Masochist me
From Create Your Own Story
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| - | + | <!--'''Interviewer: ''' | |
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| + | '''Me:''' --> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Tell me a little bit about how it started. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Well, it all started when I was young. Very young. I think I was like 3. I would get in trouble, and, remember, this was from a time when it was still acceptable, my parents would spank me. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' I don't understand. Even I was spanked when I was young. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Yes, but how did you respond? | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Well, I cried, of course. Ever child cries when they are spanked. | ||
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| + | <i>I shook my head.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' I didn't. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Really? | ||
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| + | He looked at me strangely. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' What did you do? | ||
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| + | <i>I laughed.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Enjoyed it. The first memory I have is getting spanked. Then, spanking myself. Sadly, it didn't really hurt. Not like it did when my dad spanked me. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' That is...strange. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Well, you wouldn't be here, interviewing me, if I was <i>normal</i>, now would you? | ||
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| + | <i>He shook his head no.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' So, you, reacted...differently to being spanked. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Not just to being spanked. It was, well, everything. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Like? | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' For example, when I got thumped, I remember repeatedly thumping myself. When my mom smacked my mouth, I remember smacking my own mouth after, over and over again. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' So, why do you think you did that? What caused you to want to do that? | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Caused it? I don't think anything '''caused''' it. It just seemed I was...different. I was wired to enjoy it, or something. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' That can't be right. Humans avoid pain, it is part of who we are. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' I don't. Oh, I avoid things that would actually cause damage, or scar, or things like that. I don't disfigure myself, or self harm or anything. I just...enjoy pain and humiliation. | ||
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| + | <!-- Not sure I like this part. Hiding for now, I can always add it in again later '''Interviewer:''' All those tattoos, the piercings. Some might consider them scarring and disfiguring. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Really? You find me ugly? | ||
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| + | <i>He shook his head no.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Maybe you see them and see some disfigured woman, some hideous beast. | ||
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| + | <i>He again shook his head no.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Okay, time to be completely honest. You are asking me to trust you, so I want to be sure that I can really trust you. | ||
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| + | <i>He gave me a guarded look.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' What do you mean. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Do you find me attractive? | ||
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| + | <i>He paused, thinking about what he wanted to say.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' I find you attractive. | ||
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| + | <i>I shook my head.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Not good enough. Tell me, in your own words, how attractive I am to you. With my piercings, my tattoos, my "disfigurements". | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Sorry, that is now what I meant. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Oh, then what did you mean? Tell me. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Okay. | ||
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| + | <i>He took a deep breath.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Honestly? | ||
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| + | <i>I nodded, waiting for him to say what was on his mind.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' I find you the single most attractive and exotic woman I have ever seen in my life. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' But I thought you said "some people might find my tattoos and piercings disfiguring". | ||
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| + | <i>He sighs, sitting there, reflecting inwardly.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Let me try this again. The tattoos, the piercings. | ||
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| + | <i>He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them up again.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' I have seen people with horrible tattoos. I have seen people with body augmentations, excessive piercings, things like that. And, while some who knows what kind of a person you are might see them as something you did to yourself, not because you wanted, but because your need for pain pushed you to get them. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' What does that have to do with me? I am not trying to be some politician, some business woman. I am just trying to be me. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Yes, I guess so. I spoke before I thought. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' So, you find me the most attractive and exotic woman you have ever seen. Go on. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Well, you obviously have good taste. They don't take away from you. They...enhance...and they also separate you, make you...somehow more. Like a piece of art, a lovely woman, with jewels and paintings. --> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Anyways, we should get back to what we were discussing. What made me the person sitting before you. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Yes, please. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Anyways, so, I found myself sort of enjoying the pain. I guess I was a bit of a wild child. Oh, I loved my parents. But, they didn't seem to understand. They kept giving me what I wanted when I didn't do what they wanted me to. You know, same thoughts as most people have. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' So, to you, they rewarded you, with a spanking, a smack, something like that, for the wrong behavior. | ||
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| + | <i>I nodded.</i> | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Exactly. It was like you getting a candy. My parents were at their wits end. Eventually, as I got older, I started understanding how much I was hurting them, upsetting them. I guess I sort of turned inward. I stopped acting up to get rewarded, and instead started just...rewarding myself. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' How so? | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' Well, when I went to bed, I would take my belt, spank myself, over and over and over, until my butt was bright red, hot, felt aflame. I would go to sleep, enjoying the heat, the pain, raising from my butt. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Oh. | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' My shrink calls it <b>sexual masochism disorder</b>. The classify it as class IV, or exclusive masochists. I cannot form typical romantic relationships and cannot achieve orgasm without pain or humiliation. But, I also do not go beyond a certain point, where I will be scarred or disfigured. Or even seriously injured. The only time I have had a broken bone was due to skiing, not due to my masochism. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' Wait, you mean, when you were young, and doing this, it was for sexual gratification? | ||
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| + | '''Me:''' No, obviously not. That did not come until I was older. | ||
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| + | '''Interviewer:''' So, tell me about it. | ||
:[[Masochist me/Some option to be inserted later]] | :[[Masochist me/Some option to be inserted later]] | ||
Revision as of 06:51, 13 March 2017
Interviewer: Tell me a little bit about how it started.
Me: Well, it all started when I was young. Very young. I think I was like 3. I would get in trouble, and, remember, this was from a time when it was still acceptable, my parents would spank me.
Interviewer: I don't understand. Even I was spanked when I was young.
Me: Yes, but how did you respond?
Interviewer: Well, I cried, of course. Ever child cries when they are spanked.
I shook my head.
Me: I didn't.
Interviewer: Really?
He looked at me strangely.
Interviewer: What did you do?
I laughed.
Me: Enjoyed it. The first memory I have is getting spanked. Then, spanking myself. Sadly, it didn't really hurt. Not like it did when my dad spanked me.
Interviewer: That is...strange.
Me: Well, you wouldn't be here, interviewing me, if I was normal, now would you?
He shook his head no.
Interviewer: So, you, reacted...differently to being spanked.
Me: Not just to being spanked. It was, well, everything.
Interviewer: Like?
Me: For example, when I got thumped, I remember repeatedly thumping myself. When my mom smacked my mouth, I remember smacking my own mouth after, over and over again.
Interviewer: So, why do you think you did that? What caused you to want to do that?
Me: Caused it? I don't think anything caused it. It just seemed I was...different. I was wired to enjoy it, or something.
Interviewer: That can't be right. Humans avoid pain, it is part of who we are.
Me: I don't. Oh, I avoid things that would actually cause damage, or scar, or things like that. I don't disfigure myself, or self harm or anything. I just...enjoy pain and humiliation.
Me: Anyways, we should get back to what we were discussing. What made me the person sitting before you.
Interviewer: Yes, please.
Me: Anyways, so, I found myself sort of enjoying the pain. I guess I was a bit of a wild child. Oh, I loved my parents. But, they didn't seem to understand. They kept giving me what I wanted when I didn't do what they wanted me to. You know, same thoughts as most people have.
Interviewer: So, to you, they rewarded you, with a spanking, a smack, something like that, for the wrong behavior.
I nodded.
Me: Exactly. It was like you getting a candy. My parents were at their wits end. Eventually, as I got older, I started understanding how much I was hurting them, upsetting them. I guess I sort of turned inward. I stopped acting up to get rewarded, and instead started just...rewarding myself.
Interviewer: How so?
Me: Well, when I went to bed, I would take my belt, spank myself, over and over and over, until my butt was bright red, hot, felt aflame. I would go to sleep, enjoying the heat, the pain, raising from my butt.
Interviewer: Oh.
Me: My shrink calls it sexual masochism disorder. The classify it as class IV, or exclusive masochists. I cannot form typical romantic relationships and cannot achieve orgasm without pain or humiliation. But, I also do not go beyond a certain point, where I will be scarred or disfigured. Or even seriously injured. The only time I have had a broken bone was due to skiing, not due to my masochism.
Interviewer: Wait, you mean, when you were young, and doing this, it was for sexual gratification?
Me: No, obviously not. That did not come until I was older.
Interviewer: So, tell me about it.
