Cass's English tutor.

Misty- Goth and Zatanna's apprentice. She sent Tim to the TG universe after he hit on the Goths.

The Scooby Doo Gang—Cass spent the missing year with them.

Captain Nazi—Hates freedom.

Joker- Psychotic clown. Killed the Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker from 'The Batman'. Tries to shoot Cass every day, like clockwork.

Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker- Killed by the real Joker

*Surge*

*Dust*

Maggie Sawyer- Another Lesbian cop.

Holly Robinson- Lesbian and one of the current Catwomans

Obsidian- Alan Scott's son. He's one of a few gay male DC characters. Slightly insane.

Pied Piper- Former Flash rogue and another of the few gay males in the DCU. Likes to play the flute *snicker*

Grace Choi- Outsider and bi!slut. Likes to drink and curse. Not surprisingly, created by Judd Winick.

Thunder- Outsider and Grace Choi's girlfriend. Has no personality other than being gay and having daddy issues, which is to say, she has more personality than Batwoman.

Lobo- Fraggin' Bastitch who was Cass's rival for the Pope-hood. After a vicious Holy War they came to a truce.

Aquaman- Both the regular lame version and the "cool" current version

Bat-Mite- Batman's #1 fan from the 5th dimesion. Is smitten by Cass.

Stan Lee- Oddly enough, was bald in his first appearance, than had hair in subsequent appearances

Heroes for Hire- Mistaken by Cass for an S&M club.

Boba Fett- Bounty Hunter and acquaintance of Cass.

Cthulhu- Think of a tentacle-rape monster with the Power Cosmic. Cthulhu is a Great Old One who has risen unopposed and eaten some ate some Miskatonic University students.

Rose- As in Dr. Who's sidekick

Al from Quantum Leap

'Mystery Guy'- Recurring evil force focussed on destroying Cass. Turned out to be Access

Query- Hypothetical daughter of Cass and The Question. Likes to look at people’s underwar.

There is also a standard character model that Espanolbot uses frequently when a minor character (Such as a doctor or a shopkeep, for instance) is needed, rather than drawing a new one each time.

[[Category:Superdickery Related]]
[[Category:Comics Related]]

Casstoons

2007-07-04T11:35:14Z

ChthonicSpirit: /* Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons */

'''Casstoons''' is the name of a stripcomic, drawn by [[EspanolBot]], and written by [[Drink]], although other writers (such as [[Ing]] or [[Justin Carr]]) have contributed to it. It describes the diverse misadventures of Cassandra Cain, the third [[Batgirl]], and Tim Drake, the third [[Robin]], the vast majority of those dealing with the recent editorial decision of DC to make Cass evil.

In a moment of rage following the release of Robin #150, where that storyline began, Drink and Espanolbot, notorious members of the [[Cass Cult]], made a small strip where Cass rips Didio's face off. If you ask almost anyone, he deserved it.

After this first try, the two members continued to make strips about that editorial decision, always giving Cassandra Cain the major role. Soon, the strips diverged to include other DC characters (and more recently Marvel and Vertigo ones) and to concentrate on other storylines, not necessarily linked to Cass and Tim. The two characters, however, always appear in the strips.

Most characters in the Casstoons are either parodies or caricatures of their comic versions. For example, [[Hal Jordan]] is extremely offensive towards women and minorities, and Iron Man is portrayed with a Martini in hand, a jab at his past as an alchoholic. Cass herself has committed ann increasingly horrific series of murders in her desperation to become 'good' again.

The Casstoons have also produced a daughter comic of sorts featuring Booster Gold in addition to Cass, produced entirely by [[HotAndCold]], who usually uses the comic to express her rage at the handling of Booster in 52.

Casstoons became the most important attraction of the Cass Cain appreciation thread in a matter of weeks. It has also been successfully presented to the official DC message boards and other noteable forums.

==Characters and People that have appeared in the Casstoons==

Beast Boy- Former Teen Titans who hangs out with the main characters. Cass often injures him in one way or another.

Adam Beechen- The writer who did the story in which Cass went evil. For his own safety, he is rarely shown in the same panel as Cass. He's a rabid Tim Drake fanboy and in all his stories Tim wins by miraculous duex ex machina--even if Tim was not a main character.

Stephanie Brown- Cass's best friend and former costumed hero the Spoiler. Was killed senselessly in the War Games crossover, but Cass made a pseudo-alive scarecrow replica of Stephanie, inspired by 52. She was revived briefly when Tim dabbled in dark magic, then permanently by Death itself. She now lives with Cass and Tim and shares their adventures. She's dating the revived Superboy and works as a secret agent.

Cassandra Cain- Most current Batgirl who was turned evil recently. In a desperate attempt to become good again, Cass has gone a series of crazy adventures, as portrayed in the Casstoons. She tends to point out the holes in the logic of comics, and often seems to be the only rational person around her. Currently the Pope of the Catholic Church and the Boxing Champion of the world.

John Constantine - Chainsmoking english wizard. appears occasionally in casstoons that involve the occult in some fashion. Currently shagging Zatanna.

Deathstroke- Pedophile and leader of the Titans East. He is older than dust.

Dan DiDio- Whose face was bandaged after an angry Cass assaulted him, tearing off the skin from his skull. After some post-reconstructive surgery, he has been reborn as Dankor, based on the villian from Prince of Space. He loves Lesbians and hates the ninties and fun.

[[Tim Drake]]- The current Robin. Often he is an asshole towards Cass, but despite that, she still hangs out with him and has even let him live with her when Damian burned all of Tim's things at Wayne Manor. He is currently involved with Rose Wilson, Cassie Sandsmark, and Mia Dearden (Despite her HIV infection) Sometimes all at once. He hates country music.

Henchie- Cass's Henchman. Mainly used in menial chores. Despite Ninja outfit, he's British. He accidentally went to Oz in a hot air balloon trip gone wrong, and now works as a talent agent for comic characters.

[[Deadpool]]- Merc with the Mouth and Cass's neighbour at her apartment complex. The two have become friends and often go on adventures together, whether to another dimension or just down to the Pizza Joint on the corner. Often has madcap and nonsensical adventures with the new Blue Beetle, Jaime Reyes.

Jaime Reyes, the third Blue Beetle—can usually be found having madcap and nonsensical adventures with Deadpool. Dreams of being a dentist.

The ressurected corpse of Blue Beetle, Ted Kord- With Band-Aid on head. Currently dating Barbara Gordon.

[[Nightwing]]- Former Robin. He is either a manic depressant or hopelessly emo. No one really bothered to do a proper diagnosis. No matter how bad you got things, Chances are you're still better off than Nightwing.

[[Batman]]- Ultimate Superhero. Has Bat-Female-Sidekick-Forgetting and Baby-Kidnapping powers.

[[Supergirl]]- A Horrid bitch, Supergirl has become a serial rapist, and often comes to blows with Cass over different subjects. Namely, how calling Supergirl a one-dimensional character is a compliment. She is trying to become a better person, but it usually depends on the writer and/or what drugs she's on.

[[Wondergirl]]- Cassandra Sandsmark. Teen Titan and one of Tim's girls. Hopelessly emo, she's usually crying over her dead boyfriend Superboy--which is ironic seeing as he has since been revived.

Inertia- Bart Allen's nemesis and clone. Has a slight crush on Cass but now dates Sungirl.

Iron Man- Drunken Womanizer and advocate for Superhero registration. Put Cass in charage of the Kansas initiave.

Hal Jordan- The foremost Green Lantern, the Halmeister gets by on his rugged good looks and his 50's style charm. In reality, he's a racist Man-Whore who hasn't got with the times.

Ravager- Cass's one-time rival and current Teen Titan. One of Tim's girls. Might just possibly take it in the eye socket. You know what “it” is…

The Secret Six- Consisting of Catman, Scandal, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Knockout, and Mad Hatter, who loved hats. Sexually. Harley Quinn has since replaced Mad Hatter. Cass desperately wants to be a part of this team, but will never be allowed to be.

Vic Sage- News anchor and Objectivist hero, the Question. Knows the truth about Aglets. Faked his own death and is alive and well hiding in Cass's apartment. Knows that A is always A.

Sungirl- Likes to burn stuff

Starfire- Photosynthetic nymphomaniac samurai xenomorph. Has adventures in space with Animal man and Adam Strange. Sex with her is the only thing in the world that can even temporarily cure Nightwing's depression.

Titans East- Cass's former super team that consists mostly of the boneheads. They are:

Kid Crusader- Formerly Choirboy. Fanatic religious nut. Has helped Cass on several ocassions but mostly enjoys smiting Kid Devil

Match- Bizarro clone of Superboy. Has dated Duela Dent and Enigma.

Risk- Had his arm torn off by Superboy Prime. The brunt of many one-armed jokes.

Duela Dent- Lunatic that's possibly the daughter of a supervillain. Was killed off after Titans East but somehow survived and attended her own funeral. Likes to pull practical jokes with Jason Todd.

and, Enigma- The Riddlers Daughter. Nobody knows anything about her. Or cares really.

Superboy- Was kept alive as a preserved head by Tim, until revived by dark magic. He's now a head on a giant robotic body-which is fine by him because he can wear jeans again. Currently dating Stephanie Brown.

Batwoman- She's a lesbian, in case you didn't hear. In fact, it's almost all she ever says. Kinda like a Pokemon.

Renee Montoya- Lesbian cop and the new Question. Yes, you heard me right...

Skeletor and Evil Warriors- Tri-Klops, Mer-Man, et. Al. Cass once was sold to their world. They’re all incompetent.

Lil' Cassie Wilson- The hypothetical daughter of Cass and Deadpool. Leads the League of Cass Daughters.

Green Arrow- Man-Whore and Commie Pinko extrordinaire. Waits till they're 18-unless they're an alien.

The rest of Team Arrow (Arsenal (now Red Arrow), Speedy and Connor Hawke): Wards and/or bastard children of Green Arrow. Speedy has HIV but it doesn't seem to affect her, or anybody she sleeps with, at all.

Damian/Ibn Al Xu'ffacsh- The bastard son of Batman. Possibly the Anti-Christ.

Alfred Pennyworth- Batman's Butler. So incredibly English. Only member of the Batfamily with a known age.

Jonah Hex- Western Bounty Hunter displaced from time by Cass.

Spider Jerusalem- Futuristic journalist also displaced from time by Cass.

Barbara Gordon- Formerly Batgirl, currently Oracle. Although surly at times (particularly when dressed as a Dalek), she's Cass's surrogate sister. Believed to secretly worship the Old Ones. Currently dating Ted Kord, the dead Blue Beetle.

Bette Kane- Technically a former Batgirl (Although most won't admit it), Cass repeatedly exacts revenge on this poor doofus to make herself feel better. Apparantly immortal.

Huntress- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. They often drink Tea together and discuss current events.

Miho- Cass's Ninja contemporary from Sin City and current champion of intercompany tournament (Only because Cass didn't compete though).

The [[Goddamn Batman]]- A harder, meaner, drinkinger and Goddamner version of Batman from the 80's. A new issue of his book is put out once a year. He has stubble and likes to eat rats.

Superboy Prime- punch-happy lunatic from another universe. Often called upon in moments of dire need by Cass. Had a one night stand with the Scarlet Witch.

Jesse Custer- Texan Preacher with the voice of God.

Kyle Rayner- Green Lantern who keeps getting women stuck in his fridge. Currently evil. Tried to extract revenge upon Geoff Johns Cass-style but it was overkill.

The Flash- Was Bart Allen, formerly Impulse, who was ludicrously emo. He died, and was replaced by the guy he replaced, Wally West. yeah, it makes no sense to me either.

Midnighter and Apollo- Comics leading gay couple.

Black Canary- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. Bastardized by Winick back into a damsel in distress.

Sin, AKA Cass Jr.- Adopted daughter of Black Canary, Cass gave Sin a minature Batgirl cowl of her very own. Will most very likely be killed for dramatic shock effect.

Lady Shiva- Cass's mum. Will beat up anybody who besmirches her daughter’s honor. And occasionally she’ll beat up her daughter too.

David Cain- Cass's dad. Obsessed with breeding his daughter with eligible bachelors.

Jason Todd- Former Robin/corpse. Cass has twice one-punched him for trying to usurp the Batgirl role. Likes to dress up as random superheroes and play practical jokes on people with Duela Dent. Has a starring role in the current Countdown.

Ralph Dibny & Dr. Fate helmet- Stretchy hero who's out of his goddamn mind and helmet of a dead hero who he talks to. Turns out he was never insane and now he’s dead and we all feel bad.

Rorschach- Hrrrm.

Miss Martian- Cute new hero who was the object of lust for the womanizers. Cass protected her with violence and smarts. Will likely turn evil within the next decade.

The Shade- Cool anti-hero and anti-rape advocate.

Dr. Light- Rapist who was banished to the Shadow realm by the Shade, then raped by Supergirl. He then turned himself in after the ironic rape.

V- A man of wealth and taste.

Robotman- Member of the Doom Patrol and John Byrne hater.

The Chief- Leader of the Doom Patrol and all-around asshole.

Gail Simone- Is never seen, just her doorstep. One of the few non-villainfied DC writers. In real life she’s a Casstoon fan.

The Punisher – Thinks he’s Captain America.

Hellboy – Sounds like Slade

*The Goon*

Black Cat – see “Catwoman”

Elektra – Is a ninja.

J. Jonah Jameson- Hot headed editor. Hated by Spider Jerusalem.

X-23- Definite Wolverine clone and possible Cass clone from Marvel. The two girls were amalgamated by Access.

Wolverine- Semi-omnipotent superhero with claws. Horribly, horribly, horribly short.

Access- The guardian over the doorway to DC and Marvel. Access had a vendetta against Cass due to her liberal passage through the universes. Once successfully masqueraded as Evil Cass, which only worked due to Tim’s stupidity.

The League of Cass Villians- A group of mediocre villians that Cass faced: Rigor Mortis- A stiffened corpse, Miss Fire- A near sighted pyrokinetic, and Gelatin Man- The name pretty much describes him, but he's Scottish.

The TG-Verse- Many Transgendered version of aformentioned characters, such as Tina for Tim, Cassian for Cass, and Rafael for Raven. Their Green Arrow and Green Lantern are a monogamous lesbian couple.

Love Cass- A robotic nympho version of Cass in a bikini and an increased bustline. A world famous porn star and able to outsex every last Doombot.

Evil Cass- The version of Cass that appeared in Robin. Is either wearing a "Lil' Shiva" outfit or a Batgirl cowl with a monocle and glowing red eyes. While evil, she isn't particularly bright, despite her percipacity. Quite possibly a schizophrenic fractured personality of Cass.

Henchman X- The evil version of Henchie

Nina the Kryptonian Ninja- the hypothetical daughter of Cass and Superboy. For some reason, she speaks Japanese as a primary language. Founding member of the Legion of Cass-Daughters.

Goldie- The hyothetical daughter of Cass and Booster Gold. Will do anything for a promotion deal. Founding member of the Legion of Cass Daughters.

Skeets- Robotic sidekick and Pimp. Was briefly possessed by a giant killer butterfly.

Skats- Supposedly Skeets's daughter and Goldie's sidekick. Can also be used as a phone.

Road Hogg- A pig/human type thing, this past character from Cass's series crashed at her place, only to start living with Supergirl after a backfired rape attempt.

Brain and Monsiour Mallah- A living brain in a jar and a talking, superintelligent French gorilla. OTP.

The Devil - AKA [[Jimmy Olsen]]- Hates Cass and all her daughters.

Cable- Liefeldian character and Deadpool's buddy. Is pissed off at Wade left the book and started living next to Cass.

Darkseid- New God. Got his hand broke during Handshake with Cass (Much to her own disbelief).

Thanos- Marvel's version of Darkseid (Or vice-versa, whichever came first). He also got his hand broken by Cass.

Arrowette- Sole Young Justice surviving member and possible bastard child of Green Arrow. She’s probably better off that way.

Guy Gardner- The best Green Lantern ever, behind G’nort.

Donna Troy- Has no idea who she is or what the hell she's doing. Often holds a machine gun.

Maxwell Lord- randomly evil then got killed. Still better off than Nightwing.

Leslie Thompkins- bitchy and insame murderer-by-proxy. Willing to perform Lobotomies.

Sinestro- Cass's teacher in EVIL! Currently trying to destroy the multiverse.

Zatanna- Slept with Hal Jordan as part of a deal involving a mindwipe, after Hal saw Miss Martian turn into a naked Green Arrow.

Superman- A dick. During a psychotic rampage, Cass smacked him with a kryptonite hammer. Has no idea who Superboy is anymore.

Wonder Woman- Gets her lasso stolen regularly. Assulted Frank Miller once.

Various versions of Cass (Such as a Liefeldian Cass)

Captain America- Supports Anit-drug groups, despite getting his very powers from drugs. He’s dead now, did’ja hear?

Spider-Man- possibly brainwashed by Tony. Likes Jell-O. Married to a supermodel yet hates his life.

Alan Scott- Old Green Lantern. Cass once smacked him with a tree branch.

Raven- Has the misfortune of having Damien Scott as artist. Also has a hypnoass.

Death- Goth and guide to recently deceased souls. Has given Hal and Ollie a free ticket to come back to life after they groped her. Also revived Steph.

Dream (Daniel)- Death's brother and Cass's English tutor.

Misty- Goth and Zatanna's apprentice. She sent Tim to the TG universe after he hit on the Goths.

The Scooby Doo Gang—Cass spent the missing year with them.

Captain Nazi—Hates freedom.

Joker- Psychotic clown. Killed the Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker from 'The Batman'. Tries to shoot Cass every day, like clockwork.

Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker- Killed by the real Joker

*Surge*

*Dust*

Maggie Sawyer- Another Lesbian cop.

Holly Robinson- Lesbian and one of the current Catwomans

Obsidian- Alan Scott's son. He's one of a few gay male DC characters. Slightly insane.

Pied Piper- Former Flash rogue and another of the few gay males in the DCU. Likes to play the flute *snicker*

Grace Choi- Outsider and bi!slut. Likes to curse.

Thunder- Outsider and (apparently) a lesbian, thanks to Judd Winick. Has no discernable personality, though she still has more of a personality than Batwoman.

Lobo- Fraggin' Bastitch who was Cass's rival for the Pope-hood. After a vicious Holy War they came to a truce.

Aquaman- Both the regular lame version and the "cool" current version

Bat-Mite- Batman's #1 fan from the 5th dimesion. Is smitten by Cass.

Stan Lee- Oddly enough, was bald in his first appearance, than had hair in subsequent appearances

Heroes for Hire- Mistaken by Cass for an S&M club.

Boba Fett- Bounty Hunter and acquaintance of Cass.

Cthulhu- Think of a tentacle-rape monster with the Power Cosmic. Cthulhu is a Great Old One who has risen unopposed and eaten some ate some Miskatonic University students.

Rose- As in Dr. Who's sidekick

Al from Quantum Leap

'Mystery Guy'- Recurring evil force focussed on destroying Cass. Turned out to be Access

Query- Hypothetical daughter of Cass and The Question. Likes to look at people’s underwar.

There is also a standard character model that Espanolbot uses frequently when a minor character (Such as a doctor or a shopkeep, for instance) is needed, rather than drawing a new one each time.

[[Category:Superdickery Related]]
[[Category:Comics Related]]