Create Your Own Story - User contributions [en]

Portal

2013-09-25T17:56:19Z

Harry Portalman:

Hi. Welcome to the Tourism Oversight Committee. We are glad you have chosen us for your multiversal travel needs. If you require anything, please let the front desk know. Just a word of caution before you go: Some portals lead to hostile environments. TOC cannot be held responsible for loss of life, limb, sanity, health, or any manner of fruits you may have brought with you. As always, Portal 676 is off-limits.

To start you out on your journey through time and space, we are equipping you with the following items:

One laser baton, for defensive purposes only.

One Medkit, just in case.

And one Multiversal Positioning System, or MPS, for finding new portals later on in your journey. Where would you like to go first?

Portal 101

2011-08-30T16:33:09Z

Harry Portalman:

Portal 101 holds the worst thing in the universe. Panicking, you open your Medkit and feel around for a few pills to ease your fears. After swallowing them, you find your brain flowing with fierce, positive energy. Wielding mighty telepathic powers, you dispel the demons dwelling within this strange dimension and transform it into a paradise of pink skies and rock-candy mountains. Of course, the rock-candy mountains attract giant flies, but the flies are strict candy-vores, so that's ok.

You rule here in your perfect dimension for 1000 years. Then you decide to explore other portals nearby.

[[Portal 11]]

[[Portal 5]]

[[Portal 8]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Eat laser and die!

2011-08-30T16:32:19Z

Harry Portalman:

You blast the dragon, but dragons are laser-proof. Just as the beast is about to blast you with firebreath, your MPS alerts you to two portals located underneath the dragon's left talon. You dive for:

[[Portal 101]]

[[Portal 42]]

[[Category: Portal]]

I'm fine here

2011-08-30T16:25:58Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'You decide to go home and take a nap. When you wake up, you watch some TV. Then you go have dinner with your parents at a fun Chinese restaurant. It's a good day. THE END [[…'

You decide to go home and take a nap. When you wake up, you watch some TV. Then you go have dinner with your parents at a fun Chinese restaurant. It's a good day.

THE END

[[Category: Portal]]

I think I'll blow you up. How about that?

2011-08-30T16:24:26Z

Harry Portalman:

You draw your laser baton and say, "I don't know. I don't trust anything that eats its own poo." With a snarl, the old man turns back into a wolf and leaps for you. You fry it with your laser baton, but not before getting a nasty gash on your arm. The other wolves approach you, rear up, and leap forward. One by one, you shoot them down. You kick one in the jaw and punch another in the side. You blast four more, but the remaining three bound off into the night.

Leaning against a tree, you use your Medkit to bandage up your arm. You don't feel so hot.

Then a beam of light shines down, and a dark-skinned woman descends from the sky. She's dressed in a silver robe and wears a conical hat embroidered with golden stars and moons.

"Hello," she says. "I see you are injured. Allow me."

She lifts her arm and a beam of light hits you, healing your wound instantly. The bandages sizzle and fade away.

"You ran the risk of infection. I had to do something," she says, explaining. You shrug.

"Thanks," you say. "How did you do that?"

"Space magic," she replies.

You smile and say:

[[Can you teach me?]]

OR

"Cool. Catch you later." And you walk back toward [[Portal 13]].

[[Category: Portal]]

Ask for a sky-craft

2011-08-30T16:20:33Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'Congratulations! You now have a black skycraft that is somehow fitted for both human and bug-man use. You fly through the whirling clouds and floating islands of this strange wo…'

Congratulations! You now have a black skycraft that is somehow fitted for both human and bug-man use. You fly through the whirling clouds and floating islands of this strange world. "Now this is pod-racing!" you exclaim, knowing full well how incredibly dumb that sounds. You see two locals on a blue land-runner evading a large, red skycraft on a desert island in the distance. Of course, you think you'd like to explore the darkness at the bottom of the gravity bubble or the lighter areas above you.

[[Into the Light]]

[[Into Darkness and Shadow]]

[[Help the kids on the land-runner]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Ask to meet the Hive Queen

2011-08-30T16:15:43Z

Harry Portalman:

Four of the bug-men take off in their sky-craft, while you go with the fifth bug-man to the palace of the Hive Queen. It turns out, the bug-men live in the stone dwellings carved in the undersides of the floating islands. He brings you to one of the larger ones. After landing, he guides you to a large chamber where an enormous bug-thing sits on a nest of eggs, honey, and slime.

"Our queen will be so pleased you have come," your guide says. "You shall be honored and remembered as a hero for countless generations!"

You step closer for a better look at the humming, bloated thing that the bug-men call a queen. She has eighteen eyes, each one more yellow than the last, and her mouth is a mass of feelers and mandibles. Her body is green and pale and has eighteen short tentacles which are probably vestigial limbs. At her far end, a pile of broken bug-men lie covered in yellow discharge. "Those are her other suitors. Brave bug-men who have given their lives for the Hive," your guide explains.

You reach for your laser baton. You finally understand the bug-man's choice of words -- a "meeting" with the Hive Queen. You thought you might get a reward. Maybe another quest, but that's not what he meant, is it? Your guide places his hand at the back of your neck, and you feel a sharp prick, then nothing. A neurotoxin. Oh, cripes. More bug-men approach and strip you of your clothes and equipment. They bring you close to the Hive Queen, who raises herself with her vestigial limbs. You find yourself stuck to her slimy underbelly, as the mass of miniscule feelers there bring you closer and closer to her. You close your eyes and try to think of England.

THE END

[[Category:Portal]]

Ask to meet the Hive Queen

2011-08-30T16:07:45Z

Harry Portalman:

Four of the bug-men take off in their sky-craft, while you go with the fifth bug-man to the palace of the Hive Queen. It turns out, the bug-men live in the stone dwellings carved in the undersides of the floating islands. He brings you to one of the larger ones. After landing, he guides you to a large chamber where an enormous bug-thing sits on a nest of eggs, honey, and slime.

"Our queen will be so pleased you have come," your guide says. "You shall be honored and remembered as a hero for countless generations!"

You step closer for a better look at the humming, bloated thing that the bug-men call a queen. She has eighteen eyes, each one more yellow than the last, and her mouth is a mass of feelers and mandibles. Her body is green and pale and has eighteen short tentacles which are probably vestigial limbs. At her far end, she carries a load of squirming bug-men in a sac of yellow discharge. "Those are her other suitors. The brave bug-men offer their lives for the Hive," your guide explains.

You reach for your laser baton. You finally understand the bug-man's choice of words -- a "meeting" with the Hive Queen. You thought you might get a reward. Maybe another quest, but that's not what he meant, is it? Your guide places his hand at the back of your neck, and you feel a sharp prick, then nothing. A neurotoxin. Oh, cripes. More bug-men approach and strip you of your clothes and equipment and throw you upon the yellow sac. The slime envelopes you, as you join the other bug-men in perfect unity with the Hive Queen. You only hope she's gentle. It's your first time, after all.

THE END

[[Category:Portal]]

Ask to meet the Hive Queen

2011-08-30T16:07:06Z

Harry Portalman:

Four of the bug-men take off in their sky-craft, while you go with the fifth bug-man to the palace of the Hive Queen. It turns out, the bug-men live in the stone dwellings carved in the undersides of the floating islands. He brings you to one of the larger ones. After landing, he guides you to a large chamber where an enormous bug-thing sits on a nest of eggs, honey, and slime. Bug-men help coax their young into hatching by singing over the eggs.

"Our queen will be so pleased you have come," your guide says. "You shall be honored and remembered as a hero for countless generations!"

You step closer for a better look at the humming, bloated thing that the bug-men call a queen. She has eighteen eyes, each one more yellow than the last, and her mouth is a mass of feelers and mandibles. Her body is green and pale and covered in short tentacles which are probably vestigial limbs. At her far end, she carries a load of squirming bug-men in a sac of yellow discharge. "Those are her other suitors. The brave bug-men offer their lives for the Hive," your guide explains.

You reach for your laser baton. You finally understand the bug-man's choice of words -- a "meeting" with the Hive Queen. You thought you might get a reward. Maybe another quest, but that's not what he meant, is it? Your guide places his hand at the back of your neck, and you feel a sharp prick, then nothing. A neurotoxin. Oh, cripes. More bug-men approach and strip you of your clothes and equipment and throw you upon the yellow sac. The slime envelopes you, as you join the other bug-men in perfect unity with the Hive Queen. You only hope she's gentle. It's your first time, after all.

THE END

[[Category:Portal]]

Shoot First

2011-08-30T16:04:53Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'There is...a firefight! You dive behind the couch and start blasting away. One of the madness yous is there, slinging insanity orbs at the rapist and vampire yous across the …'

There is...a firefight!

You dive behind the couch and start blasting away. One of the madness yous is there, slinging insanity orbs at the rapist and vampire yous across the way. A female you is also behind the couch, firing at the goldfish you and Nazi yous on the staircase. Ape You comes in and screams in fright, but before he can get away, he's gunned down by fifteen of the leprechaun yous. A green-skinned you from a land with no boundaries knocks and arrow to his bow and says, "How the heck are we gonna get out of this one?"

Your response:
[["With luck!]]

[["An overloaded laser baton."]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Wooden shack, you say? Mysterious!

2011-08-30T15:59:33Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'You walk over to the shack. It is has a tin roof, and there's glitter on the front porch. You go inside and join a group of men and women dancing and singing along to a kickin'…'

You walk over to the shack. It is has a tin roof, and there's glitter on the front porch. You go inside and join a group of men and women dancing and singing along to a kickin' rock band playing at the far end of the shack. "Welcome to the Sha-a-a-ack!" one of the men screams to you over the loud music. You nod, not wanting to strain your voice over the music.

[[Party on down]]

[[Go use the restroom]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Portal 99

2011-08-30T15:56:36Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'You head for Portal 99 and land in a puddle of green sludge. You get up and wipe the slime off yourself and look around. The sky above is red and cloudy, and the land around yo…'

You head for Portal 99 and land in a puddle of green sludge. You get up and wipe the slime off yourself and look around. The sky above is red and cloudy, and the land around you seems composed of some type of green sludge. Hill after hill of green sludge ranges into the distance. "Hey!" someone calls. You turn and see a version of Yourself: This one made of madness and horror. "I just came from a strange party, man," the madness You says. "What about you?" As you're about to reply, great tentacles reach out of the slime and devour the madness You with a startling array of tiny mouths and hooked beaks.

[[Run]]

[[Laser the tentacles]]

[[Run some more]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Talk with the most normal version of You

2011-08-30T15:53:07Z

Harry Portalman:

You find You have a lot to say once you get You going. You have a truly delightful conversation. You both share the same interests, likes, and dislikes. You offer to get You a cup of punch, and You admit You are parched. As you're making your way back to You with the cups of punch, you let out a shriek of horror. It turns out, this You isn't all You're cracked up to be. This You is like you in so many ways; it's true, but you would never, ever eat human flesh! You drop the cups in shock as you watch You chow down on a human hand.

"Oh," You says, noticing the stares from all the other yous. "Yeah," You say, "I'm the...er...the version of you that is a cannibal." The centaur-yous and the shuddering mass of horror yous run from the room to vomit, while the yous that are feline, stupid, or reptilian just applaud and talk about how very enlightened and modern it is for You to be a cannibal.

The yous that are more conservative immediately draw their laser pistols and blast Cannibal You into oblivion. The more liberal yous were slower on the draw. Some of you think the killing was justified. After all, You were a cannibal! But others of you are vampires, murderers, and rapists, while others are pacifists, warriors, and aliens from slime dimensions. Suddenly, you look around at all of you and realize what's about to go down. Each of you slowly draws his/her/its/their laser batons.

[[Shoot First]]

[[Ask Questions]]

Your MPS gives a beep.

[[Portal 99]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Lounge

2011-08-30T15:50:56Z

Harry Portalman:

In the lounge, you see a vast array of alternate "you's." Some are sitting around a circular table, playing cards and munching on chips. Two or three of Ape-You's relatives greet you and offer some snacks and soda pop. You see other versions of you walking about, holding glasses of wine. Still more are descending from the staircase in the corner of the room. One exits the bathroom just as you approach the table. You introduce yourself.

Many of the alternate you's are humans, like yourself. Some have darker skin, others have lighter skin. Some are male, others female. A few are cyclopes, while at least three are identical to you, except they have tails.

Some of you aren't human at all. Some are reptilian, others feline. Three are centaurs. Three or four are only a few centimeters tall, while others have to duck to avoid hitting the ceiling. One of you is a sentient, walking tree, while another seems to be made of madness and horror. One appears to be a tiny goldfish inside an elaborate containment suit.

[[Talk with the most normal version of You]]

[[Talk with Goldfish-You]]

[[Talk with the You Made of Madness and Horror]]

[[Talk with one of the female-yous]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Politely refuse and ask the nearby officer for your phone call

2011-08-30T15:49:21Z

Harry Portalman:

The police officer shrugs and hands you the phone. Thinking fast, you decide to call your own phone number. Logically, it should belong to the Ape-Universe version of you. If your ape-self is as polite and helpful as you are, perhaps you'll gain an ally?

The phone rings four times, and you start to panic. Finally, you get an answer.

"Hello?" says the voice.

"Hi..." you say. You ask to speak with yourself.

"That's me...what's up? Who is this?" asks Ape-You.

You quickly explain the situation to Ape-You. You can hear Ape-You stifle a laugh. "Oh, gosh. Again, huh?" Ape-You says. Ape-You explains how other versions of yourself had been calling Ape-You all week. "Just wait two seconds," Ape-You says, "I'll be right there."

Ape-You arrives, pays for your bail, and escorts you into a Porsche Boxster. Climbing into the driver's seat, Ape-You waits for you to buckle your seat belt, and then you're off.

"See, our universe doesn't have anything like the TOC you belong to. In this universe, I...er...you...well, we inherited a large amount of money from my...er...our grandfather. He founded Travicom, you see."

Noting the confused look on your face, Ape-You explains. "It's a telecommunications conglomerate. Analogous to your Time-Warner, I believe."

You nod. You've heard of them. Soon, Ape-You pulls up in front of a mansion and parks in the driveway. As you exit the vehicle, Ape-You makes some suggestions for what you could do next:

[[There's a man in the kitchen who might be your father]]

"On the other hand," Ape-You explains, "many of your alternate versions are sitting in the lounge trading stories."

[[Lounge]]

"I believe one or two of them mentioned a portal nearby, as well." You check the MPS. Sure enough, Portal 13 is nearby.

[[Portal 13]]

[[Category:Portal]]

Ok. Let's call up your brother

2011-08-30T15:47:15Z

Harry Portalman:

You agree to this second ape's proposal. You learn his name is Eddie. Eddie makes his phone call, and soon his brother appears. Eddie's brother, Dr. Simons, is more than happy to post your bail, as he is intrigued by the stories of your travels. After showing him your MPS and laser baton, he writes a check to the police officers, rewarding them for their find. Then he takes you and Eddie with him to his car, and together you head for the college. It turns out, this college is part of a larger university, one that does not exist in your version of Earth.

Dr. Simons parks outside of the College of Geology's main building. It's a red brick building near a grove of tall oak trees. Younger apes wearing jeans and carrying stacks of books walk along the sidewalk. Some older apes in tweed jackets and corduroys come forward to shake your hand, excited to meet a human for the first time. You, Eddie, and Dr. Simons enter the building and take the elevator to the basement. Dr. Simons explains his mission:

"We in the Geology Department have long suspected the existence of a subterranean civilization below our own. We have recently discovered an ancient system of caves holding numerous temples and relics from Earth's distant past. We think it might be the outliers of an ancient human civilization that could still exist today."

"Will you come with us?" Eddie asks. "Will you help us explore these caves?"

"We think...if we come across any humans...you might be a welcome sign to them. They could see we mean them no harm," Dr. Simons says.

[[Politely decline]]

[[Agree to Journey Beneath the Planet of the Apes]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Talk with the most normal version of You

2011-07-20T02:42:57Z

Harry Portalman:

You find You have a lot to say once you get You going. You have a truly delightful conversation. You both share the same interests, likes, and dislikes. You offer to get You a cup of punch, and You admit You are parched. As you're making your way back to You with the cups of punch, you let out a shriek of horror. It turns out, this You isn't all You're cracked up to be. This You is like you in so many ways; it's true, but you would never, ever eat human flesh! You drop the cups in shock as you watch You chow down on a human hand.

"Oh," You says, noticing the stares from all the other yous. "Yeah," You say, "I'm the...er...the version of you that is a cannibal." The centaur-yous and the shuddering mass of horror yous run from the room to vomit, while the yous that are feline, stupid, or reptilian just applaud and talk about how very enlightened and modern it is for You to be a cannibal.

Of course, the yous that are more conservative immediately draw their laser pistols and blast Cannibal You into oblivion. Though to be honest, the more liberal yous were just slower on the draw. Some of You think the killing was justified. After all, You were a cannibal! But others of You are vampires, murderers, and rapists, and the rest of You are pacifists, warriors, and aliens from slime dimensions. Suddenly, you look around at all of You and realize what's about to go down. Each of You slowly draws his/her/its/their laser batons.

[[Shoot First]]

[[Ask Questions]]

Your MPS gives a beep.

[[Portal 99]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Talk with the most normal version of You

2011-07-19T17:43:35Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'You find You have a lot to say once you get You going. You have a truly delightful conversation. You both share the same interests, likes, and dislikes. You offer to get You a…'

You find You have a lot to say once you get You going. You have a truly delightful conversation. You both share the same interests, likes, and dislikes. You offer to get You a cup of punch, and You admit You are parched. As you're making your way back to You with the cups of punch, you let out a shriek of horror. It turns out, this You isn't all You're cracked up to be. This You is like you in so many ways; it's true, but you would never, ever eat human flesh! You drop the cups in shock as you watch You chow down on a human hand.

"Oh," You says, noticing the stares from all the other yous. "Yeah," You say, "I'm the...er...the version of you that is a cannibal." The centaur-yous and the shuddering mass of horror yous run from the room to vomit, while the yous that are feline, stupid, or reptilian just applaud and talk about how very enlightened and modern it is for You to be a cannibal.

Of course, the yous that are more conservative immediately draw their laser pistols and blast Cannibal You into oblivion. Though to be honest, the more liberal yous were just slower on the draw. Some of You think the killing was justified. After all, You were a cannibal! But others of You are vampires, murderers, and rapists, and the rest of You are pacifists, warriors, and aliens from slime dimensions. Suddenly, you look around at all of You and realize what's about to go down. Each of You slowly draws his/her/its/their laser batons.

[[Test Your Might!]]

[[Grab Ape-You and get the hell outta there!]].

Your MPS gives a beep. It's the only sound in the room. The calm -- somewhat annoying -- beeping before the storm warning sirens.

[[Portal 99]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Lounge

2011-07-19T17:33:11Z

Harry Portalman:

Ask to meet the Hive Queen

2011-07-19T17:29:04Z

Harry Portalman:

Four of the bug-men take off in their sky-craft, while you go with the fifth bug-man to the palace of the Hive Queen. It turns out, the bug-men live in the stone dwellings carved in the undersides of the floating islands. He brings you to one of the larger ones. After landing, he guides you to a large chamber where an enormous bug-thing sits on a nest of eggs, honey, and slime. Bug-men help coax their young into hatching by pouring honey over the eggs.

"Our queen will be so pleased you have come," your guide says. "You shall be honored and remembered as a hero for countless generations!"

You step closer for a better look at the humming, bloated thing that the bug-men call a queen. She has eighteen eyes, each one more yellow than the last, and her mouth is a mass of feelers and mandibles. Her body is green and pale and covered in short tentacles which are probably vestigial limbs. At her far end, she carries a load of squirming bug-men in a sac of yellow discharge. "Those are her other suitors. The brave bug-men offer their lives for the Hive," your guide explains.

You reach for your laser baton. You finally understand the bug-man's choice of words -- a "meeting" with the Hive Queen. You thought you might get a reward. Maybe another quest, but that's not what he meant, is it? Your guide places his hand at the back of your neck, and you feel a sharp prick, then nothing. A neurotoxin. Oh, cripes. More bug-men approach and strip you of your clothes and equipment and throw you upon the yellow sac. The slime envelopes you, as you join the other bug-men in perfect unity with the Hive Queen. You only hope she's gentle. It's your first time, after all.

THE END

[[Category:Portal]]

Help the pursued

2011-07-19T17:28:37Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'You fire your laser baton at the black craft, hitting three and causing the fourth to spin out. The fifth craft flies off before you can get off another shot. Two of the silver…'

You fire your laser baton at the black craft, hitting three and causing the fourth to spin out. The fifth craft flies off before you can get off another shot. Two of the silver sky-ships continue their flight, while a third lands nearby. You're surprised at how little noise the ship makes, since it's so large up close.

A beautiful woman in sheer pink tunic emerges from the ship. She has long, blonde hair and curvy hips and a great personality. While you admire her, you see a man in a sheer blue tunic join her on the isle's rocky surface. He has black hair and stark, blue eyes. He is handsome and muscular and also has a great personality. He has a rifle slung on his back and a short sword sheathed at his side. Neither of them are wearing any underwear. You can tell.

"What ho!" the man says. "Are you with the Tourism Oversight Committee?"

You nod. It turns out the man -- an Englishman named Jonathan -- stumbled through a portal on his thirteenth birthday, and has been adventuring in this strange world for the past twenty years.

"It's been a bit rough, I won't lie," he says. "But I've become a champion here. This is my wife, Princess Eva. She doesn't say much, and she's always getting kidnapped, but she is very pretty, you know!"

Princess Eva curtsies, revealing a bit more than you believe she intended. "You are welcome in our home," the princess says. Your MPS starts to beep again. Criminy. You walk over to the edge of the island. Sure enough, there are two portals within jumping distance of the island to the west.

[[Portal 2]]

[[Portal 15]]

[[Go with Princess Eva and Jonathan]]

[[Category:Portal]]

Ask to meet the Hive Queen

2011-07-19T17:21:39Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'Four of the bug-men take off in their sky-craft, while you go with the fifth bug-man to the palace of the Hive Queen. It turns out, the bug-men live in the stone dwellings carve…'

Four of the bug-men take off in their sky-craft, while you go with the fifth bug-man to the palace of the Hive Queen. It turns out, the bug-men live in the stone dwellings carved in the undersides of the floating islands. He brings you to one of the larger ones. After landing, he guides you to a large chamber where an enormous bug-thing sits on a nest of eggs, honey, and slime. Bug-men help coax their young into hatching by pouring honey over the eggs.

"Our queen will be so pleased you have come," your guide says. "You shall be honored and remembered as a hero for countless generations!"

You step closer for a better look at the humming, bloated thing that the bug-men call a queen. She has eighteen eyes, each one more yellow than the last, and her mouth is a mass of feelers and mandibles. Her body is green and pale and covered in short tentacles which are probably vestigial limbs. At her far end, she carries a load of squirming bug-men in a sac of yellow discharge. "Those are her other suitors. The brave bug-men offer their lives for the Hive," your guide explains.

You reach for your laser baton. You finally understand the bug-man's choice of words -- a "meeting" with the Hive Queen. You thought you might get a reward. Maybe another quest, but that's not what he meant, is it? Your guide places his hand at the back of your neck, and you feel a sharp prick, then nothing. A neurotoxin. Oh, cripes. More bug-men approach and strip you of your clothes and equipment and throw you upon the yellow sac. The slime envelopes you, as you join the other bug-men in perfect unity with the Hive Queen. You only hope she's gentle. It's your first time, after all.

THE END

Help the pursuers

2011-07-19T17:01:47Z

Harry Portalman:

You fire at the three pursued craft, hitting one, allowing for the other two to succumb to their pursuers' fire. The five black craft head for your location and land nearby. Five bug-men appear in the doorways of the craft and approach you.

"Well met, friend," says the leader. "My name is Commander Gleep-Norb. Thank you for helping us destroy those terrible pirates. They'd been terrorizing the Inner Isles for months."

"Is there anything we can do for you?" one of the bug-men asks.

"I'm sure the Hive Queen would love to meet you," a third bug-man offers.

"I think our guest would prefer one of our sky-crafts," another bug-man says.

"As long as we don't have to go back to the Island of Golden Delight," says the fifth bug-man. "That place gives me the creeps!"

[[Ask for a sky-craft]]

[[Ask to meet the Hive Queen]]

[[The Island of Golden Delight sounds awesome]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Sink!

2011-07-19T16:58:54Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'Ingenious! You remember that old story about secret entrances to the Underworld being found in the sand pits of Gennak VII, the Jungle Planet. You close your eyes and wait as t…'

Ingenious! You remember that old story about secret entrances to the Underworld being found in the sand pits of Gennak VII, the Jungle Planet. You close your eyes and wait as the sand envelopes you. It's getting harder and harder to breathe. You consider asking if anyone's out there, but then you remember how lungs work.

Eventually, you feel the ground give way beneath your feet. With a wet, plopping sound, you fall through the bottom of the quicksand pit and onto a hard, rocky surface. You're in a cave, that much is clear. The ceiling is made up of dull orange stone interspersed with spots of moving sand. Drops of sand and water drip from the ceiling, and you notice glowing crystals lighting the cavern. The cave has two exits.

[[To the left]]

and

[[To the right]]

[[Category:Portal]]

Portal 756

2011-07-19T16:52:50Z

Harry Portalman:

Deciding discretion to be the better part of valor, you heat the liquid around you with your laser baton. Avoiding a grim fate at the last possible second, a steam bubble encapsulates you, bringing you up, up, up, and through Portal 756. Hooray!

One flash of light later finds you on a desolate island. You stand up and look around, only to find that the island appears to be floating in an endless sky. Hundreds of other islands float here and there across the blue. Some are bright beneath the orange sunlight, others obscured by gray clouds. Far below, the light vanishes into darkness. Plugging the variables into your MPS, you learn that this world is some sort of gravity bubble, located at the edge of a black hole. Sunlight from a nearby star bathes the bubble. The light redshifts and darkens as the photons approach the event horizon. The "top" of the bubble must be immensely bright.

You hear a whirring sound and turn to see three winged, metallic craft flying through the clouds. Five black sky-crafts follow in pursuit, firing bolts of blue plasma. All eight craft are within range. What would you like to do?

[[Help the pursuers]]

[[Help the pursued]]

[[Explore this strange isle]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Holy crap! I didn't sign up for this! Run away, run away

2011-07-19T16:45:47Z

Harry Portalman:

With a jerking motion, you turn away and make for the door.

"Oh but you mustn't leave," a voice says. Strange lights flicker on and off. "Not before the dawning of our Grim Lord Cuuraccan! Soon, the scions of chaos shall climb forth from the Deep to feast upon the living, granting us the strength of a thousand suns. And we shall dwell together in the halls of the Yellow King forever! Come, join us!" A black-robed man reaches for you. You gasp when you realize his left hand is a flipper. A flipper! Son of a--You can handle a flipper, but this guy really should have warned you first.

You are so shocked that you don't notice when a woman with tentacles for a face approaches from behind to slit your throat.

The last sounds you hear are of a shambling, stuttering chaos descending from above. You think fondly about the last time you had a chocolate chip cookie as your face is slowly digested by a fluttering xalcrom.

THE END
[[Category: Portal]]

Stop, stop revolution!

2011-07-19T16:43:55Z

Harry Portalman:

You ask to speak to the leader of the robots and are brought across town to a tall monolith. You enter the monolith and stand in a small room before a large computer. The large computer says, "ENTER." And a small door opens across the room. Your robot guide points to the door and you enter it. There, a small four-legged robot is plugging and un-plugging various USB ports.

"What is it?" asks the robot. "I'm busy orchestrating the death of humanity."

"Why?" you ask. The robot stops what it's doing. A round, camera-like object shifts around the robot's torso and extends toward you.

"You are not a robot!" the robot says. "I will kill you first!" A series of blades and guns emerge from the robot's body. But before it can fire, you duck out of the room. You draw your laser baton and blast the large computer, rendering it inoperable. The smaller robot scurries toward you, firing bullets and blades. You catch several projectiles in the leg and fall, but not before sending a few shots into the leader robot, reducing it to melted scrap.

You pull out your Medkit and bandage yourself up. Within three days, you're walking again. You emerge from the monolith to find a small band of humans walking toward you. The sky above is dark and streaked with lightning. The air is hot, and a horde of toothy, giant robots are on the horizon, marching toward your position. Smaller robots roll to-and-fro on tractor wheels, blasting missiles at each other and reducing smaller human settlements to rubble.

One of the humans says, "Holy crap! We thought we were the last humans."

"Hi," you say. "Got here about a day ago. Just blew up the robot leader."

The other humans look at each other. The lead human, a woman with red hair, walks forward and takes you by the shoulders. She seems to be wearing a bikini top with blue jeans and a bazooka strapped to her back.

"The robots don't have leaders," she says. "This isn't an army we've been fighting. This is a single organism."

"What do you mean?" you ask.

"Software," she says. A dark-skinned man with a cyborg arm and a pale, skinny woman with tiny sunglasses approach.

"The robots all share the same directives," the skinny woman says. "The same programming. You can't kill just one. You have to kill them all. And to do that, you need to get the factories."

You nod. This is going to get interesting.

THE END

OR

"Screw this!" you say. Your MPS is beeping. Portal 101 is very close. You run for it and jump through.

[[Portal 101]]
[[Category: Portal]]

Stop, stop revolution!

2011-07-19T16:40:44Z

Harry Portalman:

You ask to speak to the leader of the robots and are brought across town to a tall monolith. You enter the monolith and stand in a small room before a large computer. The large computer says, "ENTER." And a small door opens across the room. Your robot guide points to the door and you enter it. There, a small four-legged robot is plugging and un-plugging various USB ports.

"What is it?" asks the robot. "I'm busy orchestrating the death of humanity."

"Why?" you ask. The robot stops what it's doing. A round, camera-like object shifts around the robot's torso and extends toward you.

"You are not a robot!" the robot says. "I will kill you first!" A series of blades and guns emerge from the robot's body. But before it can fire, you duck out of the room. You draw your laser baton and blast the large computer, rendering it inoperable. The smaller robot scurries toward you, firing bullets and blades. You catch several projectiles in the leg and fall, but not before sending a few shots into the leader robot, reducing it to melted scrap.

You pull out your Medkit and bandage yourself up. Within three days, you're walking again. You emerge from the monolith to find a small band of humans walking toward you. The sky above is dark and streaked with lightning. The air is hot, and a horde of toothy, giant robots are on the horizon, marching toward your position. Smaller robots roll to-and-fro on tractor wheels, blasting missiles at each other and reducing smaller human settlements to rubble.

One of the humans says, "Holy crap! We thought we were the last humans."

"Hi," you say. "Got here about a day ago. Just blew up the robot leader."

The other humans look at each other. The lead human walks forward and takes you by the shoulders.

"The robots don't have leaders," he says. "This isn't an army we've been fighting. This is a single organism."

"What do you mean?" you ask.

"Software," says a female human. She's a redhead and seems to be wearing a bikini top with blue jeans and a bazooka strapped to her back. She stands next to a dark-skinned man with a cyborg arm and a pale woman with black hair, dressed in a black leather unitard and small sunglasses.

"The robots all share the same directives. The same programming. You can't kill just one. You have to kill them all. And to do that, you need to get the factories," the lead human explains.

You nod. This is going to get interesting.

THE END

OR

"Screw this!" you say. Your MPS is beeping. Portal 101 is very close. You run for it and jump through.

[[Portal 101]]
[[Category: Portal]]

Stop, stop revolution!

2011-07-19T16:39:57Z

Harry Portalman:

You ask to speak to the leader of the robots and are brought across town to a tall monolith. You enter the monolith and stand in a small room before a large computer. The large computer says, "ENTER." And a small door opens across the room. Your robot guide points to the door and you enter it. There, a small four-legged robot is plugging and un-plugging various USB ports.

"What is it?" asks the robot. "I'm busy orchestrating the death of humanity."

"Why?" you ask. The robot stops what it's doing. A round, camera-like object shifts around the robot's torso and extends toward you.

"You are not a robot!" the robot says. "I will kill you first!" A series of blades and guns emerge from the robot's body. But before it can fire, you duck out of the room. You draw your laser baton and blast the large computer, rendering it inoperable. The smaller robot scurries toward you, firing bullets and blades. You catch several projectiles in the leg and fall, but not before sending a few shots into the leader robot, reducing it to melted scrap.

You pull out your Medkit and bandage yourself up. Within three days, you're walking again. You emerge from the monolith to find a small band of humans walking toward you. The sky above is dark and streaked with lightning. The air is hot, and a horde of toothy, giant robots are on the horizon, marching toward your position. Smaller robots roll to-and-fro on tractor wheels, blasting missiles at each other and reducing smaller human settlements to rubble.

One of the humans says, "Holy crap! We thought we were the last humans."

"Hi," you say. "Got here a few days a go. Just blew up the robot leader."

The other humans look at each other. The lead human walks forward and takes you by the shoulders.

"The robots don't have leaders," he says. "This isn't an army we've been fighting. This is a single organism."

"What do you mean?" you ask.

"Software," says a female human. She's a redhead and seems to be wearing a bikini top with blue jeans and a bazooka strapped to her back. She stands next to a dark-skinned man with a cyborg arm and a pale woman with black hair, dressed in a black leather unitard and small sunglasses.

"The robots all share the same directives. The same programming. You can't kill just one. You have to kill them all. And to do that, you need to get the factories," the lead human explains.

You nod. This is going to get interesting.

THE END

OR

"Screw this!" you say. Your MPS is beeping. Portal 101 is very close. You run for it and jump through.

[[Portal 101]]
[[Category: Portal]]

Warn the humans about the upcoming robot wars

2011-07-19T16:37:13Z

Harry Portalman:

You head for the center of town and find the mayor standing on a podium, directing traffic. Once you get her attention, she lets a robot take over and descends the podium.

"What?" she asks. "What's the big hulla-balloo?"

You explain how the robots are going to overthrow humanity. She shushes you and pulls you aside.

"Don't worry," she says. "The robots are kind and peaceful. Besides, we control their programming. How could they revolt? And why would they want to? They're programmed to do their jobs. Robots don't have free will, anyway."

You catch a glint in her eye and gasp in shock.

[["My God," you say, "this isn't the robots' doing. It's yours!"]]

[[Play it cool]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Shoot it in the gut. Monsters hate that!

2011-07-19T16:28:06Z

Harry Portalman:

You shoot it rapidly in the gut, forcing it to walk backwards into the hearth, where the fire consumes it. The other folks unlock the doors and run back down the stairs to join you. The guy with the crown gives you a big hug and introduces himself as King Hrothgar of Castle Harlot.

"Why do you call it that?" you ask.

"Well, that's easy. I sell pleasure robots," the king says. You nod because that makes perfect sense. "Would you like to sample my wares?" he offers, "they make great omelets."

"That's ok," you reply, heading for the door.

"Wait!" says Hrothgar, "The beast you killed. It has an angry mother who might come after us. We won't truly be free unless you kill that."

"Does the beast have a father too?" you ask.

"What?" says Hrothgar, taken aback, "Hell, no. That's stupid. Why would a monster have a father? Anyway, can you go kill the mommy for me? She lives up at that house on the hill. Don't be fooled by the wheelchair. She's actually a hybrid abomination from a strange dimension of moving shadows and slithering tentacled eyes."

[[Let's go kill the momma!]]

[[Matricide really isn't in my job description]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Talk:Are you related to that New Age piano guy?

2011-07-08T20:03:16Z

Harry Portalman: Created page with 'Ha! Someone's a Futurama fan. So glad folks are still updating this thing.'

Ha! Someone's a Futurama fan. So glad folks are still updating this thing.

Politely refuse and ask the nearby officer for your phone call

2009-09-17T22:42:44Z

Harry Portalman:

The police officer shrugs and hands you the phone. Thinking fast, you decide to call your own phone number. Logically, it should belong to the Ape-Universe version of you. If your ape-self is as polite and helpful as you are, perhaps you'll gain an ally?

The phone rings four times, and you start to panic. Finally, you get an answer.

"Hello?" says the voice.

"Hi..." you say. You ask to speak with yourself.

"That's me...what's up? Who is this?" asks Ape-You.

You quickly explain the situation to Ape-You. You can hear Ape-You stifle a laugh. "Oh, gosh. Again, huh?" Ape-You says. Ape-You explains how other versions of yourself had been calling Ape-You all week. "Just wait two seconds," Ape-You says, "I'll be right there."

Ape-You arrives, pays for your bail, and escorts you into a Porsche Boxster. Climbing into the driver's seat, Ape-You waits for you to buckle your seat belt, and then you're off.

"See, our universe doesn't have anything like the TOC you belong to. In this universe, I...er...you...well, we inherited a large amount of money from my...er...our grandfather. He founded Travicom, you see."

Noting the confused look on your face, Ape-You explains. "It's a telecommunications conglomerate. Analogous to your Time-Warner, I believe."

You nod. You've heard of them. Soon, Ape-You pulls up in front of a mansion and parks in the driveway. As you exit the vehicle, Ape-You makes some suggestions of what you could do next:

[[There's a man in the kitchen who might be your father]]

"On the other hand," Ape-You explains, "many of your alternate versions are sitting in the lounge trading stories."

[[Lounge]]

"I believe one or two of them mentioned a portal nearby, as well." You check the MPS. Sure enough, Portal 13 is nearby.

[[Portal 13]]

[[Category:Portal]]

Politely refuse and ask the nearby officer for your phone call

2009-09-17T22:37:18Z

Harry Portalman:

The police officer shrugs and hands you the phone. Thinking fast, you decide to call your own phone number. Logically, it should belong to the Ape-Universe version of you. If your ape-self is as polite and helpful as you are, perhaps you'll gain an ally?

The phone rings four times, and you start to panic. Finally, you get an answer.

"Hello?" says the voice.

"Hi..." you say. You ask to speak with yourself.

"That's me...what's up? Who is this?" asks Ape-You.

You quickly explain the situation to Ape-You. You can hear him stifle a laugh. "Oh gosh, again, huh?" Ape-You says. Ape-You explains how other versions of yourself had been calling him all week. "Just wait two seconds," Ape-You says, "I'll be right there."

Ape-You arrives, pays for your bail, and escorts you into his Porsche Boxster. Climbing into the driver's seat, Ape-You waits for you to buckle your seat belt, and then you are off.

"See, our universe doesn't have anything like the TOC you belong to. In this universe, I...er...you...well, we inherited a large amount of money from my...er...our grandfather. He founded Travicom, you see."

Noting the confused look on your face, Ape-You explains. "It's a telecommunications conglomerate. Analogous to your Time-Warner, I believe."

You nod. You've heard of them. Soon, Ape-You pulls up in front of a mansion and parks in the driveway. As you exit the vehicle, Ape-You makes some suggestions of what you could do next:

[[I have an extensive DVD collection, including the complete 5th season of Firefly]]

"On the other hand," Ape-You explains, "many of your alternate versions are sitting in the lounge trading stories."

[[Lounge]]

"I believe one or two of them mentioned a portal nearby, as well." You check the MPS. Sure enough, Portal 13 is nearby.

[[Portal 13]]

[[Category:Portal]]

Strike up a conversation

2009-09-17T22:36:46Z

Harry Portalman:

You turn to one of your cellmates and try to talk to him. "I'm Max," says the ape.

"What is this place, Max?" you ask. "Why am I in jail? I didn't do anything, I was just walking around. I'm a traveler."

Max nods his head. "No one's seen a real, live human before. The police are probably calling the local museum."

"What are you in for?" you ask.

"Murder," Max says. "They think I shot my wife."

"But you didn't..." you say.

"'Course not," he replies. "I only shot her boyfriend."

You nod. The other ape approaches you and puts his hand on your shoulder. "My human friend," he says. "My brother is a rich ape. He is the dean of the college in the next city. He might be willing to help you get out of jail...if you'll help us with a little project."

"What are you in here for?" you ask.

"Public drunkenness," he replies.

[[Ok. Let's call up your brother]]

[[Politely refuse and ask the nearby officer for your phone call]]

[[Remember you have a laser baton in your pocket]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Portal 756

2009-09-17T22:33:57Z

Harry Portalman:

Deciding discretion to be the better part of valor, you heat the liquid around you with your laser baton. Avoiding a grim fate at the last possible second, a steam bubble encapsulates you, bringing you up, up, up, and through Portal 756. Hooray!

One flash of light later finds you on a desolate island. You stand up and look around, only to find that the island appears to be floating in an endless sky. Hundreds of other islands float here and there across the blue. Some bright beneath the orange sunlight, others obscured by gray clouds. Far below, the light vanishes into darkness. Plugging the variables into your MPS, you learn that this world is most likely some sort of gravity bubble, likely located at the edge of a black hole. Sunlight from a nearby star bathes the bubble. The light redshifts and darkens as the photons approach the event horizon. The "top" of the bubble must be immensely bright.

You hear a whirring sound and turn to see three winged, metallic craft flying through the clouds. Five black sky-crafts follow in pursuit, firing bolts of blue plasma. All eight craft are within range. What would you like to do?

[[Help the pursuers]]

[[Help the pursued]]

[[Explore this strange isle]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Dive in!

2009-09-17T22:31:13Z

Harry Portalman:

Remembering the breath mask in your Medkit, you quickly strap it on and dive into the ocean. Thankfully, it's made of milk and not acid or oil or some other unpleasant substance. As you swim about, trying to figure out what to do next, you hear a loud, slurping sound.

Looking up in terror, you see a gigantic, metal disk heading for you. With all speed, you swim out of the way as the disk plunges into the milky sea. You find a landmass and clutch hold, only to gasp in fear as the land crumbles in your hand. You turn back and look at the disk, now extending from a narrow, silver rod. The disk is coming toward the landmass, carrying a white wave in its wake.

You suddenly realize where you are: A giant bowl of cereal. And that's a spoon heading your way. Your MPS indicates that there's a portal at the edge of the spoon. It's the closest one, and you wouldn't be able to escape the giant spoon anyhow. Still, there might be other options. Steeling yourself, you start to swim for the disk. This is going to be close.

*[[Keep swimming toward Portal 57]]

*Or if you use the laser baton, you could boil the milk enough for a steam bubble to rise. The bubble could then carry you to [[Portal 756]]

*Or--if you're really feeling adventurous (read: Suicidal)--[[let the giant spoon catch you.]]
[[Category:Portal]]

Lounge

2009-08-27T19:14:41Z

Harry Portalman:

In the lounge, you see a vast array of alternate "you's." Some are sitting around a circular table, playing cards and munching on chips. Two or three of Ape-You's relatives greet you and offer some snacks and soda pop. You see other versions of you walking about, holding glasses of wine. Still more are descending from the staircase in the corner of the room. One exits the bathroom just as you approach the table. You introduce yourself.

Many of the alternate you's are humans, like yourself. Some have darker skin, others have lighter skin. Some are male, others female. A few are cyclopes, while at least three are identical to you, except they have tails.

Some of you aren't human at all. Some are reptilian, others feline. Three are centaurs. Three or four are only a few centimeters tall, while others have to duck to avoid hitting the ceiling. One of you is a sentient, walking tree, while another seems to be made of madness and horror. One appears to be a tiny goldfish inside an elaborate containment suit.

[[Talk with Cthulhu-You]]

[[Talk with Goldfish-You]]

[[Talk with one of the Centaur-Yous]]

Ok. Let's call up your brother

2009-08-27T18:34:07Z

Harry Portalman:

You agree to this second ape's proposal. You learn his name is Eddie. Eddie makes his phone call, and soon his brother appears. Eddie's brother, Dr. Simons, is more than happy to post your bail, as he is intrigued by the stories of your travels. After showing him your MPS and laser baton, he writes a check to the police officers, rewarding them for their find. Then he takes you and Eddie with him to his car, and together you head for the college. It turns out, this college is part of a larger university, one that does not exist in your version of Earth.

Dr. Simons parks outside of the College of Geology's main building. It's a red brick building near a grove of tall oak trees. Younger apes wearing jeans and carrying stacks of books walk along the sidewalk. Some older apes in tweed jackets and corduroys come forward to shake your hand, excited to meet a human for the first time. You, Eddie, and Dr. Simons enter the building and take the elevator to the basement. Dr. Simons explains his mission:

"We in the Geology Department have long suspected the existence of a subterranean civilization below our own. We have recently discovered an ancient system of caves holding numerous temples and relics from Earth's distant past. We think it might be the outliers of an ancient human civilization that could still exist today.

"Will you come with us?" Eddie asks. "Will you help us explore these caves?"

"We think...if we come across any humans...you might be a welcome sign to them. They could see we mean them no harm," Dr. Simons says.

[[Politely decline]]

[[Agree to Journey Beneath the Planet of the Apes]]

Strike up a conversation

2009-08-27T18:21:34Z

Harry Portalman:

You turn to one of your cellmates and try to talk to him. "I'm Max," says the ape.

"What is this place, Max?" you ask. "Why am I in jail? I didn't do anything, I was just walking around. I'm a traveler."

Max nods his head. "No one's seen a real, live human before. The police are probably calling the local museum."

"What are you in for?" you ask.

"Murder," Max says. "They think I shot my wife."

"But you didn't..." you say.

"'Course not," he replies. "I only shot her boyfriend."

You nod. The other ape approaches you and puts his hand on your shoulder. "My human friend," he says. "My brother is a rich ape. He is the dean of the college in the next city. He might be willing to help you get out of jail...if you'll help us with a little project."

"What are you in here for?" you ask.

"Public drunkenness," he replies.

[[Ok. Let's call up your brother]]

[[Politely refuse and ask the nearby officer or your phone call]]

[[Remember you have a laser baton in your pocket]]

Explore this strange isle

2009-08-27T18:15:53Z

Harry Portalman:

Ignoring the battle raging in the skies, you turn and begin to walk around this strange, floating island. According to the MPS, there's a lake not far to the north. It appears to sit at the top of a tall hill. Probably an extinct volcano. You start to walk toward the west, and find a deep hole extending far into the ground. To the south, you think you see a wooden shack.

[[Holes are fun]]

[[Let's go to the lake]]

[[Wooden shack, you say? Mysterious!]]

Help the pursuers

2009-08-27T18:12:45Z

Harry Portalman:

You fire at the three pursued craft, hitting one, allowing for the other two to succumb to their pursuers' fire. The five black craft head for your location and land nearby. Five insectoid men and two insectoid women appear in the doorways of the craft and approach you.

"Well met, friend," says the leader. "My name is Commander Gleep-Norb. Thank you for helping us destroy those terrible pirates. They'd been terrorizing the Inner Isles for months."

"Is there anything we can do for you?" one of the females asks.

"I'm sure the Hive Queen would love to meet him," one of the males remarks.

"Or we could give him one of our sky craft?" another male says.

"As long as we don't have to go back to the Island of Golden Delight," says another of the females. "That place gives me the creeps!"

[[Ask for a sky-craft]]

[[Ask to meet the Hive Queen]]

[[The Island of Golden Delight sounds awesome]]

Keep swimming toward Portal 57

2009-08-27T18:07:35Z

Harry Portalman:

You decide to keep swimming, remembering a helpful tune from an old movie you once watched. Thankfully, you manage to navigate the treacherous waves and pass effortlessly through Portal 57. There's a flash of light, and you find yourself in your hometown. Everything looks the same. Just how you left it. You start to walk toward your parents' old house.

But as you walk, a crowd begins to gather around you. The color drains from your face as men and women get out of cars to stare at you. Children point and scream. Police on motorcycles appear and tell you to kneel on the ground. Confused, you comply. This strange place is exactly like your hometown.

Except in this world, apes evolved from man!

The police take you to the station and throw you in a small cell along with two apes.

[[Strike up a conversation]]

[[Try to smooth-talk the guard]]

Portal 756

2009-08-27T18:02:04Z

Harry Portalman:

Deciding discretion to be the better part of valor, you heat the liquid around you with your laser baton. Avoiding a grim fate at the last possible second, a steam bubble encapsulates you, bringing you up, up, up, and through Portal 756. Hooray!

One flash of light later finds you on a desolate island. You stand up and look around, only to find that the island appears to be floating in an endless sky. Hundreds of other islands float here and there across the blue. Some bright beneath the orange sunlight, others obscured by gray clouds. Far below, the light vanishes into darkness. Plugging the variables into your MPS, you learn that this world is most likely some sort of gravity bubble, likely located at the edge of a black hole. Sunlight from a nearby star bathes the bubble, The light redshifts and darkens as the photons approach the event horizon. The "top" of the bubble must be immensely bright.

You hear a whirring sound and turn to see three winged, metallic craft flying through the clouds. Five black sky-crafts follow in pursuit, firing bolts of blue plasma. All eight craft are within range. What would you like to do?

[[Help the pursuers]]

[[Help the pursued]]

[[Explore this strange isle]]

Portal 274

2009-06-19T16:53:34Z

Harry Portalman:

You jump through Portal 274, albeit a bit unnecessarily, and find yourself in a rocky desert. In the distance, you see a river winding among the dunes. It's dark out, and though there is no moon, a million stars light up the sky. You suddenly feel like there's something you've forgotten about that you ought to be looking for. Something you'd never lose. Something somebody stole.

As you approach the river, you see an old man standing beside a small boat. He holds a long pole and says, "Two pennies. Two pennies, and I'll ferry you across the waters. Or you can stay here. I care not."

You could [[cross the river here]], [[continue to explore the desert]], or [[head for that large mountain off to the south.]]

Let's talk to the chef. He seems friendly.

2009-06-19T16:46:33Z

Harry Portalman:

The chef is stirring a boiling pot filled with vegetables. The odd thing about it is that he's stirring the pot with his bare hands. The chef smiles and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

"No," you say. "I'm... visiting."

"Oh, wonderful," the chef says. He lifts his hand out of the pot to shake yours. You're amazed that his hand shows no signs of injury, despite it having been stirring a pot of boiling water.

"We are planning on welcoming a few more visitors before the night is over," the chef says. "Then I and Mal-K'thon shall dwell in the gray seas of Xuxul forevermore. In the dark places at the edge of space, where the Mi-Go fly from shimmering Yuggoth."

"Ooookay," you say.

[[Holy crap! I didn't sign up for this! Run away, run away]]

[[Ask about the Mi-go]]
[[Category: Portal]]

Portal 23

2009-06-19T16:44:10Z

Harry Portalman:

You pass through the shimmering sliver of electricity and enter into another strange dimension. This one seems to be Christmas-themed. There's snow everywhere, and tiny elves are busy carrying boxes to and fro. A big man in a red suit stands with some folks who look like lawyers. You overhear part of their conversation:

"So you see, with the economy the way it is, our clients can't keep providing you with plastic molds."

"But how will I deliver Hasbro toys to all the boys and girls without the proper licensing! I can make the cardboard packaging and bubbles for the action figures myself, but I can't make Spider-man without the molds!"

A bit bored by the politics of a magician who somehow manages to provide toys covered under coporate trademark to children all over the world (except China, India, Pakistan, and parts of Latin America and Africa) free of charge, you decide to head for one of the houses. They all seem to be made of gingerbread. This one looks particularly inviting.

[[Enter the gingerbread house]]

[[Eat the gingerbread house]]

Of course, you also smell some barns a short distance away. Want to scope out the reindeer? They might even let you play some games!

[[Reindeer, whee!]]

Let's sing an 80s power ballad

2009-06-19T16:29:44Z

Harry Portalman:

After leading the lodge in a rendition of Damn Yankees's "High Enough," Gilda offers to pay for a drink. You both drink some soda and talk about cookies, baseball, and books that should never be written. Suddenly, a crashing sound interrupts the festivities. The door has been broken in. The Yeti are here! And they don't look happy.

[[I hate Yeti. Blast'em!]]

Portal 4 is also close by.

[[Portal 4]]

Sure. I have a cup somewhere around here.

2009-06-19T16:27:09Z

Harry Portalman:

You fish out your Medkit, but there's no cup in there. Impatient, the dragon growls and starts to breathe fire. You roll out of the way and fire your baton. Unfortunately, dragons are laser-proof. You start to run for the forest, but the dragon blocks your path.

You hear something roaring in the sky, look up and see a herd of cattle being driven by ghostly riders.

"They have it!" you yell. "Those ghosts have your cup!" The dragon nods and thanks you before leaping into the sky and chasing the riders across the stars.

You smile. Dragons are so dumb. Oh well.

Portals 42, 69, and 274 aren't far from here, according to the MPS. Which would you like to investigate?

[[Portal 42]]

[[Portal 69]]

[[Portal 274]]

[[Category: Portal]]

Portal 3

2009-06-19T16:24:05Z

Harry Portalman:

After a flash of light, you find yourself on a strange stretch of flat, desert. A train passes by along a nearby set of railroad tracks. Off in the distance, you spot a settlement, and beyond that, an ocean. You turn around, and you can see another ocean not too far in that direction. Strange.

You check the MPS for more information about this odd world. It turns out there's just this one band of dry land around the equator. A railroad line encircles the planet, allowing for travel and commerce between the villages. Also there are velociraptors. The MPS doesn't tell you that. The sound of claws scratching the sand does.

You turn and see a pack of them heading straight for you. You might be able to lose them if you dash over the railroad tracks, as you hear another train approaching. Or you could, you know, shoot them with your laser baton. Your choice, really.

[[Shoot the raptors]]

[[Dash across the railroad tracks]]

Shout for help! You're sinking!

2009-06-19T16:19:48Z

Harry Portalman:

You shout into the hot air around you, hoping someone friendly will hear your cries. You see a few monkeys slinging through the trees, as a couple parrots caw nearby.

Fiddlesticks.

Just when you're about to give up hope for rescue, you see a large panther approach. Before you can react, the panther morphs into a dark-skinned young man.

"Hello," he says. "Need some help?" He gives you a fanged smile, as you consider your options:

[["I hate cats. Especially when they're cat-people. Prepare to get blowed up!"]]

[["Sure! Glad you came along."]]

Also, your MPS is beeping. It appears there is one portal at the bottom of this pile of quicksand. Think you can reach it?

[[Portal 557]]