Create Your Own Story - User contributions [en]

User talk:Barratboy

JakeStorm93 — Sat, 10 May 2014 01:45:17 GMT

JakeStorm93:

I deleted a page because it was coming up as orphaned. No pages were linking to it. Maybe you editted the page that was supposed to link to it and didn't realize that you'd broken the link. --[[User:Platypus|Platypus]] 12:22, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

''Yep, that's what it looks like. Thanks for catching it! --[[User:Barratboy|Barratboy]]''

Hi there! I just wanted to swing by to say how much I enjoyed your writing in Hardon High! Not just the delicious content, but the style of writing is really quite impressive! In particular, the scenes involving the arrogant stud in the Jock Club - riding him not once, but twice, and his transition from the cocky jock to a submissive bottom! Just fantastic! Haha, I kinda wish that we could continue to have our way with the jock rather than have him default to the hairy guy at the end of the whirlpool scene, but I suppose the story has to end some time! Anyhoo, great job, maestro! Excellent work! -- [[User:JakeStorm93|JakeStorm93]]

Make Jared drink even more

JakeStorm93 — Sat, 18 Jan 2014 17:16:03 GMT

JakeStorm93:

You try to bring the spurting tube of water closer to his mouth, but Jared does not seem to be interested in your offer.

“Dude, enough,” Jared says, turning his head away from you. “I don’t want to drink any more.”

You hide your disappointment poorly. With unnatural speed, you lunge out, grabbing the base of Jared’s face. Jared cries out in shock, and the moment his mouth opens, you use your free hand to jam the nozzle of the tube into his mouth. Jared squirms in his spot, but is otherwise helpless to make any form of protest, except for some garbled unintelligible noises. He groans desperately as the cool liquid continues to fill his tummy, squeezing his eyes shut as the weight of the contents of his stomach becomes heavier and heavier.

You slip a hand under his shirt and lay a hand on the side of Jared's smooth gut, feeling his belly slowly swelling out to its fullest size as it slowly bulges outward. You say nothing for a while, an odd silence in the toilet apart from the steady sound of Jared gulping down the plastic tube. One by one, mouthful after mouthful of water disappears into Jared's mouth, his throat rising and falling slowly as more liquid rushed down his gullet, his distended belly pushing harder and harder against the increasingly-tight waistline of his jeans. He gives off a primal moan of discomfort, but you ignore him, stroking his midsection sensually, feeling the soft swell of flesh and gentle slosh of liquid beneath your palm. You lick your lips in anticipation as you watch the other boy’s belly continue inflate with water. Jared scrunches his eyes tightly as his engorged paunch continues to grow bigger and bigger, until all of a sudden, you yank the tube from his mouth. Jared gasps for air, his midsection heaving with every deep breath. He groans pathetically, the pale skin around his belly stretched taut around the smooth bulge of his distended stomach.

"You dumb fuck," Jared swears under his breath, but despite his apparent anger, his face is flushed with burning embarrassment. "I said I didn’t want to drink any more. I’m not a fucking water balloon."

As he hops off the sink counter, he’s suddenly hit by pang of urgency, evident from his strained expression.

“Oh fuck, I’ve really gotta go now.”

He hurriedly attempts to take off his jeans, but with his newly-bloated gut, he’s finding it incredibly difficult to negotiate with the tight button. He grunts and groans as he repeatedly tries to force it apart, but to no avail.

He glances your way with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Come on, dude. Help me out, will ya?”

Do you:
*[[Help undress Jared]]
*[[Laugh at Jared]]
*[[Punch Jared in the bladder]]
{{RampageTemplate|who=[[Brandon Jones|6th Grade Boy]]}}
[[Category: Rampage]]

User talk:Platypus

JakeStorm93 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 22:41:42 GMT

JakeStorm93:

Since this page has become rather cluttered, I've moved old discussions to the archive pages below. Feel free to leave new messages here. I'll get back to you ASAP!

*[[User talk:Platypus/Archive1]]
*[[User talk:Platypus/Archive2]]
*[[User talk:Platypus/Archive3]]

>Add new comments below. Do not add new comments to the archives.

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User: JakeStorm93

January 15, 2014

Thanks for the helpful tips on punctuating dialogue! Gosh, you'd think I would know a simple grammatical rule like that. Horribly embarrassing, but I guess you learn something new every day! ;D

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User: Santiagocreativewriting

January, 14, 2014

Thank you so much for helping us abide by the categories. I actually am teaching a class of 12-14 year olds in Santiago in a two-week course of creative writing. We are really enjoying this create-your-own-adventure site but did notice that one of our pages were deleted. What would you suggest we do to prevent this happening again? Would you like us to each make our own account?

Thank you!

User: Sexytext
1/14/14

Ok Then But Were Can I put my story then?! You removed off the main page but when I am finished may I add it again?
[[http://editthis.info/create_your_own_adventure/My_Little_Pony:_Adventures_is_Magic | My Story]]
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User: Darkus123
1/11/14

Hey, I'm kind of new here but I've notice that I can't post my idea in the Idea Pitch... The story's name is [[The Twin Empires]].

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User: GalwayTraveler

1/10/14

Editing/Clarity/Format Help

Hey, I've seen that you've edited my page. I'm currently trying to figure out how the formatting goes, and have had some trouble with the tutorial. Do you think I could get some advice? I've read the tutorial over and over and cant figure out how to add properly formatted links and how to edit those linked pages (and so on and so forth)

Thanks for the help

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User: relafen66

Date 12/30/2013

Hey bro r u the mod here? If you are I cannot put images in the submissions every-time i get a code verifier then it puts me on 20 min lock down. Also I haven't really checked my stories but it seems someone let ppl edit it now i got rows upon rows of additions i dont like.

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User: SgtBaha

Date: 12/30/13

Thanks for the heads up about the categories for my High School submissions and fixing my pages. And thanks for the text for the status bar; I was wondering how to get that.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

User: Mreurotic
Date: 10/10/2013
Hey, I messaged you once before, and was now curious about something. Is there a way to find out when new pages within your story are added? I ask this because I come on weekly, and hate having to travel through every option to see if there is anything new. I was also wondering if you had your own website somewhere, and if you did, could you share it? Thank you.

P.S. If you, or anyone reading this, wanted to email me, you can at townsville_strikers@hotmail.com

I saw your comment, and I'm kind of busy with my story at the moment but I plan on putting a title for each category I post. -Txtinkerbell12, 12-9-13
____________________________________________________________________

Hey, quick question: I forgot my password, and was wondering if there was anyway to recover it? if not, that's okay, was just curious. - Kanin452, 12-5-13

Thank you for the constructive criticism without being a jerk, and for not deleting my contribution. I admit that was my very first edit on the site. Your adventure is my favourite on the site so far and I may have gotten a bit carried away! - ThaneOfAss

Still new to site. I see your warning and am trying to figure out what you mean it. I'm just working on structure atm and apologize if I left out something important but i'm still working around the main structure and am not finished so please don't delete my work. My thanks, ~ MixedMojo

Hey there - just wondered if you'd like to read and/or comment on my story. Am new to the site. The story is [[The Punishment of Claire and Cassandra]]. Any tips/criticisms on the story or using the wiki would be most appreciated. [[User:Hornlarry|Hornlarry]] 00:09, 15 August 2013 (UTC)

User:creat0r
Yeah, I know I'm not the best at grammar, and I know I forgot the location in the status bar. *facepalms*

Anyways, maybe you or someone else good at grammar could review the pages I make? I don't want to impose or force you to work.
Just asking! Anyways, thank you so much for fixing my little problems. :)
User:creat0r
What do you mean? I looked over my additions and I can't see any problems.
________________________________________________________

User:Mreurotic
Sorry if my grammar isn't up to standards. I love that story arc, yet since nothing was added for a while, I thought I could help. I can see 1 punctuation error, yet that is it. Sorry if I make mistakes.

User: Mreurotic
I do admit that I am distracted at times, often writing an addition to your things, as well as on another site trying a 'choose your own adventure' style thing with the comments. I will take into consideration your advice, and re-edit what I have put up to keep it up to your standard. I hope that you do find my writing up to standard, as part of my dream is to become a writer, and this is good experience for me to learn.

_________________________________________________________

User:RoodyPoo
Uhhh...don't delete my page. It's obviously a WIP. Let me finish it before you decide if it's good enough or not.
_________________________________________________________

User:Masterdill22
Hey, i just recieved your message about leaving my title to the category thing, and I'm somehwat confused... i dont mind if you edit them to meet the requirements, oh and also, how easy is my story to access right now since its just been created?
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Hey, sorry. How do I add my title to the category thing?

_________________________________________________________

I am just curious as to why my pages On Xozen Infection? I am very confused.If i did something wrong please inform before you delete it. *Seth Xozen*

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I apologize for misspelling "brakes" in Rampage. Thanks for the heads up. -[[User:Tower0505|Tower0505]]

_________________________________________________________

Quick question, how do I make my story available to the public? -[[User:RedJenny69|Jessica<3]]

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I wanted to try to fix the 'Hot Mom' pages that you deleted because they weren't catagorized but my first and only attempt failed so feel free to delete that attempt. I was trying to keep the original content and just add what ever it was missing but couldn't make it work. Didn't mean to side-step your authority or anything like that and apologize if it created a miss understanding. - Black Dragon 25
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Hey how do I add the title to the catagory? - Yougotmyshirt

It's great the sight has decreased the page load time. It was getting to unbearable levels. However the 20 page per hour thing is god awful. Can that be edited some how so ppl are not waiting a whole hour? Like say down to 2 or 3 per minute.--[[User:Yihman1|Yihman1]] 05:02, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

Hi, youve sent me 2 warnings on page catagorization. I'm new here, how do I do that? 6 june 2013

== alternative site? ==

Hi,

These last months the site has been unbearably slow making it practically unusable, and despite repeated contacts the site admin Rob Kohr does not seem interested in acknowledging that his quick fixes aren't real solutions. Since I see no indication on his part a comprehensive fix restoring this site to normal responsiveness is forthcoming any time soon, I'd like to ask you if you know of any other free wiki site with a no-censorship policy, Platypus? Regards, [[User:Anedwcan|Anedwcan]] 06:16, 8 July 2013 (UTC)

== Views ==

Really quick question, I can't see the amount of views I am getting per page anymore. Is this the same for everybody or did I change a setting?

Thanks, Bojangles

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Hello! Just curious about why you deleted my page. - [[User:FrozenFlamingFire|FFF]]

In regards to your last comment on my talk page, I just wanted to say that I respect that rampage is your story, and if you don't want me posting there, then just say the word; I will respect that.

I put up a couple of stories last night, one of which I found in a folder which I thought I had posted a long time ago, the other of which I wrote in a bit of a hurry. For that reason, I must have forgotten to make sure that they conformed to your preferred punctuation style, and I apologize for that.

In regard to your last comment on my talk page, allow me to say, "Thank you". You said everything I had hoped you would say, and I feel encouraged to keep writing, and to follow http://editthis.info/create_your_own_adventure/Punctuation_with_dialogue.

My academic background is in descriptive grammar, and I have since moved to work with editing, which is of course prescriptive, but I never work with fiction writing, so I haven't had cause to study use of punctuation in quotations before.

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User: Hwolin

Sorry about any grammar mistakes, I thought I had looked over it and caught them. Do you mind letting me know what I missed so I'm more aware of it next time?

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Hey it's me again. It seems that stories haven't been featured in a while. Are they chosen by the someone or can we just replace it with our own every week?

Thanks-Bojangler Aug/20/2013

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User:Darkrage6

Sorry for the way i've been acting, i'm not trying to get banned. Sometimes I don't always think before I post due to my Aspberger's Syndrome, I was out of line with what I said before and I regret it. I appreciate you showing what I did wrong with my last entry, that really helped me. So i'm going to take your advice and try and start my own story, i'll consider myself lucky if I turn out to be even half as good of a writer as you are, i'll try not to make my grammar look too sloppy. I actually did well in my English classes in college, but I guess it's not always so easy to adapt your skills at writing papers into writing stories on sites like this.
_________________________________________________________

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. - Azmor

_________________________________________________________

Hi This is Pedobear12
Thank you for showing me how to add the category into the story, I was trying to do that, but gave up. turns out i was almost there :)
Anyway I was wondering if you could tell me how to make different lines in a single story merge.
In other words if one decision was made, how do I make the lines merge with a bit down the line decisions of a different set.
What I am getting at is that if you choose a path it may lead to being captured or death.
if you choose the other path one of the decisions in that path could have the same result.
So instead of retyping it, I want to know how to direct the page to that same ending, especially if I think that ending was writen well?
----------------------------------------------------------
Hey this is Gaydude, I'm new with all these things, I have the basics like making a page and stuff down. Don't know a thing about adding the category thingy and also about merging parts of the story.

== Incomplete pages /options/status bar/category from the previous page. ==

Hey thanks for the feedback. I am fairly new to this site and don't yet know how to make new pages, add choices or add category bar. I don't mean to leave the story on a limb, it's just I don't know how to add options and selections. Could you message me and explain these to me if it's not too much trouble.

----------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: Interesting how the masculine/feminine forms persist from the the word's French roots. I didn't know that!

I dont know how to create the page with a catagory how do i do that? 22xander

== Help ==

Platypus, i am pretty new to this site, and i want to try to help with your story. Can you please help me with making a good story with links?

(note: I think Links are pretty dang confusing)

== Thank you, From TrawnyCarrol ==

Thanks man, I'll read some of the interactive and see if i can help somewhere

== Pokemon Trainer School - Trawny ==

Ok, i read a lot of what has been done, and i was wondering if i could help with the Pokemon trainer school? I'll take any pokemon, but i would prefer to do snivy's story.

== Pizza Girl Choices ==

I'm confused as to why you deleted the page I added for the pizza girl in the hotel. The note about the deletion said the choices weren't in second person, but each and ever choice refers to "you", the very definition of second person. Please clarify this for me.

== Catogrizing pages Trawny ==

how do i categorize these pages, still a bit new with that.

Make Jared drink even more

JakeStorm93 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 22:14:09 GMT

JakeStorm93:

You try to bring the spurting tube of water closer to his mouth, but Jared does not seem to be interested in your offer.

“Dude, enough,” Jared says, turning his head away from you. “I don’t want to drink any more.”

You hide your disappointment poorly. With unnatural speed, you lunge out, grabbing the base of Jared’s face. Jared cries out in shock, and the moment his mouth opens, you use your free hand to jam the nozzle of the tube into his mouth. Jared squirms in his spot, but is otherwise helpless to make any form of protest, except for some garbled unintelligible noises. He groans desperately as the cool liquid continues to fill his tummy, squeezing his eyes shut as the weight of the contents of his stomach becomes heavier and heavier.

You slip a hand under his shirt and lay a hand on the side of Jared's smooth gut, feeling his belly slowly swelling out to its fullest size as it slowly bulges outward. You say nothing for a while, an odd silence in the toilet apart from the steady sound of Jared gulping down the plastic tube. One by one, mouthful after mouthful of water disappears into Jared's mouth, his throat rising and falling slowly as more liquid rushed down his gullet, his distended belly pushing harder and harder against the increasingly-tight waistline of his jeans. He gave off a primal moan of discomfort, but you ignore him, stroking his midsection sensually, feeling the soft swell of flesh and gentle slosh of liquid beneath your palm. You lick your lips in anticipation as you watch the other boy’s belly continue inflate with water. Jared scrunches his eyes tightly as his engorged paunch continues to grow bigger and bigger, until all of a sudden, you yank the tube from his mouth. Jared gasps for air, his midsection heaving with every deep breath. He groans pathetically, the pale skin around his belly stretched taut around the smooth bulge of his distended stomach.

"You dumb fuck," Jared swears under his breath, but despite his apparent anger, his face is flushed with burning embarrassment. "I said I didn’t want to drink any more. I’m not a fucking water balloon."

As he hops off the sink counter, he’s suddenly hit by pang of urgency, evident from his strained expression.

“Oh fuck, I’ve really gotta go now.”

He hurriedly attempts to take off his jeans, but with his newly-bloated gut, he’s finding it incredibly difficult to negotiate with the tight button. He grunts and groans as he repeatedly tries to force it apart, but to no avail.

He glances your way with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Come on, dude. Help me out, will ya?”

Do you:
*[[Help undress Jared]]
*[[Laugh at Jared]]
*[[Punch Jared in the bladder]]
{{RampageTemplate|who=[[Brandon Jones|6th Grade Boy]]}}
[[Category: Rampage]]

Give Jared a drink

JakeStorm93 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 21:51:02 GMT

JakeStorm93:

With your hand still firmly gripped on his dick, you lead him away from the urinal towards the sink. Jared obviously does not respond well to you using his equipment as some manner of leash.

"Hey! Don't use my dick to lead me around!" he scowls indignantly, "I have hands, you know?"

You smile innocently as you let go of his cock at last. "Want me to hold your hand instead?"

You see his face blush and his gaze drops to the ground. "Th-That's not what I meant," he stammers finally as he pulls up his underwear and jeans. His mix of feigned male bravado and apparent embarrassment is starting to get you aroused, but you still have work to do. You gesture to the sink and he takes a seat on the counter. Although his clothes are back on, there is still a definite bulge in his crotch as a result of your earlier fondling.

You turn on the tap with the hose attached and offer it to the other boy.

"Drink," you command.

"What?" Jared raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously, "Why?"

"Just do it, and I'll leave you alone." What a brazen lie. As if you'd leave him alone after preparing him for such a world of fun.

He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and begins to take a swig from the tube. You watch the undulations of his throat as he gulps down more and more water, relishing the idea of all that liquid going straight to his bladder. Eventually, his pulls out the tube from his mouth, tossing it carelessly back into the sink.

"There," he mutters, "I've had a drink like you asked. Satisfied?"

Do you:
*[[Make Jared drink even more]]
*[[Rub Jared's crotch]]
*[[Zip up and walk out of the bathroom]]
{{RampageTemplate|who=[[Brandon Jones|6th Grade Boy]]}}
[[Category: Rampage]]

Make Jared drink even more

JakeStorm93 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 21:49:13 GMT

JakeStorm93: Created page with 'You try to bring the spurting tube of water closer to his mouth, but Jared does not seem to be interested in your offer. “Dude, enough,” Jared says, turning his head away fro…'

You try to bring the spurting tube of water closer to his mouth, but Jared does not seem to be interested in your offer.
“Dude, enough,” Jared says, turning his head away from you, “I don’t want to drink any more.”
You hide your disappointment poorly. With unnatural speed, you lunge out, grabbing the base of Jared’s face. Jared cries out in shock, and the moment his mouth opens, you use your free hand to jam the nozzle of the tube into his mouth. Jared squirms in his spot, but is otherwise helpless to make any form of protest, except for some garbled unintelligible noises. He groans desperately as the cool liquid continues to fill his tummy, squeezing his eyes shut as the weight of the contents of his stomach becomes heavier and heavier.

You slip a hand under his shirt and lay a hand on the side of Jared's smooth gut, feeling his belly slowly swelling out to its fullest size as it slowly bulges outward. You say nothing for a while, an odd silence in the toilet apart from the steady sound of Jared gulping down the plastic tube. One by one, mouthful after mouthful of water disappears into Jared's mouth, his throat rising and falling slowly as more liquid rushed down his gullet, his distended belly pushing harder and harder against the increasingly-tight waistline of his jeans. He gave off a primal moan of discomfort, but you ignore him, stroking his midsection sensually, feeling the soft swell of flesh and gentle slosh of liquid beneath your palm. You lick your lips in anticipation as you watch the other boy’s belly continue inflate with water. Jared scrunches his eyes tightly as his engorged paunch continues to grow bigger and bigger, until all of a sudden, you yank the tube from his mouth. Jared gasps for air, his midsection heaving with every deep breath. He groans pathetically, the pale skin around his belly stretched taut around the smooth bulge of his distended stomach.

"You dumb fuck," Jared swears under his breath, but despite his apparent anger, his face is flushed with burning embarrassment, "I said I didn’t want to drink any more. I’m not a fucking water balloon." As he hops off the sink counter, he’s suddenly hit by pang of urgency, evident from his strained expression. “Oh fuck, I’ve really gotta go now.”

He hurriedly attempts to take off his jeans, but with his newly-bloated gut, he’s finding it incredibly difficult to negotiate with the tight button. He grunts and groans as he repeatedly tries to force it apart, but to no avail.

He glances your way with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Come on, dude. Help me out, will ya?”

Do you:
*[[Help undress Jared]]
*[[Laugh at Jared]]
*[[Punch Jared in the bladder]]
{{RampageTemplate|who=[[Brandon Jones|6th Grade Boy]]}}
[[Category: Rampage]]

Give Jared a drink

JakeStorm93 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 21:44:19 GMT

JakeStorm93: Created page with 'With your hand still firmly gripped on his dick, you lead him away from the urinal towards the sink. Jared obviously does not respond well to you using his equipment as some mann…'

With your hand still firmly gripped on his dick, you lead him away from the urinal towards the sink. Jared obviously does not respond well to you using his equipment as some manner of leash.

"Hey! Don't use my dick to lead me around!" he scowls indignantly, "I have hands, you know?"

You smile innocently as you finally let go of his cock. "Want me to hold your hand instead?"

You see his face blush and his gaze drops to the ground. "Th-That's not what I meant," he stammers finally as he pulls up his underwear and jeans. His mix of feigned male bravado and apparent embarrassment is starting to get you aroused, but you still have work to do. You gesture to the sink and he takes a seat on the counter. Although his clothes are back on, there is still a definite bulge in his crotch as a result of your earlier fondling.

You turn on the tap with the hose attached and offer it to the other boy.

"Drink," you command.

"What?" Jared raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously, "Why?"

"Just do it, and I'll leave you alone." What a brazen lie. As if you'd leave him alone after preparing him for such a world of fun.

He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and begins to take a swig from the tube. You watch the undulations of his throat as he gulps down more and more water, relishing the idea of all that liquid going straight to his bladder. Eventually, his pulls out the tube from his mouth, tossing it carelessly back into the sink.

"There," he mutters, "I've had a drink like you asked. Satisfied?"

Do you:
*[[Make Jared drink even more]]
*[[Rub Jared's crotch]]
*[[Zip up and walk out of the bathroom]]
{{RampageTemplate|who=[[Brandon Jones|6th Grade Boy]]}}
[[Category: Rampage]]

Pinch off Jared's flow at the base of his cock

JakeStorm93 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 11:55:56 GMT

JakeStorm93: Created page with 'You slide your hand down the length of Jared's stiffening member as he pees and a soft moan escapes his lips. "Dude, don't," he breathes, his face flushing with a deeper shade o…'

You slide your hand down the length of Jared's stiffening member as he pees and a soft moan escapes his lips.

"Dude, don't," he breathes, his face flushing with a deeper shade of red, but he makes no noticeable attempt to stop you. The stupid kid thinks you're going to jerk him off. Unfortunately for him, you have other plans.

With a devious grin, you suddenly squeeze the base of his cock and he lets out a startled yelp. His stream drips to halt almost immediately afterwards and you can feel the pressure rapidly building under your fingers. His expression quickly changes from shock to visible irritation. He tries to push you away, but your hand remains firmly clasped on his swelling rod.

"What the fuck, dude? Let go of my dick, you freak! I'm trying to piss here!"

"No," you say commandingly, "You're done." He gives you a confused look, seemingly surprised by your forwardness. You tighten your grip on his cock to remind him who's boss. He whimpers in response, but you see that his semi-erect dick is now twitching in excitement. Looks like he isn't as uncomfortable as he says he is.

"Come on, dude," he implores with a grimace, his face looking increasingly desperate, "I gotta go super bad."

You notice a tap in one of the sinks with a long plastic tube attached, mostly likely used by the janitors for hosing down the bathroom floor. It might be fun to see how badly Jared would need to pee if filled up with even more water. Or you could just have your fun with Jared here and now.

Do you:
*[[Give Jared a drink]]
*[[Jerk Jared off]]
*[[Molest Jared]]
*[[Zip up and walk out of the bathroom]]
{{RampageTemplate|who=[[Brandon Jones|6th Grade Boy]]}}
[[Category: Rampage]]