The Review/Adult Stories/The Devils Daughter
From Create Your Own Story
DirtyMeStoryTime's review of The Devils Daughter:
Nothing reviewed yet. Sorry, this is over 600 pages. It will take a while. I will make notes on here as I go.
Some random grammar mistakes, some more obvious than others. Editor may need to touch up the pages and correct the mistakes, then it would not detract as much as it currently does.
Author tries to use extensive descriptions.
Some red links early on.
Sort of an object oriented feel towards it so far, but given the nature of the main character, and the focus on lust and physical things, rather than on who a person is, that sort of fits the story. Language is very male oriented.
Does the author know that not all women "squirt"?
Hmm, I don't think a school would accept the kind of dress seen in part of the story, not from a teacher. To train your teacher and try to turn her into a sex object is one thing, but the way the conservative teacher goes from conservative to some over the top DOM is too much. The author should have eased a bit more into it. And to randomly have the students raped, and think no consequences would happen, is also not believable. It is just too much too quickly.
Entering a girl in a "Single thrust", wet or not, would not make her feel horny with lust. Even when wet, unless the guy is also somehow lubricated, that would still rip and tear the vaginal walls, and hurt like fuck. I don't think it would really be that comfortable for the guy either, given how much damage it can do to a vagina. Also, women do not suddenly decide to "love it" when they are being raped. They might act submissive as a way of self preservation, to try to convince the guy if they have no choice, to at least do as little damage as possible, but to "love it" because the man is so big and manly will not change a female's mental switch like that...
Also, the vaginal canal actually has very few nerve endings. As for anal, without lube? The lubrication from the other girl will not work like that...
Lots of mistaking impassioned kiss for loving kiss.
Pools of cum would not preserve like that. It actually goes rank after a short time. Trust me, I have researched it, given my "Cum bathtub" fantasy...don't ask. It will not be part of the review...
Some jumps in story elements, like you are suddenly wearing shoes when you were completely naked before, or someone who was male suddenly becomes "she".
A man being "Controlling" does not make a girl instantly want to submit. The author's point of view appears to be "A good dicking solves everything"...
I have two different perspectives on this story.
1. From a pure "as an editor" review.
The author does a good job giving descriptions in his story, but in his attempts to overdescribe, starts detracting, especially given the spelling and grammatical mistakes. From a pure story flow perspective, a good editor would help eliminate these mistakes so they would no longer detract from the story elements while reading. There are also a few inconsistencies, men suddenly becoming she, the main character suddenly wearing shoes while the page before she was completely naked, but for the most part the author keeps it fairly consistent. While there are many, many pages (Over 600 at the time of this review), there are many red links. Most of the endings are bad endings for the main character, and going through it, I have never seen a good ending. While reading, be prepared to use the back key frequently. While the core of the story is consistent, I would say the story itself follows very little consistency, outside of the main satanist area. It sometimes feels like a jumble of different stories all mixed together in one voice. Other character's personalities jump from one extreme to another, creating a break in any understanding towards the other characters. While you might be able to feel yourself in the shoes of something, the sudden change pulls you back out and lose the understanding. From a character development standpoint, most of the characters are shallow cliches.
2. From a "female perspective" review.
This is where it gets much more of the negative criticism. While from an editorial standpoint, the story could be much better with nothing but some path completion and a good editor to fix all the little mistakes, from a female reader perspective the story is much worse. The story strikes me as multiple, female exploiting Japanese adult anime videos all rolled into one. This is what I mean above by the characters being cliches. They seem to just be a written cliche found in most Japanese anime porn. One of the most common themes is female submission to males simply through the power of the males penis. Many scenes show the woman will become a willing "sex addict" once she experiences the males dick. The author paints women as one thing: a hole for others to use. Also, the author talks about "sexual deviation", but still focuses almost exclusively on either Male/Female or Female/Female. I had found one male/male, and this involved a male and a tiger, so I still had not found a male on male. While there are lots of scene developments, we see little character developments. There is no real growth to any of the characters, or anything really different about the characters other than seeing how they may react differently.
Rating: Again, two ratings. If you are looking for an extreme sex story, then sure, give this a go. The grammar may be distracting, but it is still very readable. I do recommend fixing any mistakes you see as you read though, since fixing will make it flow much better. However, I personally do not recommend it if you want something other than a pure, female humiliation/domination oriented story, as there is very little evidence of a plot. There is a plot, but it is quickly in the main characters instant gratification.
