Mojo philter

From Speakeasy

Revision as of 23:57, 22 December 2006

Mojo is an enigma wrapped in a mystery on a sesame seed bun. A forty-something Californian from Sunnyvale in the 'Silcon Valley' he now lives in Valparaiso, Chile where his most recent contribution to Chilean culture is the catchy phrase, 'mierda de perro no es cultura.' Like Bo Jackson he talks about himself in the Third Person and unlike Bo sometimes sings out loud in crowds the words 'dick in a box!' from the recent hilarious Andy Samberg SNL routine.

In 2001 a young fresh-faced mojo was kicked off the first Internet Forum he ever joined within 24 hours for the always heinous A.A.I.Q.A.J, asking an innocent question about jews. Mojo scratched his wonderfully luxurious thick head of hair and wondered why jews are such an hysterically protected species like the Saltmarsh topminnow, (Fundulus jenkinsi) or the Key Largo woodrat,(Neotoma floridana smalli) and it has been a process of 'rising in the light' ever since. 

Reluctantly giving the forum thing another try mojo lurked at Liberty Forum for months. Initially intimidated by the (at that time) high-toned discussion on LF, he hitched up his drawers cinched his Jethro Bodeen rope belt tighter and signed on as Bad Mojo. Hilarity ensued and good times were had by all, but later... in mid 2004 unable to login during one of the legendary LF server meltdowns, he changed his handle to billy_boatrocker. That being a more accurate representation of his strange passive-agressive personality. Tiring after 2000+ posts as BBR, billy felt LF had devolved into either an endless marathon of stale pizza and Seinfeld reruns or lewd and pulsating banality in it's highest and lowest forms at the same time. So, justifiably confused, he bowed out like a true pro. 
When asked by the media at his retirement press conference why he was hanging up his spikes while still at the top of his game, a tearful mojo/billy said." I don't worry about the things I can control, because I can control them, and I don't worry about the things I can't control because I can't control them."

In August 2005 approached by the K.C.E.D.F.(Knight of the Christian Empire and Defender of the Faith) Niccolo and Monkey in the bar at Hooters Night Club in Tampa, Florida billy signed up as proud member #76 at the brand spanking new Speakeasy Forum. For reasons unknown possibly due to his mild Aspergers syndrome billy signed up as mojo-philter. The best explanation for this faux pas is the lyric in the Beatles song Come Together. "He like muddy water, he want mojo filter, one and one and one is three, got to be good looking 'cause he so hard to see."

Recently, after mojo's triumphant farewell tour of metropolitan sports arena's and strip joints he was interviewed by a fawning James Lipton of The Actors Studio, mojo/billy desribed himself as a paleo-conservative anti-communist with an absurdist sense of humour. Although not an Nilhilist or Dadaist, (mojo/billy hates nihlists) he stated to Lipton he's an Iconoclast but at the same time has the highest admiration for Religious Wisdom of all types as distinct from religious PRACTICES (i.e. ritual), and indeed loves to read Buddhist writings such as the Dharmapadda.

Lipton did his famous word association game with mojo but every reply was sexual or some portion of the female anatomy. When asked what he would want God to say to him upon arriving in Heaven mojo said: "Hey mojo, we've got some great beer up here!"