Eman

From Egs Mayhem

Revision as of 06:23, 23 May 2008

Also known as eman. Not to be confused with E-Man.

eman has been known to write inane crap, use italics a lot, and sometimes wear a Gordon Freeman costume.

While one's usual natural tendency converges toward chasing rainbows and automobiles, a true philanthropist will choose the harder option, that is, extravagating sensetive whims in favor of the self-contradictory aspects of life. A reasonable way to approach that would be smoothly sliding from giant turtles into the abyss of the large swamps that are, the rootless bases of existence. A much more controversial method consists of approaching most bats with that somewhat amusing affirmation of vigilance over oneself, that is not that controversial considering bats eat mostly raw donuts and fast food. An established dictator would prefer softer pillows, though, according to the will of the roller-blade skyscrapers, or better, looking behind the highest forms of abstractive reductionism. As a general rule, most will prefer copped when engaging in the exploitation of imitative supermarkets and quantitative purification of cheese-cakes. Approaching a general method for the extermination of subordinative actions is one truly strong criterion for the possessiveness over one's inner group mechanisms. I also think that affectionate normativeness is bound to become a somewhat unindustrialized simplification of such other realms, don't you agree?

No! CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1234567890987654321

I will deconstruct into a ricer and then I will incarcerate into a cable and then I will nuke into a nuclear reactor and then I will shave into a Goblin Glider and then I will zap into a lollipop and then I will absorb into a glycerin and then I will rape into a Buick and then I will push into a bikini and then I will neuter into a adjective and then I will weazen into a Texas toast and then I will problematize into a broom and then I will cogitate into a limited edition, gold plated, autographed rabbi and then... I'll be done.

But why such a malicious simplification of truth? Isn't it obedience to the ruling of reductionist dictators? of free-men and pillow imitators? of general methods to the unindustrialized extermination of affectionate normativeness? The answer must be purified, converged, exploited, abstracted and affirmed, as a possessed bat roller-blading in a skyscraper. The truly strong criterion is in the large swamps! that is, in the sensitive whims produced by the giant turtles' group mechanisms! Existence precedes subordinative actions! as any true philanthropist will affirm! vigilance is only in the vision of the sliding supermarkets! Skitties! taste the rainbow! I like the smell of watermelons patty smacking furry sea monkeys.

The pain of becoming a rotten miniature cannot be compared to history's most tedious assertiveness over the degradation of flat surfaces. I would not have been surprised to hear that, considering I was cleaning my fifteen story apartment over a cup of barely untamed coffee when I was told that my favorite piece of filthy quackery was torn apart by the systematic ants of my neighbourhood's personal casino, really! Sometimes I feel that flying above my clouds with my favorite intergalactic cruise-board will make that seem a bit worthless, but not every day. I have a tendency to eat beds, chairs, rigid marshmallows, potato-boats, electric suits, raw meat, raw mice, raw plants, raw hydrogen and raw nuclear bombs. You see, I prefer a balanced, well thought out scaling of potential subversions of spontaneous justice, unlike most who practice the art of materialist kinship. OoOO ketchup! nukes and facepalms are orateing because of hateful PASTA!!!

A touch is the base of all thought, I learned that while I was attracting a herd of zealous monkies at the last time I was demonstrating the eradication of comparative electrical morality. This was an unashamedly explosive account of the otherwise superflous evaluation of other microwave life forms. It is very easy for one to lose one's steam when the environment is not correct for continuing. Stuff stuff stuff stuff yawn write don't care if there's no quality, just write, keep momentum. Words must continue to be placed on the paper. Must I continue to force myself to ignore Bio or can I keep writing volume and not ignore. Word word photogenetic phylogeny monked dogmatic system brick whale tourniquet ratchet fortune cookie cap square sign words red light polio fisheries onomatopoeia solar system dictionary spatial representation four snail doormat Easter Toledo North salami forge collectibles monkey monkey femur monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal narwhal spleen spleen spleen spleen spleen thee seven taco four eight paleontology glass words loud nonsense anchor hammer flight fish moron placid tranquility brick brick brick Formica splash fluid static eatery colossal spelled wrong always spinach blue green septum words pathway cornbread polymer hammer spectacular no erasing firstborn splatter sled corn fish fi fee fo four and a half California inquiry inquisition spolema tor wauki spigot worm disease rupture Korea Tokyo tsunami typhoon ninja kid food muffin top barrel of monkeys barrel monkeys barrel monkeys barrel monkeys badger snake fungi fungus fungal fish float flout snout snort crane plane main Maien strain mainstream Coast Guard splatter guard fold schmold cold spold spool cool fool pontoon raccoon to soon coon moon toon buffoon interpretive dance romance chance clance manse rancid meat spontaneous generation swirl twirl flurl curl divergence charge up a hill at the enemy who has entrenched in the superior position no matter we have more troops and your dog is expendable or perhaps your dog is expandable mandible click-clack giant ant flying into the mantis spongiform beast defeat in the realm of the manifold destiny collapse from sense to gibbering like four fold carts which we eat to cut down on excess protein put the spoon in your mouth you tooth fishing bastard what kind of man east teeth the blanket knows no bounds of sensical benevolent malefactor of memetic tom foolery is enforced by the simulated super intellect of an omniscient sandwich brother fork formal procedure tandem exploding moral aptitude and the words stop formationally diagrammatic flagellation is a key component in the artificing of stoic pig systems where an individual can create an excess of greek letters and spelling errors tasty pie made of artificial safety tape replicas of the Nigerian moon navy added to sport agonization election erection completion sporulation moralspeculation formulation of the chemical structure of evil cole slaw surpassed compressed possessed coalesced egressed redressed molest protest expressed compressed gas that is noninflammable unlike dense water that exploits uneducated worked class intelligentsia who eat two many earlobes while throwing together everything else that matters in a colloquial aorta explosion outside the flight membrane of overeaten soft pulp which has been seen to formulate a diagram in which all species are created better than lower quality submersible vaccines machines have taken over, everyone is a robot and dogs are zombies that want to eat your brain creating a chain of pain ensuing in Maine on a train that fell from a plane through a window pane lifted by a crane run by a man who is insanely inane in the rain on a plain from Spain on a highway of one lane and such is my bane so I walk with a cane so doth the moon want under the lion's mane while the blood is slow in my one vein of iron ore smelted and carbonized to make a stolen car bomb out of the penguin revolution in the fifth millennia which can not be confused with the walrus revolution that followed shortly before the vehicles due date was born out of the head of a short-sighted mongoose eating the cobra tail of life explosive degradation woot woot of the tertiary membrane results in the extrication of the somnomblaic salad fish where folded entities are concerned form replicates fractional divergence in the realm of metasystematic irrelevance good golly green gamma golf gorge gouge out the eyes of failure reinterpret malevolent democratic principles without regard for the malnutrition of wellbeing intransient stoic optimism in the face of omniscience transient metabolic separation residue left on the cork of the wine bottle that is life on the other side of existence is existence where some people forever return to the same location where they were not in the past sense of the extrapolation of a rabbit's hoof cooked host more felt in the veldt on the rainfield of sage crop Poland the photo against the wall where we push the box purifying Aunt Jemima's gray hoodie noun eats fish shoots lemon writes orbit flys spatula complements the lawn gnome emperor rules over the realm of funk is sometimes wrong about conflagration of single cored hair tonic water and juniper excretion in the world of post processed phage system in the important issue of helicopter surveillance monkey wrench wench clench drench quench your molten gas chamber of time shifted ligand solar power trivial heresy unappreciated multiplicative oversimplification transubstantiative malodiferositous bowl of porridge promiscuity is the spectacular issue from which we derive safety synaptic diflurgation expansion system explode node electrode fibril twill quill swill nil hill fill bill still gill semiotic dinosaur blizzard blizzard blizzard blizzard blizzard blizzard blizzard blizzard blizzard four two a double bookkeeper sweeper ringer big numbers explode while you ignore the background system when you don't try hard enough in exploiting the way in which the universe eats fish to keep your mother on task when she starts to worry about gopher expansion itself sleeping through the era era era era tax fraud is a highly technical process often used to cook ducks faster but they must still eat their own feathers for analytic purposes analyze in disguise with these guys who eat flies in two tries with a spoon my government is ruled by flying spatulas that desire the consumable portions of your holistic environment with two and one half assault helicopters being artfully flown by spasming archery doves on the wings of blurry vision causing coagulation in the extracellular direction we take to have important ramifications on exploding dolphin fish dog log tortilla shell smell malleable governance through tyranny is impelled towards overt justification of jurisprudence in the flying trial system lacking overtures in the third movement of the fourth expansion testing trying flying buying vying for air superiority in the Indian Ocean so we can purchase all the emu ranches with special sauce loss and gain comparison of polyurethane explain train conductor insulator in an insular society of frozen monks eat pie all day long stopping as soon as they lose their faith in firearms and firelegs in the less extreme case where cannibalism grips the youth of the nation likes the trailing flight more than the leading one rolling death in Vegas to collect grocery bags for your favorite hobby shop to purchase new machinery so that we can hold the death on a stick hands of old ladies while they cross the ocean in municipalities from which we have long since been exiled for salad ballad quiescence he's always interfering with my grand designs the man in the mirror is an evil son of a cheap Vietnamese whore and I will kill the bastard wipe the smug smile off his face then there will be no one left to stand in the way of my plans but first I have to find him at a time when he's not wearing that magic power belt that he always has on his nose soon dominion over the land of man shall be mine and then I will build many casinos to take all the money from Indian telemarketing agents and the GOD YEAH!!! DO IT!!! ALMOST...ALMOST... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! outsourcing will be mine along so I can eat all the spinach that I want and wipe cod fish from the face of the planet as we will no longer need them to feed our robot armies in the distant past when space fish roamed the skies of all unknown clone monkeys in the North Sea clown industrial complex this is a very big word indeed and do not let its small size confuse you as I take the last remnants of what remains away from the concept to ensure that anarchy is indeed the answer to the myriad of political problems that have come about over the past few moments while the fools have been consuming their one and only savior while traveling a truly stupendous distance in one single leap a terrific bound across non-geometric awesome in a can shapes that can no more be seen than comprehended by the likes of man who in his head is also woman but will not admit his state to the dog that buffalos his leg in a four pronged attack meant to demoralize the enemy long enough for the cephalopods to regain a ruling majority in the council of animals and overtly remove the usurpers from their throne as to once again allow the lord master kraken to eat some tasty treats as he is quite fond of doing while lazing about on a quiet Sunday afternoon. The Devil's poisonous play things! Unholy whip pinchers I got cheese pixies in a barn, what should i do? OoOoO i know i'm gonna bumgee jump like a hippo puppet parkour style! OooOoOoO chakra chakra chakra wanna farm? rrra rrraaa rrrraaaaaa...wha? sorry, saladfigers caught my tongue with a kitty puppet....reeeeoooow! I want pie, i want to be a pie! I woke up wrapped in a torillla yesterday smothered in hot sause, what should i do? or was that yesterday...in a dream? OooOOOoOoO I see ghost munchkins in the air and they don't like you, they want to devour your soul! It's the revenge of the eaten sweets! OoOoOoO EEEP! Jakers! adventures of Peter Petrelli, where's the goofy hair? I ate it! aaahahahahaha I'm emo, I don't know who I am and i'm an over grown adolescent about to explode! AAAAH! -.- Now i'm an egghead...eeeek where's my yoke? Oh forgot, i'm Gir dog and i need room for the tuna! I miss cupcake though...OoOoO BUUUURRRIIIIITOOOOOOS! Giggidy giggidy goo bull's eye! ...Oh look an alien! ooops that was tim allen takeing a leap on a flying donut....MMmmm donut....D'OH! I like to smell watermelons. Welcome to veggietales where i sell my jucies and my.....and my....hubahubahbubha bubba...[has seizures].......I believe i can die! flying on a custard pie in the sky! I am all starry eyed! EEEEk my eyes are gonnna pop out EEEEpers! i look like kermit the froggy eeeep! i wanna see mickey mouse! he'll know what to do!!! He'll give me more coffeeeeeee

wheeeeeeeeheeeeeeheheeeeeeeeee.....huh? Tic Tac patty whack! Homo erectus got lovely bones, Hugh Laurie went rolling home! Hey! Santa is gonna eat you with his mittens! RUUUUUN! AAAAAH! am i the only one who thinks the nephilim myth about angels abducting pretty ladies into the air is disturbingly erotic? Oh wait, i'm not horny, i'm constipated! AAAH! My goodies fell off! Oh wait it was my poop...it was the poopiest poop that never existed....oh my! I see ding dungs!

Foot wrenches can align quite precisly, despite what the liberal media will claim. However, your soul needs peanutbuttery goodness on irregular intervals, sometimes on Thursday. If you are in need of a certified dermapathologist call your bookie, as he is a reputable dealer. My foot's asleep. For the love of my ass stop staring! It burns! Who do you think you are, what with the fancy dinet set and CD tray. I have found it is fun to play games of the video type, and eat pie. YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. pie. Pie good mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm narwhal pants in a happy happy place. yyyyyeeeeeeessssss. This was an intermission opposed to an outermission.

The Goddess is laughing at you from her distant celestial moon Where are my pants? WHERE ARE MY PANTS!?! They must have stolen my pants. I know they did, don't deny it.

Haha that snoopy... I'm a manatee :-) yes well mhm then well you see I was walking yesterday well ... I think I was walking was I walking I'm not sure, but I think I was walking or was I running? I'm not sure and then there was this dog in my cheese ... Well at least I thought it was a dog it looked like a dog it might have been a dog or was it a cat it might have been a cat or was it a bird you never know, but I think it was a dog or was it a cat it might have been a cat but I'm pretty sure it was a bird or was it a dog in my cheese? Well anyway I said to Big Bird you have to just stop touching the little kids it scares them leave that to the catholic priests. It was the summer of 1943 24 kids go into the water Duck in the water 14 kids go out the water, George Bush he take the rest....

Damn I dropped my pen where'd my pen go I dropped my pen THEY STOLE MY PEN!! I DROPPED MY PEN WHERE'D IT GO!!!

Oh there it is, thank you. Aren't you a nice hedgehog my pen. Anyway, what I was thinking when I was thinking about what I was thinking just now was how I thought I'd think about what I was thinking about rather than think about things I hadn't even thought of thinking about. But since I can't think straight, I have to think crooked, and that's no good, is it? But when I was thinking about thoughts... Wait where's my thoughts? As a matter of fact, where's my frontal lobe?

I wonder if it was the carrots. How could it be the carrots, they say that they like me and I'm their friend. They always tell me that they like me but I've been starting to wonder. Just because the carrots tell me that they like me doesn't mean that the necessarily do. It might just mean that the carrots hate me and are lying to me when they say that they like me. I guess really, it comes down to a question of doomwhether I am better at detecting whether the carrots like me or are lying to me about liking me than the carrots are at lying to me about liking me if they don't like me. So, if I think that the carrots like me, then either the carrots do like me and my ability to discern whether or not the carrots are lying to me about whether or not they like me in relation to the carrots ability to lie to me about whether or not they like me is of relatively little consequence or it happens to be the case that the carrots don't like withme and my ability to discern whether or not the carrots are lying to me about whether or not they like me is inferior to the carrots ability to lie to me about whether or not they like me. I wonder if it was the carrots. friesOr was it the tomatoes? It could have been the tomatoes you know how they get when they're canned psycho little buggers they be, aye they are the almight tomatoes flee!!! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES or they'll get you....

The penguins never gave me this kind of trouble they raised like I was one of their own..well that was until the fatefull grue inccident....

And so my friends, today you ask why I have asked you to come here. Well here is why comrades! A new day is arising. A DAY WITHOUT DAIRY. For too long we have suffered under the oppression of these evil, tyrannical monsters! Let us join together, brothers, and purge the sin from among ye! A dairy cleansing! Find every slice of butter, cup of milk, pail of ice cream, AND DESTROY IT! LET US MARCH!

I used to be funnier before ... FUNNIER BEFORE I TELL YOU ..FUNNiER BEFORE!!!!!!!!! ARGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!.... ok..................NARWALLS!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!